


Certified Bangers

by DivineNoodles



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, somebody take my keyboard away from me before I sin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2020-09-28 05:51:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 39,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20420975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineNoodles/pseuds/DivineNoodles
Summary: Bandori drabbles done for fun/practice. Updates sporadically.Most recent: While visiting Misaki's grandma in the countryside, Kanon starts to suspect that her bandmate has folksy roots.





	1. Misaki/Kanon - A Long-Held Question (Fluff/Humor)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanon asks Misaki a question that's been on her mind for a while. A mild existential crisis ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This first drabble is rated S for Stupid.

The question popped into Kanon's head one day after a concert, as she was helping Misaki out of her Michelle costume.

At first, she dismissed it as frivolous - nothing worth knowing. Or at least, none of her business. It was something that Misaki alone knew, and if Misaki _wanted _to tell her, she would. Not to mention if Kanon _was _the one to bring up the topic, she would feel like she was being intrusive. Did people just pry into personal matters so brazenly? Of course not. So she quickly pushed it out of her mind, with the intention of forgetting it entirely.

But the next time they practiced, it came back - picking at her brain stem, compelling her to just go forward and speak up already.

It seemed like a simple inquiry; it wouldn't take more than five words to ask, and only one to answer. Yet its brevity belied its complexity: it wasn't the sort of question that you could casually ask upfront and out of nowhere. And it also wasn't as if it were something she could discuss with the other members of HHW, either - they simply wouldn't understand. Not to mention, again - none of her business. It had absolutely no bearing on Kanon's life or well-being, and had entirely to do with her own sense of curiosity. Yet the more she tried to placate it, the fiercer the feeling in her skull became: like a bad itch, gnawing at her cerebral cortex with every thought.

The day finally came where she couldn't take it any more - she simply had to know. With quivering hands, she approached Misaki after practice, long after Kokoro, Kaoru, and Hagumi had already left the scene.

"Hey, Kanon-san," said Misaki, packing up her DJ equipment. "What's up?"

"U-Um..." Kanon stuttered, inwardly steeling herself for the task ahead. "Th-There's something I want to ask you, Misaki-chan."

Misaki nodded. "Okay. What is it?"

Kanon took a deep breath, clenched her hands into nervous fists, and - with a ramrod spine - squeaked determinedly:

"Are... Are you a furry?"

Misaki's eyes fell upon the horizon, lightless and distant. The lines on her face suddenly seemed much more haggard and wizened. Her lips slowly curled into a smile, but there was no joy or contentedness in her expression - only resignation.

Kanon's guilt welled like a geyser inside of her. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-!"

"No, it's okay," said Misaki, her voice tinny and flat. "I...I knew this day would come." A single tear trickled down her cheek.

"Mi-Misaki-chan..."

"It was inevitable, really," said Misaki with a bitter laugh, plopping down in a nearby chair as she continued to stare blankly into space. "Nobody would put up with doing so much labor inside of a pink bear mascot without a reason, right? There had to be _some_ sort of underlying motive."

"B-But I thought it was for Kokoro-chan and the others?"

"That's what I told myself at first too," said Misaki, shaking her head. "It was just a facade to make them happy. A willing sacrifice for their sake. And sure, I had fun doing it too. But the more I performed, and practiced... I couldn't help but wonder if there was something _more._ Something I couldn't put my finger on."

"Are... are you saying...?"

"I... I don't know," said Misaki, now looking at her hands as if they were unrecognizable. "I ask myself that same question every day, Kanon-san. There are times where I think I've found an answer, but then the next day my emotions shift again, like a sand castle swept away by the sea. I... I don't know what to think of myself. Am I Misaki? Am I Michelle? Who... Who do I want to be, really?"

Kanon couldn't take it anymore, she pressed herself into Misaki's limp torso, enveloping her in a warm embrace. "M-Misaki-chan, it's okay!"

The sudden hug seemed to jolt a sliver of emotion back into Misaki's face. "K-Kanon-san...?"

"W-We all question things about ourselves every now and then, b-but that's normal!" Kanon shouted. "I... there's lots of parts of me that I'm not sure about either, but I know... I know that I'll figure them out! And you should know that no matter what you discover about yourself, I'll... I'll still love you, okay?"

Misaki's smile warmed, though it retained a small bit of awkwardness. "Er... I mean, I would hope so, considering there's, uh, nothing wrong with being a furry... I think."

Kanon tousled a strand of her own hair. "Oh... right."

"Still..." said Misaki, sighing contentedly and squeezing her back. "Thanks, Kanon-san. I'm sure I'll figure things out eventually."

Kanon rested her cheek against Misaki's shoulders. "I know you will."

And for the moment, that was enough.

In the face of uncertainty, whether it was trivial or earthshaking... they knew they could confide in one another without hesitation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like any good (or bad) fic, I have no idea why I wrote this. I promise the later ones won't be this dumb.  
Some will be _even dumber_.


	2. Kaoru/Chisato - A Most Fleeting Illness (Hanahaki)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaoru appears to have contracted hanahaki. She makes sure that Chisato knows it.

Chisato was walking with Eve to the shoe lockers one day after school when she saw that old, odious sign: a crowd of fangirls, onlookers, and devotees that could mean only one thing - that a certain tiresome, bombastic prince was about to make her appearance. 

And surely enough, in the center of the throng - surrounded by reverent worshippers and resplendent sparkles - stood the Patron Saint of Theater Lesbians.

“Ah, dear Chisato, gentle Eve,” said Kaoru, posing illustriously as usual, “I bid you good day.”

“Hello, Kaoru-san!” chimed Eve. “What are you doing at Hanasakigawa?”

“My question exactly,” said Chisato, not quite in the mood to deal with Kaoru’s brand of theatrics at that moment.

Kaoru smirked. “Ah, well, you see, I seem to have come down with-” Suddenly she coughed - once, then twice. “E-Excuse me for a moment… I seem to have caught something in my-” Another cough cut her off, and she sank dramatically to the floor.

“Kaoru-senpai!” cried the horde of fangirls, all encircling her with fearful faces.

Kaoru heaved deeply into her hands, her head descending into the pit of her chest for several seconds. When she lifted it up again, her hands were filled with several crisp, velvety rose petals.

“Oh, what tempestuous fate!” she pontificated, raising the back of her hand to her forehead. “From my ragged lungs come such bright blossoms… could it be…? That detestable disease? The telltale sign of an unfulfilled heart? Nay, it cannot be so… I could never have hanahaki…!”

The crowd of fangirls gasped. One fainted. Eve turned to Chisato, confused. “Chisato-san, what is hanahaki?”

“I suppose they don’t have a name for it in Finland, hm?” Chisato remarked. “Hanahaki is an illness of unrequited love. They say that when you’ve fallen for someone and they don’t return your affection, you start coughing up flowers.”

“Oh, how awful!” Eve exclaimed. “Kaoru-san is in love with someone, and they don’t love her back?”

The assembly of fangirls screamed lamentations. “Kaoru-sama, say it isn’t so!” “Does that mean you don’t love  _ me _ ?” “Oh, my heart!” “Dude, this is my  _ favorite  _ trope, hell yeah.”

“Fret not, my fair little kittens…” Kaoru moaned, raising her hand weakly. “I shall yet live. Though the pain in my chest throbs like the crash of the waves, I will soldier on.”

Chisato watched Kaoru, recumbent and defeated on the ground, before walking over and picking up one of the rose petals from the floor. “You know, Kaoru, this petal is awfully dry.”

“I-Is it now?” Kaoru asked. “Alas… my lungs are like a desert… I can feel the cacti sprouting in my throat as I speak.”

“Well, that must feel terrible indeed. I would see a doctor at once.” Chisato looked back towards Eve and motioned her head. “Come along, Eve-chan. We don’t want to be late to practice.”

“Ah, r-right,” said Eve, still looking glum as she caught up. The horde of onlookers fell around Kaoru at once as the two exited the building. “Will Kaoru-san be okay?”

“Oh, she’ll be fine,” said Chisato. “Hanahaki hurts, but it’s never fatal.”

She realized she probably seemed a little cold to Eve. But she knew Kaoru well enough to see where all this was going, and she had better things to do with her afternoon.

* * *

Chisato was being dragged along by Leon on his walk the next day when a particular purple poet appeared.

“Oh, my dear childhood friend!” exclaimed Kaoru, grinning ear to ear. “What good fortune that we would encounter one another like this.”

“...Hello, Kaoru,” said Chisato, keeping as tight a grip on Leon’s leash as she could muster. “H-How are you today?”

“I am-” Kaoru stopped mid-sentence, her cheeks puffing up with sudden swollenness. She held up a finger and turned around, her hands reaching for her mouth. 

After a moment of unseeable movement, she rotated again, now grasping a spit-covered gardenia bud.

“Why, what cruelty…! The symptoms faded yesterday, but flare once again!” she bemoaned, her free hand clutching at her breast. “If only the object of my love knew of my woes… nay, I could never say it! The pain is simply too great to… bear…”

Kaoru trailed off as she realized Chisato was no longer in front of her, having been long carted off by Leon’s leash-tugging. She could practically see the skid marks.

Of course, the blonde bassist didn’t feel like she had missed much.

* * *

Chisato answered the doorbell that evening, and only wished she could be surprised to see who had shown up.

“We meet again,” said Kaoru. “‘Tis a most fleeting fate, is it not?”

“There’s nothing fateful about this,” said Chisato with an unamused expression. “What do you want, Kaoru?”

“Yes, I, uh…” Kaoru cleared her throat. Chisato expected her to surreptitiously pull a carnation out of her sleeve. Instead, Kaoru… started punching herself in the stomach.

“What on earth are you doing?” asked Chisato, concerned in more ways than one.

“Ah, well, you see...” Kaoru blinked. And then she awkwardly jammed a finger down her throat. 

Chisato, finally fed up, slapped her arm away. “Kaoru, I know you don’t have hanahaki. Did you eat a flower earlier that you’re trying to hack up now?”

“Wh-What?” asked Kaoru, sweat coalescing on her forehead. “I would never jest so cruelly, madam!”

Chisato crossed her arms. “What kind of flower was it?”

“......A-A daffodil,” Kaoru muttered.

“Kaoru, daffodils are non-edible. You’re going to get sick -  _ actually  _ sick.”

“Well, that certainly explains why my stomach is raging like the sea…”

Chisato sighed. “Come in. We need to get you some water - medicine, too.”

“Y-Yes, of course…” Kaoru murmured. “But, Chisato, how did you know I didn’t actually contract hanahaki?”

Chisato, in spite of the situation’s gravity, smiled. “Oh, come now. Isn’t it obvious, Kao-chan?”

Suddenly, she grabbed Kaoru by the necktie and pulled her in, so that the prince’s ear was right by her tender, reddened lips:

“You can’t cough up flowers if I love you back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so conflicted about hanahaki fics, because unrequited love makes me too sad, but the "I have hanahaki but they actually *did* love me back" resolution - while heartwarming - always feels like it undercuts the premise... so I came up with this spin on it, which would definitely happen because Kaoru is Dumb.  
(Happy anniversary to the Romeo & Juliet event stan KaoChisa)


	3. Moca/Ran - Skin-deep (Soulmate AU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ran discovers she has a soulmate. The experience is much less romantic than suggested.

Ran lay atop her bed, staring at the uneven handwriting that had appeared on her wrist the night before:

** _remember: get bread_ **

It wasn’t the first to appear. Shopping list items, algebra equations, and other miscellaneous reminders had sporadically become inked onto her palms over the past few months. Himari had informed her of the affliction - a soulmate. One she was destined to be connected to.

Ran scoffed at the idea at first. Who was silly enough to believe in something as maudlin and fantastical as that? But after repeated attempts to ignore the marks, she was beginning to get tired of dealing with them. If nothing else, she had to tell whoever was on the other end to stop blotting every stray thought possible onto their wrists - if that was really the cause of what was happening. With a sigh of resignation, she clicked a nearby pen and scrawled onto her forearm:

_ Can you read this? _

The red ink sat upon her flesh, like trickles of blood from a fresh cut. She wondered how long it would take to get a response, if ever - she had doubts about this whole ‘soulmates’ business in the first place. But just as she was about to pull up her sweater sleeve and forget about it, a response in fat sharpie ink appeared below:

** _r u a hot girl y/n_ **

Ran felt blood shoot to her cheeks. Without thinking, she was already scribbling a reply. _ Why the hell does that matter?! _

** _it’s very important_ **

** _just circle one plz_ **

_ What are you, some hyper-thirsty guy with nothing better to do? _Ran wrote.

** _um excuse u_ **

** _i am a hyper-thirsty GIRL with nothing better to do_ **

Ran’s palm met her forehead. Oh well… she supposed it was more comforting having a girl as her soulmate than some dude.

** _u still haven’t answered my question_ **

Ran grit her teeth. _ Well I am a girl, but I don’t know if I’m “hot” _

** _i’ll be the judge of that_ **

** _send pics_ **

_ How do I do that? _

A pause.

** _good point_ **

** _where u from, gurl_ **

** _r u japanese_ **

_ Obviously, yes. _

_ I mean, we’ve been writing in Japanese, haven’t we? _

** _tru_ **

** _we really lucked out there huh_ **

** _can u imagine if ur soulmate was from brazil_ **

** _speakin brazilian and you couldn’t understand em_ **

_ “Brazilian” isn’t a language _

_ I think they speak Portuguese _

** _wowww my soulmate’s smart ♥_ **

_ Shut up _

Despite Ran’s response, she felt strangely warm at the complement - even if she could feel its flippancy. However, any amount of tenderness she felt was wiped away at the next comment:

** _so_ **

** _what r u wearin ;)_ **

Ran was beginning to think that “hyper-thirsty” was an understatement. _ Just a hoodie and jeans. Why does it matter? _

** _oooh a fellow hoodie girl_ **

** _i’ve fallen even harder 4 u_ **

** _if i could draw the heart-eyes emoji on my skin i would do it_ **

_ You could always try. _

An esoteric doodle that looked like a mangled moon appeared on Ran’s elbow. She couldn’t help but laugh at how terrible it looked.

** _behold_ **

** _a master artist at work_ **

Ran’s laughter died down just a little. _ You’re a real Da Vinci, you know that _

** _i know thank u for telling me_ **

** _so _ **

** _what do u like to do_ **

Ran thought to herself for a moment before answering. 

_ I like music _

_ Singing and guitar _

_ I write lyrics and stuff _

** _whaaaaaaaa_ **

** _no way me too_ **

** _i play guitar_ **

** _damn we really ARE soulmates_ **

** _next u gonna tell me u luv bread too_ **

Ran shrugged. _ Bread is okay, I guess. _

** _WAT_ **

** _HOW DARE U_ **

** _jk more 4 meeeeeee_ **

Well, Ran could glean what her favorite food was, at least. _ Why bread? _

** _um why NOT bread_ **

** _have u seen a food pyramid_ **

** _that shit’s at the bottom ‘cuz it’s IMPORTANT_ **

** _like can u imagine life w/out bread_ **

_ Uh yes _

_ Pretty easily _

_ I’m pretty sure Japan survived for thousands of years without it, actually _

** _well life sucked more than a hundred years ago_ **

** _there was war and other bad stuff_ **

** _and u know what i bet if there was bread? no war_ **

_ That’s a pretty bold claim _

** _u know i’m right you just don’t wanna admit i’m big brained_ **

_ Shut up _

Ran wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take. Her thoughts (and her arm) were getting drained by her partner’s quick hand. Just as she was about to eke out a farewell message, more text appeared:

** _what’s ur name btw_ **

The black-haired girl hesitated, but decided to answer honestly. 

_ Ran _

** _oh, like “orchid”_ **

** _nice_ **

** _i’m moca_ **

** _like coffee_ **

** _cept w/out the h_ **

Moca? That was a strange name. Though it was clear from the conversation that she was a strange girl.

** _hey ran_ **

** _u said u write lyrics rite_ **

** _can u show some to me_ **

Ran stared at the marks for a few moments. She somehow felt both apprehensive and excited about the idea. _ Are you sure? _

** _hell yeah_ **

** _i bet they’re super deep_ **

Ran took a deep breath before popping open her notebook and copying down the words on her leg:

_ The twilight sky that day _

_ The illuminating light was a burning scarlet _

_ Because this sky connects us _

_ Always, even if we're separated _

_ In this place that we can call our own _

_ Let’s meet up here no matter what _

_ These feeling we want to shout out, towards this red sunset _

_ ...That’s it _

** _wow_ **

** _so cool_ **

** _i wanna play that song with u_ **

** _let’s jam together sometime aight_ **

As much as it irritated a part of her, Ran smiled at the suggestion. _ Yeah. Let’s do that _

** _schweet_ **

** _i also gotta meet u in person_ **

** _to see if ur hot_ **

** _i bet u r and just don’t wanna admit it_ **

_ OK, I think this conversation’s done _

** _i was just gonna say_ **

** _i mean, have you looked at our limbs_ **

Every single inch of Ran’s extremities was covered in red and black scrawlings. There was barely enough space for farewells.

** _luv uuuuuu soul-roomiiiiiiee ♥♥♥♥♥_ **

_ Shut up _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tfw you write a soulmates oneshot but it ends up essentially being a chatfic  
Happy birthday Moca~  
(The lyrics are taken directly from Scarlet Sky; thanks to the Bandori Wiki for the translation)


	4. Sayo/Tsugumi - Eating Disorder (Fluff/Humor)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayo doesn't get how to eat sweets. Tsugumi is deeply concerned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the fact that Sayo doesn't seem to [understand](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/bandori/images/1/1b/Celebration_Parfait.png/revision/latest?cb=20190831065428) [what](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/bandori/images/b/bc/Making_Cookies.png/revision/latest?cb=20171116134326) [a](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/bandori/images/7/78/With_the_Rain.png/revision/latest?cb=20180531051703) [dessert](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/bandori/images/1/17/New_Work_Challenges.png/revision/latest?cb=20190219061427) [is](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/bandori/images/5/5b/Four_In_The_Cafeteria.png/revision/latest?cb=20170621055219)

It began with a scowl.

Sayo scowled often - it was practically her neutral expression, after all - but Tsugumi wasn’t sure why she looked so cross, especially after making a chocolate cake that looked so lovely, with white-chocolate accents and a velvety mousse base. The thick chocolate frosting congealed perfectly as Tsugumi cut slices for the both of them. “It turned out great, Sayo-san!”

“...Yes, I suppose it did,” she responded, huffing.

“Wh...What’s wrong?” Tsugumi asked, saddened by Sayo’s displeasure. “Did I mess up somehow?”

“No, it looks wonderful, it’s just…” Sayo’s mouth pursed to one side, as if contemplating whether or not to speak further.

“You can tell me, Sayo-san,” said Tsugumi. “Messing up is a part of learning, after all-”

“It’s not that,” said Sayo, shaking her head emphatically. “It’s just… I don’t know how to eat desserts.”

Tsugumi assumed she had misheard at first. “I’m sorry… repeat that?”

“...It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?” said Sayo. “Let me show you what I mean.”

She took a crisp, perfectly layered cake slice and sat at the kitchen counter, fork in hand. Sayo looked over the cake, prodding it from several directions - just as she looked ready to take a bite, her fork stopped millimeters from the chocolate matter. Sweat dribbled down her chin. The whites of her gritted teeth glimmered through her parted lips.

“Um… are you okay?” asked Tsugumi, smiling fretfully.

Without warning, Sayo suddenly clutched the cake with her free hand and crammed the entire slice into her mouth, smearing chocolate and frosting all over her face and apron.

“S-Sayo-san!” yelped Tsugumi, running to grab a paper towel.

The flash of confounded rage disappeared from Sayo’s aquamarine eyes, and her head drooped in shame. “...Now you understand.”

“N-Not really,” said Tsugumi, wiping the chocolate off of Sayo’s mouth. “Why didn’t you just take a bite with your fork?”

“I always overthink it,” said Sayo. “I keep trying to picture the best way to eat it - the ideal ratio of frosting to cake, which direction to start from, what to save for last - and I get so steamed that I lose control of my arms and…  _ that _ happens.”

“A...And you’re like this with all desserts?”

Sayo nodded glumly. “...That’s right.”

“Cotton candy?”

“I don’t know which direction to eat it from.”

“Ice cream?”

“I get conflicted over whether to dig in right away or let it melt.”

“Parfaits?”

“...I tried one with Roselia and ended up dumping it on my head,” said Sayo, as hoarsely as a woman on her deathbed. “Imai-san and Udagawa-san wouldn’t stop laughing for hours…”

“Th-That… seems like a serious problem,” said Tsugumi, stifling a giggle. As embarrassing as it had been for the guitarist, it would’ve been cute to see Sayo in that situation. “B-But what about those cookies I made you?”

“Cookies are simple,” said Sayo, her face lightening. “You simply plop them in your mouth. You don’t have to think. Besides… your cookies are delicious. I couldn’t turn them down.”

Tsugumi’s felt her cheeks warm. There was something adorable about the way Sayo said that while her face was still riddled with dark chocolate smudges.

“I don’t know what to do, Hazawa-san,” said Sayo quietly. “I thought learning to bake with you would help…”

“W-Well, maybe just like with cooking, you need to be taught how to eat!” said Tsugumi, trying to maintain a positive attitude.

“...Do you think so?” asked Sayo, her voice tinged with hope.

“I… I do!” said Tsugumi, ignoring the ridiculousness of the idea. “We just have to find something easy that you can practice with, like, uh…”

An idea clicked in her head, and Tsugumi dug around in her pantry as Sayo wiped the last of the frosting away.

“Oreos!” Tsugumi chimed, pulling out a familiar blue plastic container. “Have you ever had them?”

Sayo shook her head.

Tsugumi grabbed a handful of monochromatic cookies. “They look simple, but there’s a lot of different ways to eat them! It’ll be great practice!”

Sayo stared at the oreos quizzically. “...How do  _ you  _ eat them?”

“I like dunking them in milk,” Tsugumi replied. “Himari-chan always licks the cream off first, Tomoe-chan stacks multiple together to make towers, Ran-chan eats only the cookie portions, and Moca-chan… uh… goes with the ‘cereal’ method.”

“Which is ideal?” asked Sayo.

“It depends on the person!” said Tsugumi. “There’s no wrong way to eat an oreo, so you don’t have to worry.”

Sayo stared at the cookies for a second before picking one up. “I’ll… do my best.”

Tsugumi pumped her fist. “I believe in you, Sayo-san!”

Sayo held the cookie before her eyes, opening her mouth as if to simply bite into it before hesitating. Slowly, she twisted the top off to separate it into two halves, but then growled in frustration, as if she hadn’t meant to. She tried stacking them together, but with the cookie parts directly touching and the cream on top. Tsugumi was somehow enraptured by all of it.

Finally, gradually, the re-fused cookie approached Sayo’s mouth.

_ Come on, Sayo-san…! _

It passed the space between her teeth.

_ You can do it! _

And right as her incisors were centimeters from chomping down, Sayo suddenly yanked the cookie out, crushed it in her hand, and shoved the crumbles down her throat.

Tsugumi couldn’t hold it in. She bursted out in a fit of giggles as Sayo guiltily chewed on before swallowing. “I’m… I’m sorry. There  _ was _ a wrong way to eat an oreo, wasn’t there…?”

“N-No, it’s fine, Sayo-san,” said Tsugumi, quashing her laughter. “That’s just y-you, that’s all… it was very cute.”

“C-Cute?” Sayo stammered, as she picked up another oreo. “I must have looked like an idiot.”

“Well…”

Tsugumi opened her mouth to deny it - but then the realization hit her, like a beanbag to the gut, as she watched Sayo confusedly examine the cookies as if they were foreign objects, her mind finally grasping the truth:

_ Oh my god. I’m a morosexual. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tsugumi would later be consoled by Arisa, Chisato, and Misaki, who had come to the same realization about themselves long ago.


	5. Maya/Eve - Kuu on kaunis, eikö niin? (Confession)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eve's (lack of) knowledge about an old Japanese idiom leads to her and Maya spilling feelings under the moonlight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is meant to be a Finnish translation of ["The moon is beautiful, isn't it?"](https://www.italki.com/article/909/confessing-your-love-in-japanese?hl=en-us) However, this was done with Google Translate, which is notoriously unreliable, so if anybody proficient in Finnish would like to correct or corroborate please do.

Christmas Eve.

After a long, drawn-out game of Monopoly at Chisato’s place that had left Aya sobbing at Hina’s triumphant feet, the members of Pastel*Palettes were winding down, cozying up under blankets and meandering away from conversation. Maya and Eve found themselves on the balcony, bit by sharp frigidity, yet admiring the pale blue beauty of the snow-draped cityscape at night. Steam from mugs of hot cocoa wafted up towards their rosy, frost-tickled cheeks. The yellowed lights of the indoors behind them illuminated their bundled-up silhouettes. For several minutes, they simply stared into the quiet world, the silence broken only by foggy breaths.

And then, right as Maya was taking a sip, Eve spoke.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”

Maya nearly spat out her drink. She choked and sputtered on the sweet chocolate liquid as Eve suddenly scrambled to console her. “Are you all right?!”

“I-I’m fine,” wheezed Maya, her face becoming even more flush. She couldn’t believe that Eve had just… come out and said that so brazenly! Sure, it was a bit old fashioned - much more so than a simple “I like you” or even the... _ stronger _ version of that - but that was totally in Eve’s character. Wait… did she even know that old idiom? No, Eve was a Japanese history nerd - she _ definitely _had knowledge of Souseki Natsume’s writings; Maya remembered her talking about the author a while back…

“Maya-san?”

Eve was looking at her with wide eyes. Maya realized that she was probably anticipating a response. But how could she reply to such a sudden confession? She was caught completely off-guard.

She took another look at Eve. At her hair, silky silver in the pale moonlight, the depths of her earth-blue eyes glowing faintly. The tip of her button nose was a crisp red, as were her rounded, blemishless cheeks. She thought of the times that Eve had so passionately rambled on about samurai and historical battles to her for hours, and how Maya had done the same talking about audio equipment and instruments. All the concerts, adventures, outings, and memories… she had never felt so comfortable with someone in her life.

All things considered… there was only one response.

“I… I can die happy.”

Maya reciprocated with the proper phrase, her nose buried in her mug as she spoke. She was too embarrassed to look Eve straight in the eye. Which is probably why she was unnerved by what followed:

“D-Dead?!” asked Eve, her voice fraught with concern. “Why would you ever want to die, Maya-san?!”

“U-Uhm, er, n-no, see,” said Maya, awash with guilt at making her worry. “I don’t mean it literally, Eve-san, it’s just-”

“Are you okay? Do you need medicine? Chicken noodle soup?!”

“I’m f-fine, Eve-san!” Maya insisted, trying to calm Eve, who was leaning in with a fearful face. “It’s just an expression, that’s all.”

“An expression…?” asked Eve. “What do you mean?”

It then dawned on Maya that Eve, in fact, _ did not _know what she was implying earlier with her wayward comment on lunar splendor. “It’s… nothing.”

“Nothing? Then why would you say that?”

Maya would die __of humiliation if she had to explain it. “I-It’s not a big deal…”

“Please tell me!” Eve begged, her brow furrowed. “I am worried about you, Maya-san!”

Maya felt the Finnish girl’s pure blue gaze puncture through her facade. There was no escape now. “Um… Eve-san, do you know what ‘the moon is beautiful, isn’t it’ means?”

Eve’s eyes drifted upward in thought. “It means that the moon is pretty, yes?”

“Well, on one level, it does, yeah… but on another it means that you… er… l-love the person you say it to.”

“But I do love you, Maya-san!”

“R...R-Romantically, I mean.”

Eve’s expression softened. “Oh…! I...I didn’t realize.”

“I thought so…” said Maya. “The, um, response you’re supposed to make if you… have the same feelings… is ‘I can die happy.’”

“Oh, I see!” said Eve, realization landing on her face. “But Maya-san, if you said that to me, then that means…”

She trailed off.

Neither spoke for a few seconds. 

It suddenly felt a lot warmer outside.

“D-Don’t worry about it, said Maya. “It… It’s just a big, giant misunderstanding, that’s-”

“Maya.”

The bespectacled girl stopped dead in her tracks. She had never heard Eve refer to her - or _ anyone _\- without honorifics before.

“Th-The moon…” Eve murmured, facing the great glowing orb in the sky with quivering lips. “The moon is the biggest, brightest, beautifulest thing I have ever seen!!!”

The chilled night wind knocked air into Maya’s lungs. The echo of Eve’s proclamation skipped across the ice-laden streets below, sounding out for all to hear.

“Eve…” she muttered. “Do… Do you really mean that?”

Eve nodded, her voice wavering but strong. “I love… the softness of the moon’s eyes, the gentleness of its laugh, and the fire that burns within its heart! I love seeing the moon every day! I love playing music with it! I love staring into its pretty face, whether it has glasses or not!”

“E-Eve, I get it, you don’t have to-”

“I… I love the moon so much I cannot even put it into words!”

The final wave of words subsided, leaving both girls as red as a hearth fire on a winter’s day. But Eve didn’t look embarrassed in the slightest. If anything… she seemed proud.

“Maya… wh-what do you say?”

A crisp, still silence. And then...

“Hu...huhehe…” Maya giggled softly. “Y-You know what?”

She gingerly reached out and grabbed Eve’s hand, so warm and tender in the cold.

“If I were to die right now… when I’m the happiest I’ve ever been… that’d be just fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaahhh MayaEve is so underrated... I'm actually working on a longer fic for them right now (look forward to that) but I came up with this idea and had to put it out there... love these nerds


	6. HHW - Godspeed You, Gold Empress! (Crack/Songfic)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Happy World covers a song that is, by all accounts, not their usual style.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This came about when I tackled the question "what is the funniest song that HHW could theoretically perform", and I wanted to practice some descriptive writing, and in the end I made something... Frankensteinian.  
I guess this qualifies as a songfic? It's an actual performance, and, uh, idk the etymology behind these things.  
**(Content Warning: lyrics contain allusions to suicide, blood, drugs, and some other nasties, though none of that is present in the actual story.)**

_ oh oh!!! how about a long song!! _

_ Yes… and in English, the Bard’s tongue… _

_ Um, but maybe not too difficult? (＃＞＜) _

_ i wanna feel it in my heart!!!! _

Misaki looked at the directions her bandmates had messaged her, her smile twitching involuntarily. She was experienced with looking for songs that HHW could cover, but she wasn’t used to following directions… usually she just chose whatever she thought fit their typical sound. Now she had guidelines - and ones that didn’t mesh together particularly well, to boot. 

With a resigned sigh, she started browsing through the song library on her laptop. Misaki actually had a pretty wide selection of music - some for research/arrangement, and some just for her own pleasure. Hello, Happy World! tended to have a pretty consistent tone, so she generally had a fairly limited range of songs for cover consideration. Considering the requests, however, she might have to step outside of their usual zone.

As she casually scrolled through the lists of albums, her mind methodically checking each one to see if it would fit the criteria, Misaki stumbled upon one that, to her surprise, fit what everybody had asked for - 16 ½ minutes, few English lyrics, and very emotional. It would have been perfect if not for the fact that it was, bluntly put, _ completely antithetical _ to HHW’s usual sound. The melody was low and meandering. The lyrics dealt with topics that would make a hardened adult depressed. Even so, the coincidence was enough to elicit a chuckle, and she decided to send it to the group chat as a joke. _ How about this one? _she typed, along with a smirk emoji and a link.

For over fifteen minutes, there was no response. And then…

_ oh my gosh!! this sounds incredible, mii-kun!! _

_ This is… the most fleeting song I have ever heard!! _

_ let’s play it! let’s play it! _

_ I-If everybody else wants to… Σ(°△°|||)︴ _

Misaki read the messages with wide eyes, taken aback by the enthusiastic response. For a moment she couldn't believe they had eaten up the suggestion, but then she remembered an oft-forgotten lesson: _never_ joke with the three dummies. For such ridiculous people, they took everything so seriously.

_ come on, misaki!! _

_ do it do it do it! _

With their pleas buzzing in her ears, Misaki gulped, sighed, and began transposing.

* * *

A few weeks later, they were waiting in the wings at CiRCLE for their turn onstage. During their last several rehearsals Misaki had kept waiting for the moment where Kokoro, Kaoru, or Hagumi would suddenly stop and comment on how dreary this song was, how it didn’t fit them in the slightest, or how the lyrics were not something that should ever come out of the mouths of high-schoolers. But they only got more hyped as time went on - clearly none of them understood a word of English. When Misaki asked Kanon for her opinion, she simply slackened her shoulders and ‘fueeed’ in response.

_ Is this... going to be okay? _ Misaki thought. If any school faculty was in attendance, they would have a fit - and Misaki didn't want that. But she could hardly refuse the eager expressions of her bandmates, so she had - against her better judgment - remained silent.

Afterglow and Roselia finished their sets, and Hello, Happy World! bounded onto the stage with their usual enthusiasm. Kokoro backflipped up to the front of the stage before addressing the crowd. “Hi, everyone! Hope you’re having a happy night!”

The audience cheered in response. As the closing act, HHW was expected to leave everybody pepped up and jazzed.

“We’ve got only one song today!” Kokoro chirped, her ear-to-ear grin as dazzling as ever. “But it’s a really cool one! A totally new cover!”

More enthusiasm from the crowd. Misaki set up her DJ decks carefully, already fearing the worst.

After introducing the rest of the band, Kokoro gripped her mouthpiece, surveying the crowd with bright eyes. “Are you ready?”

A roar of approval.

Kokoro nodded. “Okay! This is our brand new song: [‘The Dead Flag Blues’ from _Godspeed You! Black Emperor!_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVekJTmtwqM)”

She nodded towards Michelle. With a heave, the big bear put her first record on the turntable and pressed play.

A low, ominous hum began sounding from the speakers. The crowd, initially raucous, slowly dimmed as the atmosphere thickened. A single spotlight fell upon Kokoro, who remained uncharacteristically still. With her usual cheery lilt, she spoke in thickly-accented English:

** _“The car’s on fire_ **

** _And there’s no driver at the wheel.”_ **

A beat of shock.

** _“And the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides_ **

** _And a dark wind blows.”_ **

The audience was now dead silent, mouths agape. Kokoro, still beaming, continued:

** _“The government is corrupt_ **

** _And we’re on so many drugs_ **

** _With the radio on and the curtains drawn._ **

** _We are trapped in the belly of this horrible machine_ **

** _And the machine is bleeding to death.”_ **

Misaki felt more sweat than usual coagulate inside her suit. If Kokoro had any sense of what she was saying, she wouldn’t be wearing that carefree expression right now. She prayed that the audience was similarly non-understanding.

** _“The sun has fallen down_ **

** _And the billboards are all leering_ **

** _And the flags are all dead_ **

** _At the top of their poles._ **

** _It went like this:”_ **

Kaoru started somberly playing the violin. Misaki didn’t even realize until weeks ago that Kaoru knew the instrument, but she wasn’t surprised to hear it.

** _“The buildings toppled in on themselves_ **

** _Mothers clutching babies _ **

** _picked through the rubble_ **

** _And pulled out their hair.”_ **

The tear of the strings was more soul-rending than the deepest rainfall.

** _“The skyline was beautiful on fire_ **

** _All twisted metal stretching upwards_ **

** _Everything washed in a thin orange haze._ **

** _I said ‘Kiss me, you’re beautiful:_ **

** _These truly are the last days.’”_ **

A downturn in the timbre. Kokoro closed her eyes.

**“_You grabbed my hand and we fell into it_**

**_Like a daydream, or a fever._”**

They weren’t three minutes in and Misaki already felt guilt leaking from her pores. Kaoru switched to guitar, melancholily strumming dissonant chords as Hagumi provided the world’s most reserved bassline. Hollowness echoed from every speaker, as lonely as a starless sky. 

As Michelle switched discs, she watched the stunned silence of the crowd, who beheld the destitute melody with listless expressions. The strings grew louder in her ears. Kokoro faced the people directly, unblinking:

**“_We woke up one morning_**

** _And fell a little further down -_ **

** _For sure it’s the valley of death._ **

** _I open up my wallet_ **

** _And it’s full of blood.”_ **

A silence. Misaki put on another backing track - the lonesome whistle of a far-off train, churning bitterly into the horizon. The three dummies remained stationary, soaking in the ambient noises, listening to the wailing moans with faces of pure contentedness. Kanon, who had rested easy thus far, began to show signs of terrible anxiety, her drumsticks frenetically whirling in her fingers. 

Eternities passed. Hagumi picked up a dirgelike bassline. Kaoru began striking chords once again. Kokoro slowly swayed her body back and forth, as if head-banging to the universe’s slowest song. Kanon finally struck a drumbeat, rhythmically matching the wild west-styled drawl of the melody. Misaki felt the harmonies collide and cohabitate in midair, before somehow meshing into one dedicated wall of sound.

The world seemed gray-scale. Memories of color washed through her mind before evaporating into dust.

The tempo picked up.

Kaoru shredded out a guitar solo, meandering and drawn-out, formless and without meaning.

Kanon, out of some desire to keep sane, began smashing her sticks against the snares with the full motion of her body, her mouth pursed in a determined grimace.

Hagumi bent down with her already low body, the vibes lowering her center of gravity until she was on her knees and straddling the bass with vigorous glee.

And Kokoro punctuated it all with slow cartwheels - not so much joyful displays of exuberance as they were showings of bounding restlessness, prickled by the nihilism that poured from the audio system.

All while the world continued churning, cruelly and without stopping, below their measly feet.

Music melted into notes, which melted into noise. Their performances suddenly harmonized: blaring from the stage in an unceasing flood of harrowing, hallowed sound. Consciousness swept away and was replaced by the vibrations, pulsing and permanent, the only sound that anyone had ever heard, that implacable and unstoppable tone that plucked at DNA like harpstrings.

Things softened. They entered the final, ironically upbeat movement, Kanon taking to a glockenspiel as Kaoru pranced about on her violin, rocking back and forth with a bittersweet recollection, neither lively nor subdued. Kokoro and Hagumi contemplated the music without motion, so still that they could be statues. Misaki watched as the last, meager little notes reverberated from Kanon’s mallets, the final vestiges of happiness sinking out of her costumed feet and deep into the earth until there was nothing within her spirit but monochromatic apathy.

The band finished its song not with a bang, but with a whimper.

For several moments, the world was quiet.

And then from the limp crowd thundered the loudest applause Misaki had ever heard.

The standing ovation deafened their ears. At least a dozen people heaved over with tears of joy. One person sank to the ground, convulsing in rapture.

“Thank you for listening, everyone!” sang Kokoro, as if she had just finished one of their usual sets. “We’re glad you enjoyed it!”

Hagumi and Kaoru gave their typical proud faces. Even Kanon managed a nervous grin. Misaki had no idea what her own expression looked like in that moment - she had trouble even processing this reaction.

“Happy!”

“Lucky!”

“Smile!”

“Y-Yay!”

Despite the farewell catchphrase, the cries of the audience did not simmer down - they pleaded ravenously for more, shouting ‘encore’ with every breath. Realizing they didn’t have another song like… well, whatever _ that _could be characterized as, Misaki hastened to pack up their equipment and squirrel the remaining members off-stage - only to bump into familiar faces.

“Mitake-san? Minato-san?”

Ran and Yukina awaited in the wings, their eyes soaked red with tears. “That… that was _ incredible…” _Ran heaved, her entire body trembling.

“I… I have never listened to such music in my life,” said Yukina, staring at her sweat-soaked palms as if they were foreign. “I... I feel like an insect in comparison.”

“Oh, don’t say that!” said Kokoro, hands happily on her hips. “We just want to inspire people, that’s all!”

Both Ran and Yukina looked the golden-locked girl straight in the eyes. Suddenly, they prostrated themselves upon the floor:

“Kokoro-san! Teach me to rock as hard as you!”

“Tsurumaki-san! I beg you! Tell me what my sound is missing!”

Kokoro chuckled. “Don’t worry about it! I’ll help you both out! I’m glad to see you so excited!”

As the two vocalists flocked behind Kokoro, as laymen do behind prophets, Misaki suddenly felt the exhaustion fly out of her shoulders. Somehow, things always turned out right in this band - even when playing the most plodding, morose rock song in the world, they somehow made people happy. Maybe Kokoro's goal was feasible after all.

Unconsciously, Misaki brought her right hand up to a salute, grinning inside the Michelle suit as Kokoro somersaulted away.

_ Godspeed you, gold empress. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't ask me why I wrote this because I can't remember  
(Lyrics, of course, belong to Godspeed You Black Emperor, thank you for always giving me the perfect 'I need to disassociate at 2am' music)


	7. Tomoe/Himari - Big-Hearted (Angst)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Himari has body image issues. Tomoe comforts her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, some actual drama? In _this_ drabble collection? I'd never  
...It's pretty light don't worry  
(CW: internalized fatphobia)

_ 70.2 kg _

The number on the scale stared back at Himari, cold and static.

She squeezed the sides of her belly, feeling an inch-wide roll of fat fold between her fingers. With a heavy sigh, she let go, watching the little love handle jiggle back into place, before stepping off the scale and out of the bathroom, her arms listlessly sinking towards the floor. 

After all that dieting she’d been doing - she’d been trying to cut back on sweets, really! But there was a new deep fried ice cream shop in the neighborhood that had looked so good, and the Yamabuki Bakery had just stocked their lineup of autumn treats, and she and the girls had all taken a bunch of day trips recently, so… it wasn’t _ quite _ her fault, was it? She groaned bitterly. Of _ course _it was. If she wanted to keep a good figure, she’d have to be disciplined, even when new snacks popped up on the block.

..._ Fat slob, _she thought bitterly.

Her frustration grew to the point that she needed to vent to the closest person in her vicinity - the girl currently reclining on her bed with a music magazine. “Tomoooo_ eeeeeeee _!”

The scarlet-haired drummer flashed her eyes over to Himari, wearing an assuring grin. “Hey now, what’s the matter?” she asked, tossing the magazine to the side.

Himari gurgled a vague, guttural noise before flopping belly-first onto Tomoe’s lap, her arms dangling in mid-air. “...I gained weight again.”

“Aww,” said Tomoe, pitying Himari with a supportive pat on the back. “Even though you’ve been cutting back?”

“I’ve… had a lot of cheat days…” Himari bemoaned, flapping her arms about in ho-hum annoyance. “Moca-chan keeps inviting me to grab food from the convenience store, and I’m bad at saying no… _ uggghhh, _why am I like this?”

“Cheer up!” said Tomoe, her hand moving to lightly massage Himari’s shoulders. “You still get plenty of exercise and stuff, right? I don’t think you’re too unhealthy or anything.”

“That’s not the pooooint!” Himari fussed. “Whenever I hang out with Lisa-chan I just… notice how slim and fashionable and _ gorgeous _ she is, and I get like so amazed by her, but then I look at myself in the mirror and I just…” She deflated. “I wish _ I _could be pretty, too…”

She rolled over onto her back, staring up at Tomoe with watery eyes. The taiko master wore a contemplative expression, her hands curving around Himari’s back. “Do you really think that way about yourself?”

“W-Well- I mean…” Himari stuttered, her thoughts meandering into a tangle. It wasn’t as if she was filled with self-loathing, but… maybe she did hate the shape of her own reflection. Just a little. ...No. More than that. How many times had she lamented her homeliness?

“Hey,” said Tomoe, her voice softening. “Do you like the way _ I _look?”

“Um… _ yes _?” Himari replied incredulously. She couldn’t count the times her heart had been reduced to pitter-patters by the sharpness of Tomoe’s eyes, her assurant grin, that tomboyish frame...

“Well, look at me.” said Tomoe, flexing her bicep, so built and shapely that Himari had to force down a squeal. “I’m not exactly the model of femininity either, y’know.”

“Th-That’s different though!” Himari protested, trying not to lose herself in the curves of Tomoe’s musculature. “I mean, er…”

Tomoe smiled knowingly. “Himari, do you like my muscles?”

_ Oh God Yes Of Course I Do, _she mouthed, feeling drool coagulate on her lower lip. All she could manage to show for it was a shaky nod.

“Well, it’s the same for me!” said Tomoe. “I like the way you look right now, Himari - so big and round and loving.

Himari swallowed, feeling her heart swell with a different affection. “You… you really mean that?”

“Duh. Besides, how else would I be able to do… _ this _?” Tomoe suddenly pulled back the belly of Himari’s camisole and pressed her nose against her stomach, blowing a raspberry.

“T-Tomo-aahaha-! St-Stop it-!” cried Himari, giggling at the sensation. “I-It tiheeheeheecles!”

Tomoe continued nuzzling Himari’s gut before planting a delicate smooch right above her belly button. “I love your little jelly belly, hon. It’s cute.”

“Aw, cut it out!” said Himari, holding back her laughter. “You’re just teasing me.”

“I mean it!” said Tomoe, resting her head on Himari’s tubby tummy. “It’s soft, and warm, and full… just like you.”

Himari felt her heart fizzle and scream as her face blossomed into a pink grin. She stroked Tomoe’s long, velvety hair, her hand running down to smoothen her shoulder blades, thinking of how tenderly the fiery drummer gazed into her. She was never one for flattery or dishonesty. She always directly spoke her mind. And that’s why, right now… Himari could trust that she was speaking the truth. She lightly scratched at her girlfriend’s torso, sharing in that intimate and unspoken appreciation of another human being’s form, closing her eyes as her fingers became lost in the contours of Tomoe’s skin…

“You’re feeling for my back muscles, aren’t you?”

Himari’s cheeks puffed up. “I-I can’t help it!! T-They’re just s-so… _ firm _, okay?!”

Tomoe chuckled as she sat up. “C’mon, bae, let’s get cozy.”

Himari rose, nestling her head in the crook of Tomoe’s collarbone as they turned to lie down on the sheets. She smelled the mixed scent of sweat and Tomoe’s pinewood shampoo, and felt the warm blood pulsing within her neck. 

And in that moment, tinted orange by the sunset through the half-shut blinds, cradled in the arms of her beloved... she felt comfortable in her own skin. Just a little.

...No. More than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love yourselves, y'all! <3


	8. Aya/Hina - It's in the Blood (Vampire AU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aya, a young village maiden, goes off to kill the local vampire, who turns out to be much quirkier than she bargained for.

Thunder cracked the midnight sky. Gray rain torrented down castle walls, sloughing dirt and dust off the smooth-stone backs of gargoyles keeping lookout. And knocking at the front door was a pink-haired village maiden, clutching a hidden wooden stake in her trembling off-hand.

“H-Hello?” called Aya. pounding at the rain-slicked entrance. “I-Is the lord of the castle there?”

Without impetus the rickety door creaked open, inviting her into a dimly lit corridor.

Faint orange torches illuminated blood-red carpets and gold-laden candelabras. The tempest outside raged and raged, echoing hollowly in the empty hall. A grand, crystal-encrusted chandelier swayed with every breath. Shadows cast from every corner. The place was lifeless.

Aya had heard the tales. Pallid skin. Alluring eyes. Teeth that could drain the very marrow from her bones. Others chalked it up to superstition and old wives’ tales, but Aya believed the stories with all her soul. That’s why she had taken it upon herself - boldly and foolishly - to slay the monster before it harmed anyone else. She had come prepared: silver bracelets dangled from her wrists, three crosses hung around her neck, and an hour beforehand she had ingested as many garlic cloves as she could stomach. She would be fine… she just had to be cautious-

Just as Aya thought this, the torches blew out, leaving her in complete darkness.

Her heart rate quickened. She crept down the pitch-black corridor, its outline faintly visible by the glare of the moonlight through the windows. Aya felt dread crawl down her neck, prickling at the top of her spine like spider legs. With each tiny step forward, she shuddered worse and worse.

“You can do it, Aya… you can do it…  _ you can do it…!” _

Lightning crashed, brightening the room - 

And revealing a caped shadow that engulfed her own.

With a quivering frame, Aya ratcheted herself around, and-

“Boo!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!”

Her scream was shrill enough to break glass. Aya curled up into a tiny ball on the floor, clutching the wooden stake tightly for some miserable modicum of protection, but the cloaked figure just started laughing. 

“Ah, never gets old! Especially when the weather’s perfect like this.” She snapped her fingers, and the hall lit up again, revealing the extent of her form - a turquoise-haired woman, draped in a cloak as deep as night, two triangular fangs jutting from her upper lip.

Aya’s fight or flight instincts kicked in. With only a moment’s hesitation she thrust the wooden stake towards the chuckling villain, still screaming. The vampire, spotting the weapon, simply held up a hand, and contentedly watched the splintery pike dig deep into the flesh.

“Whoops!” the monster yelped lightly, pulling out the stake and casually tossing it to the side as the wound magically healed. “That was close. Wouldn’t wantcha to nab me like that.”

Aya felt panic well up even deeper inside of her - but this just made her more determined. “T-Take this, beast!” she barked, limply hurling her silver bracelets at the vampire.

The bloodsucker watched amusedly as the ringlets bounced off her torso. “Oh, are these a gift? I know you villagers like to pay tribute, but really, you don’t have to-”

“Th-The power of Christ compels you!” Aya stuttered, holding up her crosses with shut eyes.

“Christ? Like Jesus? Oh hey, I know that guy! He’s pretty cool. Heard him speak a couple times-”

“B-Begone, monster! Y-You don’t belong in this world!” Aya shouted, and she did her best to breathe her garlicky breath directly on her foe’s face.

The vampire pinched her nose, wafting away the smell. “Ahaha, why does your breath stink so bad? Get a mint or something.”

Aya collapsed to her knees, hopeless. “N-No… i-it can’t be…”

If anything, the vampire seemed more chipper than before. “I swear, all you villagers do this schtick! It’s so funny.”

Aya was too paralyzed to speak.

“Cat got your tongue? What’s the matter? Oh! Maybe I should clear the air...” The girl extended a hand. “I’m Hina! Like ‘sun.’ Kinda ironic for a vampire, isn’t it?”

Aya was only now starting to process that this monster was a bit… eccentric. “Um, why are you introducing yourself?”

“Isn’t that the polite thing to do?” sked Hina, looking upward in thought. “That’s what my sis said… though she’s also one of those gloomy, shut-in bloodsuckers who’s all fwah-fwah and urm-urm.”

“Wh-What does that mean?”

“Oh, you know,” said Hina dismissively. “Anyway, what’s your name?”

“A...Aya?” she replied, as if it were somehow a question.

“Aya!” repeated Hina. “Good to know. I always make sure to learn my dinner’s name before I drink.”

“H-Huh?”

Faster than shadows, Hina was suddenly right in front of her, the tip of her index finger, pushing up Aya’s chin. “Why…” The red of her tongue danced across her sharp incisors. “You look simply  _ delicious _ .”

Aya should have felt a pure fear; the kind that made one as meek as her fade on the spot. But there was something about Hina’s eyes… vast and intoxicating, almost magnetic in how much they pulled her in. It made her voice smoother, brighter…  _ inviting.  _ She almost felt compelled to simply accept her fate without resistance.

Hina chuckled lightly, leaning into the nape of Aya’s neck, her fingers straddling the shoulder line. “Tell me… are you afraid?”

Aya gulped. In spite of that hypnotic gaze, she couldn’t fully quash her trepidation. “Y-Yes… Yes I am.”

She expected a chuckle before Hina plunged in. But instead, the teal-haired vampire tilted her head back, looking Aya in the eyes. “You...are?”

“O-Of course I am!” said Aya, her eyes stinging with tears. “I-I mean, who wouldn’t be afraid to die?!”

Hina blinked, before bursting out in a fit of giggles. “Wow! Everybody who comes here is always like ‘do your worst, monster!’ or ‘I’m not afraid of you!’ or something else like that, before they start crying out in their last moments… but you… you’re willing to admit your fear? How interesting!”

Aya blinked. “Wh-What are you saying?”

“Hmm…” Hina stepped back, letting go of Aya’s torso. “I don’t think I’ll dine for right now. In fact… I’d like to get to know you.”

“M-Me?” asked Aya. “B-But…”

“What? Would you rather be sucked dry?”

The answer was obvious. And Aya couldn’t shake that feeling she got, when staring into Hina’s eyes… that mesmerizing stare… in spite of herself, she felt the same desire. “H-Hina, was it?”

The vampire nodded. “Yup! Now then, you must be hungry - come on, I can make a roast for you. Oh, and I’ll get some nice wine while we’re at it.”

“Th...There’s not going to be blood in it, is there?” asked Aya shakily.

Hina chuckled. “Um, no? Why would there be? You’re weird.” Her cape enveloped Aya’s shoulder, bringing them closer together. “But I like that.”

Aya felt her lungs freeze. She wasn’t sure whether to feel fear or security in that moment. But against her better judgment, she clung tightly to the pale-skinned lord of the castle as they descended into the depths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine in this AU that Sayo is a traditional dramatic Bram Stoker-type vampire who stalks her halls and broods for fun while Hina is just like "hey sis I brought uno wanna play"


	9. Lisa/Yukina - Late to the Lingo (Fluff/Humor)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yukina confesses to Lisa that she's worried about Ako's health. The bassist quickly discovers that not all is as it seems.

The tables outside CiRCLE. A brisk, autumnal afternoon.  


Yukina stared contemplatively into the distance. Other people often took the songstress to be a stoic, but Lisa was well acquainted with the little particulars of her body language - and right now, it was clear that something was up. “What’s the matter, Yukina?”

Roselia’s leader crossed her arms. “Hm… I’m just concerned about Ako right now.”

Lisa felt her mouth purse into a feline grin - seeing Yukina grow attached to her teammates over time warmed her heart. “Aww, that’s sweet of you. Why are you worried?”

“Well, I was messaging her and Rinko earlier…” began Yukina, mindlessly stirring her sugar-drowned coffee. “And she said she had come down with an awful illness. She won't be able to make it to practice tomorrow.”

“Oh no! Is it the flu? We’re starting to hit that season, after all.”

Yukina closed her eyes in thought. “No, it had a more specific name… what was it…?”

As she pondered, Lisa took a sip of boba. After a moment, Yukina’s eyes flashed open in realization:

“Ah, that’s right. She called it ‘ligma.’”

Lisa spat out her drink, spewing a tapioca pearl straight into the eye of the nearby Michelle statue.

“A-Are you all right?” asked Yukina. 

“I-I’m fine,” Lisa coughed, trying not to double over laughing. She knew Yukina had more than her share of blind spots when it came to trendy topics - including modern lingo - but this…  _ this _ took the cake.

“I didn’t realize the condition was so well known…” Yukina muttered. “It must be a grave ailment indeed.”

“R-Right,” said Lisa, both fighting and fostering the urge to correct her.

“I asked her what the symptoms were, to try and understand what she was going through,” Yukina continued. “But I was a little lost… she said the main effect was an abundance of ‘bofa’ in her bloodstream.”

Lisa’s hand darted to cover her mouth, stifling a snort. The way Yukina recounted the exchange, so steely-eyed and serious, only made it funnier.

“Dreadful, I know,” said Yukina, mistaking Lisa’s motion as cupping her mouth in shock. “Rinko also seemed concerned - she was typing messages like ‘Ako-chan, please no!!!’ in the chat. She must be worried sick...”

“Y-Yeah, totally,” stammered Lisa. Rinko definitely knew what Ako was doing, but even her good-natured dissuasion was misinterpreted as fear for the drummer’s health.

“I asked if the illness would pass, or if she needed medicine,” said Yukina. “Apparently it can only be cured by a substance called ‘Rydon,’ which is a Sugondese drug.”

“S-Sugondese, you say?” hacked Lisa, trying to disguise her giggles as coughs.

“Yes, I hadn’t heard of it, but it’s apparently a Scandanavian nationality,” said Yukina. “Perhaps Wakamiya-san knows more about it?”

“I’m… not sure about that,” said Lisa. Her laughter was beginning to die down - it was high time she fess up and explain the situation.

“It’s a shame Ako will miss practice, however,” said Yukina, drinking her coffee solemnly. “There was even an exclusive one-day NFO event tomorrow that she’s going to skip out on because she needs to go in for treatment.”

_ Oooooh, Ako, you little devil!  _ Lisa thought, realizing the purple-pigtailed demon’s scheme at last. Fortunately, her little charade would be torn down with just a few words.

“Still…” murmured Yukina, her eyes drooping. “I cannot help but feel responsible, to some degree.”

Lisa’s playful mirth evaporated. “Huh? Why?”

Yukina sighed. “I push everyone in Roselia to reach the utmost apex of their abilities, but… sometimes I can’t help but feel like I go too far. If she’s fallen ill, is it because I made her practice too long and too hard?”

“N-No,” replied Lisa shakily. “I don’t think it’s your fault…”

“That’s kind of you, Lisa,” said Yukina, smiling sadly. “But even so, I wish for everyone in this band to take care of themselves. Becoming the best means nothing if we break upon reaching the summit.”

In spite of the situation’s silliness, Lisa felt her insides fuzzen. “Yukina…”

“I made sure to tell Ako and Rinko this too, of course,” she replied. “They were very encouraged. In fact, Ako gave me a way to help her out.”

“She…” Lisa gulped. “She did?”

“Yes. She wanted me to pick up her favorite drink from the convenience store. It was called… hang on.” Yukina pulled out her phone and scrolled through her conversation. “Ah yes, ‘ICUP.’ Apparently it’s an acronym, so I’m supposed to spell it out to the cashier...”

This, finally, was too much. Lisa collapsed onto the table, her diaphragm guffawing with every breath.

“L-Lisa?! Are you well?!”

“I-I’m * _ hack*  _ okay!” Lisa claimed, trying to mask her chortles as convulsions.

“You certainly don’t sound as such-” Yukina suddenly gasped. “Could… could you have come down with ligma as well?”

Lisa rolled out of her chair and onto the floor, slamming the ground with an uproarious fist. Yukina bolted from her chair and ran over, anxiety plastered across her face.

“Lisa! Speak to me! What’s wrong?!”

Lisa wanted to assure her that everything was fine, and that the only thing she was dying of was laughter. But then she saw the opportunity - so easy, so flawless, so golden - and she couldn’t resist. She just  _ had  _ to take it. “I… I actually do have a condition.”

“Truly?! What is it?”

Lisa hid her face, snickering. “It’s called ‘updog.’”

Yukina bent down to her, embracing her tightly and without question. Her usual cold facade had been replaced by deep, warm affection. “Oh, Lisa… I’m so sorry. But, what is updog?”

Lisa pulled her head back, facing Yukina with a wink. “...Not much. What’s up with you?”

Yukina blinked, her expression stiff. “I… I’m fine. But what about you? Aren’t you sick?”

“Um…”

Yukina shook her head. “Let me call an ambulance; you might need a hospital stay.”

“W-Wait, Yukina!”

Explaining the situation to the paramedics (and the clueless vocalist) took a long time, and cost an unreasonable amount in medical bills. But Lisa couldn’t deny that having Yukina wrap her tightly in her arms until the sirens came was a nice experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Roselia is supposed to be the emo, dramatic, angsty band, but it's so much more fun to write them all being dumb


	10. Kaoru/Chisato - Tiger, Tiger, Burning Bright (Role Reversal)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chisato finally snaps.

Chisato had had **enough**.

The meticulously handwritten love letters had been one thing. So had the lockers stuffed with flower petals, the mountain of heart-shaped chocolates sent to her address, even the one occasion where a certain “Happy Phantom Thief” had alighted upon her balcony at two in the morning backed by a shower of roses. But this - a full white carriage with matching horses pulling up to the Hanasakigawa gates, accented by a flurry of lilies and doves soaring into the sky as Kaoru (clad in a blindingly silver tuxedo) bent down on one knee - pushed her past the brink. She could no longer mask her discontent as she stormed past the lurid ensemble, crossly clearing the hair from her eyes as she passed the thick-headed thespian.

“Ch-Chisato?” Kaoru called, wielding a silken top hat in one hand and a gem-encrusted cane in the other. “Where are you going?”

“Home,” she replied tersely. Half of the school was gawking at the spectacle.

“H-Hold a moment. Do you not feel my ardent passion? The yearning affection that soars through my veins?”

“Is that what it is? How strange. I thought it to be a bombastic display of narcissism.”

“I… I only wish to express the depth of my-”

“Kaoru,” Chisato interrupted, ice-cold. “You don’t seem to understand, no matter how many times I inform you of your embarrassing, _ embarrassing _ acts, how little patience I have for these tedious presentations of love. So I will _ make _ you understand.”

She blustered off, leaving Kaoru with a strained curiosity and a whole lot of birds to corral.

* * *

Kaoru strode past the Haneoka entrance the next morning, greeting her gaggle of fangirls with the same assured confidence as always. As Himari and others flocked to her, Chisato’s comments from the day prior lingered in her mind.

_ She’ll make me understand, she says… how so? Were my professions of ardor truly so displeasurable? Hmm… how unfleeting… _

Just as she mused, the roar of an engine cracked the sky. One of her fans pointed behind her in wonder. “Woah, who’s that?”

Kaoru turned. A stylish yellow motorcycle had rolled right up to the gates, polished to a sunlight sheen. The rider, clad in a sleek, bumblebee-colored jumpsuit, casually booted out the kickstand prior to disembarking, taking off her helmet to let loose a short bob of blonde hair. She nonchalantly flipped on a pair of round, magenta-tinted glasses, twisting around to reveal wine-red lipstick, gold hoop earrings, and eyeshadow sharper than daggers.

Kaoru stared in disbelief. “Ch...Chi-chan…?”

Chisato winked. “Hey there, tall stuff.” Her voice was breathy and flirtatious. “Surprised to see me?”

Kaoru could only stand there, gaping alongside her fan club at the stunning transformation. “You… got a haircut… and…”

“Oh, come on, _ Kao~chan _,” said Chisato, striding up to her with an amorous grin. “Why so nervous?”

Normally, the childhood nickname would be enough to send Kaoru into a tizzy. But she was already far more shaken by the rest of Chisato’s demeanor. She attempted to regain some modicum of control. “Y-You’ve simply caught me off guard, kitten… I’m used to a much more… _ reserved _version of your beautiful self.”

“Aww, don’t sell me short,” said Chisato, her hands straddling Kaoru’s slender wrists. “A girl’s gotta go a little wild every now and then.”

Kaoru felt her heart rate skyrocket. The onlookers were beginning to snap photos. “Has… Has something happened, my friend?”

“Come on, tiger,” said Chisato, her brow pursing. “Don’t look so disappointed. I gussied myself up just for you, you know.”

“T-Tiger…?”

“You’re always going on and on about your kittens, after all.” Chisato smirked as her fingers traced the lines of Kaoru’s slim biceps. “Meanwhile, you’re the king of the jungle. Lithe. Strong.” She inhaled deeply as she brought herself closer. “_ Fierce. _”

“St-Stop that!” Kaoru begged, recognizing that every student within a hundred meter radius was witnessing the school’s prince in the midst of humiliation.

“Oh, I forgot…” said Chisato, shaking her head with disappointment. “You boast like a big cat, but you’re really just a cub at heart, aren’t you?”

“Kn-Knock it off, Chi-chan!”

“What? It’s just a little playful teasing. Don’t you love me?” Chisato pouted. “And after all those little letters… how sad. You said it over and over again, but I guess it was just... “ Her fingers curled around Kaoru’s shoulder. “A_ lie _.”

Kaoru was quickly becoming lost in the deep pink of her glasses, the casual smoulder of her lips. “N-No, it… it wasn’t…”

“Oh?” Chisato brought her arms to dangle loosely off of Kaoru’s back. “Then why so flustered, tiger?”

“W-We’re in public, that’s why!”

“Aw, come on. So were we yesterday, when you strolled up with those doves.” Chisato’s hands moved to stroke Kaoru’s neck. “And you were so confident then.”

Kaoru had gotten the point. “Ch-Chi-chan, I’m sorry, all right? I-I won’t do that kind of thing any more.”

“Oh, _ Kao~chan _ , that doesn’t matter right now.” Chisato suddenly grabbed the scruff of Kaoru’s collar and tugged, bringing their noses together. “All I can think about is how much I want you. I’m getting crazy just _ looking _.”

Kaoru could feel a hundred eyes bore into her back, shocked and appalled at the scene. She was desperate. “O-Okay, Chi-chan! I get it! I understand how you felt! I… I didn’t mean to embarrass you, I… I just wanted to show how much I loved you, okay? I’m so used to being flamboyant that I couldn’t figure out how to just say it normally. B-Because I couldn’t find the words, I pulled a bunch of stupid stunts. But now I can see how thoughtless I was. So please… st-stop!”

Chisato’s head pulled back, her expression falling to a soft burn. “Aw, Kao-chan… you’re being honest for once.”

She dipped Kaoru to the floor, gliding up to the prince’s face, smiling with sweet seduction.

“That’s so _ adorable. _”

And then she implanted a big, sloppy kiss right on Kaoru’s lips, leaving a chianti-colored stain the size of a tangerine as the crowd swooned around them.

Chisato lifted Kaoru back up, massaging her shoulders tenderly before releasing her grip. “Wish I could stick around longer, but I’ve gotta get to class on time.” She began strutting away with a chuckle. “Though… I guess I’ll end up a little late, huh?”

She straddled her motorcycle, winking to Kaoru one last time before donning her helmet and revving up the motor. “Catch you later, babe.”

And with that, she sped off, leaving a horde of converted admirers howling in her wake.

“Ohhh my goooood! Chisato-senpai!”

“That was _ so cool! _”

“Please step on me!”

Kaoru could only watch her drive off, dumbfounded and beet-red, until a buzzing in her pocket snapped her to attention. It was a message:

> -Chi-chan: Don’t pull any more of your grandstanding, unless you want a repeat performance.
> 
> -Chi-chan: Understood... tiger? ♡

It was in that moment that Kaoru Seta swore to never flirt with another human being ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaoru's new pledge would only last a week, but in fairness, that's a week longer than anybody expected.


	11. Kokoro/Hagumi - Hug Me (Hurt/Comfort)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hagumi's parents are fighting again, and she's worried sick. Kokoro invites her to a sleepover to cheer her up.

Kokoro skipped through the downtown streets, humming with each hop and stride. With nothing else to do on a Saturday afternoon - the band didn’t have practice, Kanon and Misaki went camping, and Kaoru was busy rehearsing a one-woman version of Titus Andronicus - she bounded towards Kitazawa Butchery, eager to see Hagumi. Even if it was just the two of them, they could definitely concoct something fun for the day.

She flipped up to the shop window, landing on both feet with gymnastic flourish. “Hey, hey, Hagumi!”

There was no one at the counter.

Kokoro tilted her head. That was strange… Hagumi definitely worked the shop at this time. And the lights were on, too. She hoisted herself upon the countertop and peered over to the shop side. “Hagumi? Are you here?”

It only took a second to find the bassist - she was packed away in the corner, looking at something. Kokoro tumbled to the shop floor. “Hagumi!”

Hagumi finally noticed her, stuffing whatever she was looking at in her pockets and whipping around. “K-Kokoron! Where’d you come from?”

“The other side of the counter!” she replied. “I called your name but you weren’t listening.”

“O-Oh.” Hagumi grinned, a little slowly. “I-It’s nice to see you!”

Kokoro put her hands on her hips. “Hagumi, why are you frowning?”

“Wh-What do you mean, Kokoron?” Hagumi flashed her teeth. “I-I’m smiling from ear to ear.”

“No you’re not,” said Kokoro, shaking her head. “Your eyes are all crinkly and sad. And why are your cheeks wet?”

Hagumi stared at her for a moment, her smile slowly melting away. Suddenly, she sank her entire body into Kokoro, sobbing. “I… I…!”

“There, there,” said Kokoro, patting her on the shoulder with a gentle grin. “What’s the matter?”

“I… m-my parents fought again,” sputtered Hagumi, sniffling back tears. “B-But it was real bad. Super bad. I… I don’t know if Dad’s coming back this time.”

“Oh no! That sounds terrible.” Kokoro contemplated the issue for a moment. “I know! Maybe if we make them both smile, things will get better.”

“I… I’ve tried that,” said Hagumi, shaking her head. “Th-They yell at me and tell me to leave them alone. I can’t make them smile, no matter what.”

“Are you sure?”

Hagumi nodded. “I’m… I’m not good at making anybody happy, honestly…”

Kokoro grabbed her hands. “That’s not true, Hagumi! You’re bright, and energetic, and caring, and everybody loves being with you!”

Hagumi blinked away tears. “R-Really…?”

“Of course!” Kokoro’s eyes lit up with praise. “I get super happy every time we’re together!”

“K-Kokoron…” Hagumi’s expression perked up, but fell just as quickly. “But… how do I help my parents?”

Kokoro thought and thought. She didn’t know the Kitazawas very well. She could think of a lot of things that might make them happy, but she wasn’t sure what would work. All she knew was that she wanted Hagumi to cheer up.

The idea came to her at once. “Hey! Why don’t we have a sleepover?”

“A sleepover?” Hagumi parroted.

“Yeah! You can get away from your house for a while, and we can stay up late playing board games and watching movies and stuff! What do you say?”

Hagumi’s eyes traced to the side. “But… I’m worried…”

“Don’t worry!” said Kokoro emphatically. “It’ll all be fine! You just need to cheer up before you’re able to help anyone else!”

Hagumi stared at her, wide-eyed, before bursting into a smile. “O-Okay! Let’s have a great sleepover, then!”

Kokoro grinned back. “Hooray!”

Meanwhile, the line of customers in front of the stand watched the girls cavort about, unaware of their presence. “Um… can I get a croquette, please…?”

* * *

After running home to quickly (and quietly) grab toiletries, clothes, and a sleeping bag, Hagumi bounced over to the Tsurumaki Manor, stepping through the golden gates with eager eyes. Kokoro beckoned her inside, dressed in a pale red gown.

“What do you wanna do first?” she asked, as they stepped into a blindingly white foyer. “We’ve got a 6D IMAX theater, a pool with real dolphins, a zero-gravity golf course…”

“Hmm… can we play Monopoly?” asked Hagumi.

“Oh! That’s my favorite!” Kokoro replied. “Let’s do that!”

They played for about two hours, ending in a complete stalemate because they kept sharing money and properties whenever one of them ended up disadvantaged. Afterwards, they got giant buckets of popcorn and watched Shrek 2 (which they both agreed was the finest cinematic masterpiece ever committed to film) before playing hide-and-seek in the manor’s 200-acre backyard. With the sun setting in the distance, they slipped into their pajamas and started braiding each other’s hair, looking out from the giant bay windows of Kokoro’s room upon the entirety of the city, Mt. Fuji’s shadow looming in the distance.

“...And then Misaki said, ‘please, for the love of all that’s holy, put that knife down right this instant!’” Kokoro recounted. “But how else was I gonna cut up that beach watermelon?”

“Good point!” said Hagumi, tying up the last of Kokoro’s golden locks. “Ok, I think you’re done.”

Kokoro examined her braids in the mirror. “Wow! You did great, Hagumi!”

“Hehe, you think?” Hagumi turned bright red. “I think you did way better, considering how short my hair is.”

“Either way, it’s amazing.” Kokoro swan dived onto her bed, giggling. “What a fun night it’s been!”

“Yeah…” Hagumi’s voice suddenly lowered. “But… I’m still thinking about home stuff.”

“Hagumi…”

“D-Don’t worry about me,” said Hagumi, forcing another smile. “I’ll be fine! Really! I… I know somebody likes me now, at least… hahaha…”

Kokoro could tell she was putting on a brave face. But how could she make Hagumi feel better? Hmm… maybe Hagumi was just overthinking things. Maybe she just needed a good night’s sleep so she could feel better. And what would be the best way to accomplish that?

“Hey, Hagumi,” said Kokoro. “Why don’t you sleep in my bed?”

Hagumi recoiled in shock. “Huh? Your bed?”

“Yeah! It’s really big, and soft, and fluffy, and you’re sure to sleep well in it!”

“Woah… but where will you sleep, Kokoron?”

Kokoro craned her neck. “My bed?”

Hagumi stared at her. “Y… You mean… together?”

Kokoro nodded. “It’ll be fun!”

After a moment of gaping, Hagumi pumped a fist. “Yeah! Lots of fun!”

They crawled under the sheets, giggling as they began tickling and poking at each other. Two pillow fights broke out before they finally settled down and turned off the lights. Kokoro watched Hagumi drift into slumber before closing her eyes, giddily thinking of the dreamland that awaited her.

* * *

She was awoken in the middle of the night by a tug on her sleeve.

“Hagumi…?” she asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

Hagumi’s eyes were shut, twitching fearfully. “No, please, stop fighting… please…”

A nightmare. Kokoro had to do something. But she didn’t want to wake Hagumi up - then she might have trouble falling asleep again. With little time to think, Kokoro did the first thing that came to mind, and pulled Hagumi’s shaking body into a hug.

“Shhh…” Kokoro whispered, stroking Hagumi’s tiny strands of hair. “It’s okay. I’m here with you.”

“Here… with me?” asked Hagumi, half-lucid.

“That’s right. I’m right here with you, Hagumi. And I always will be. Because I love you.”

She kissed Hagumi on the forehead, tenderly caressing her shoulders. 

“Ko...koron…” Slowly, Hagumi’s tosses and turns lessened, and she settled back into a still, soft slumber.

Kokoro smiled. “Good night, Hagumi.”

And with that, she closed her eyes, the two of them locked in a snuggle until morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think KokoHagu qualifies as a rarepair which makes me sad because they are the purest and softest duo you could conceive of. Actual babies. Protect and cherish.
> 
> Btw, thanks for 200 kudos! I feel like this collection's taken off much more than I thought it would, and I'm so so appreciative!


	12. Kasumi/Arisa - Flowers for Arisa (Fluff/Angst)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An experimental procedure has turned Kasumi into a genius. Arisa is pleased... at first.

“Kasumi!!” Arisa yelled, storming down the stairs to her basement. “I saw your shoes out front! How many times have I told you to wait for me to come home before you barge-”

She stopped. Kasumi, rather than tuning her guitar or snooping around like her usual nosy self, was at a whiteboard, sketching out equations with dry-erase marker and muttering to herself. Her trademark cat-ear hair had been let down into a more sensible hairdo, and a pair of oval glasses hung firmly atop her nose. As she heard Arisa descend, her eyes panned briefly over to her before turning back to the numbers. “Ah, Ichigaya-san. Greetings.”

Hearing Kasumi call Arisa “Ichigaya-san” was akin to an orangutan suddenly turning to its handler and calling her “Madame President.” The keyboardist stood there, slack-jawed, as Kasumi continued writing.

“Hmm…” Kasumi murmured, erasing a portion. “No, you have to carry the x into the stable coefficient…”

“W-What are you doing?” Arisa finally spat out. “Is this some kind of weird prank?!”

“It is nothing of the sort, Ichigaya-san,” said Kasumi, not sparing her a glance. “Ah, the paper upon the coffee table should suffice as explanation.”

Still thrown off my Kasumi’s formality, Arisa walked over and scanned the sheet, muttering its contents aloud. “‘Toyama-san, we are pleased to inform you that the experiment is a success. Your brain functions have improved exponentially, and your IQ levels now approach 500’...?” Arisa sighed angrily. “What kind of nonsense are you trying to pull now?”

“It is no nonsense, Ichigaya-san,” said Kasumi, motioning towards the whiteboard. “You may check my work for yourself, if you so please.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll poke a million holes in your… stupid…” Arisa trailed off as she actually got a good look at the equations, recognizing both their complexity and their accuracy immediately. “W...Wait. Wha…?”

“I trust that this proves the veracity of my claim?” asked Kasumi. Her voice was as flat as a chess board.

“Um…” Arisa cleared her throat, reconfiguring her brain. “So you’re, like, super smart now?”

“That is correct,” said Kasumi. “As an aside, I would like to apologize for my prior behavior. I have been acting most impolite in your living quarters. I hope you can forgive me.” She bowed.

“Oh, that’s…” Arisa swallowed and bowed back. “That’s fine. No, it’s actually great! You seem much more sensible now, haha…”

“Indeed,” said Kasumi, adjusting her glasses. “Now if you’ll excuse me, there are some calculations I’d like to check before practice begins.

“A-Alright, then.”

Kasumi nodded stoically before picking up her marker and returning to work. Arisa had to stop herself from humming as she pulled out her keyboard. No more dummy Kasumi dragging her everywhere, making her do inane tasks, embarrassing her in public… and Arisa would never have to help her study for exams or remind her of directions or teach her how to read sheet music or anything else! Was it her birthday or something? It was like a fairy godmother had granted her greatest wish.  


It wasn’t long before the other Popipa members arrived, each as stunned by Kasumi’s transformation as her (save Tae, as spacey and unperturbed as ever). Practice went without a hitch. Kasumi’s playing was smooth and spotless. Her attitude was reserved and thoughtful. And her remarks were few and far between. By the time they had all gone home and Arisa was in bed, her usual moron-induced headache was blissfully absent.

The genius Kasumi dazzled at school the next day, stumping schoolmates and teachers alike with her newfound knowledge. At first, Arisa felt a little sting of jealousy at being usurped as top of the class, but considering the situation it was more than a fair trade-off. Kasumi remained orderly during lunch, after school, and while practicing, not even once calling on Arisa to join in some stupid stunt or charade. Yup. The peaceful life she had always imagined, suddenly fallen into her lap. What could be better?

A week passed.

School. Practice. Sleep. 

School. Practice. Sleep. 

School. Practice. Sleep.

...Arisa didn’t remember her days being so… monotonous.

New Kasumi wasn’t a very good conversationalist. She responded to everything with “Yes” or “No” or “Quite” or “Hmm…” and was always mumbling to herself. She declined to write lyrics for any new songs, saying that she had “better ways to spend her time” and thrusting it on Tae and Rimi instead. She spent all her free time with a nose buried in a book, and always something pretentious - a physics treatise, a political theory,  _ Walden _ … not the kinds of reading that anybody their age would enjoy. But still… better than the blaring dummy Arisa had known before, right?

They were walking to the convenience store one evening. Arisa, eager to fill the the awkwardly dead air between them, looked to the night sky. “H-Hey! I think I see a star.”

Kasumi stared up for only a split second. “That is Venus, actually. A common mistake.”

“O-Oh…ahahaha...” Arisa tried to laugh it off. “Hey, do you remember, uh, when we first met? How those stars led you to me, and everything…”

“Those were stickers,” said Kasumi. “Though now that I think of it, I can’t recall how they appeared on the street so fortuitously.”

“R-Right,” said Arisa. “But, uh, they’re kinda… neat, you know? Stars, I mean. ‘Cuz of… what I was talking about.”

Kasumi continued flipping through her book, expressionless. “They are vast balls of burning gas millions of light years away. Curious, perhaps, but nothing remarkable.”

Arisa stopped walking.

Kasumi turned. “Ichigaya-san?”

“...Who are you?”

Kasumi adjusted her glasses. “I’m sorry?”

“Y...You’re…” Arisa suddenly exploded. “You’re not Kasumi at all!”

“Whatever do you mean?” Kasumi replied dully.

“Kasumi loved the stars! She always goes on and on about that ‘sparkling, heart-pounding’ feeling, and how she keeps trying to find it every time she performs and… and…!” Arisa pointed furiously at her. “You just talk about numbers and equations and lame things like that!”

“I… do not comprehend,” said Kasumi, brow furrowed.

“You wouldn’t you… imposter!” Arisa screamed. “Give her back! Give Kasumi back!”

“Ichigaya-san…”

Arisa crumpled to her knees, holding back tears. “G-Give me back the Kasumi I know… the Kasumi I lo…”

Embarrassment cut her off. She stared at her balled up hands, curling limply on the ground. When suddenly…

“...Hehehe.”

Arisa lifted her head. Kasumi’s entire demeanor had shifted - a pure-white smile flashed from her lips as she pumped both hands into fists.

“I knew you loved me, Arisa!”

Arisa hung there, dumbfounded, unable to utter anything save a nonplussed “Huh?”

Kasumi tossed her glasses aside and started redoing her ‘cat-ears.’ “You always act so blustery and say that I irritate you, so I decided to prove that you’d like the ol’, hyperactive me over a calm, boring version any day!”

Arisa stammered. “But I… you… the numbers…”

“O-Tae helped with all of that!” said Kasumi, flashing an earpiece. “Oh, Kaoru-san coached me with talking and stuff. And everybody in Popipa worked to keep up the game.” She leaned down and smooched Arisa on the cheek. “But now I know for sure! You really do care about me!”

Arisa’s head hung between her shoulders. “Ka...sumi…”

“Arisa!” she repeated happily.

Arisa’s head lifted, her face as red as roses. “KAAAASUMIIIII!!!”

“Yikes!” yelped Kasumi. “The old Arisa is back!”

“GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAA!!”

Arisa chased Kasumi around the neighborhood long into the night, as all the stars in the heavens above twinkled happily upon them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Churned this out quick since it's Arisa's birthday, I haven't written any KasuAri yet, and inspiration struck. Happy b-day Arisa!  
I would've written drabbles for the other Bandori girls' b-days recently but there's a bajillion in October for some reason and I only have so much time sorry  
Btw this chapter's title is a reference to [Flowers for Algernon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flowers_for_Algernon). I like that story a lot actually. Though I haven't read it since middle school...


	13. Maya/Eve - The Rhythm (Angst/Comfort)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before the biggest concert of Pastel✽Palettes' career, Maya feels out of place - but Eve knows that she's not.

The dressing room before a Pastel✽Palettes concert was always in motion. Staff members bustling about to calibrate equipment properly. Makeup artists gouging their faces with every conceivable type of cosmetic. Managers jabbering into phones to make sure the stage was set for their performance… everything gyrated at whirlwind speeds, so fast that it was sometimes difficult not to get swept off into the air.

Right now, the room around Maya churned for different reasons.

She sat clumped in her dressing chair, her eyes locked on her hands balled tightly atop her knees. She felt brushes and pencils stab at her face, painting the contours of her cheeks in an artificially natural shade. Sweat coagulated on her palms. A dozen different voices speared through her eardrums. And yet, only one word rang through her consciousness:

Budokan.

_ The  _ venue. Nowhere else in Japan compared. They would be standing on the same stage that rock legends stretching back five decades performed at. She, once a mere temp drummer, now standing at the apex, like some kind of superstar.

Her heart, like a panicked drum solo, arrhythmiatically slammed around her ribcage.

Her gaze traced upwards, to the reflection in the mirror - dolled up and porcelain, without a blemish or pair of spectacles in sight. The phrase ‘lipstick on a pig’ shot into her mind, but it didn’t feel quite right: ‘foundation on a stick bug’ seemed more apropos. A meek, unassuming creature suddenly cast into the spotlight; a stagehand who had somehow landed a leading role.

Everything swirled around her.

_ What on earth was she doing here? _

Her reflection warped into an unrecognizable image.

_ Surrounded by such talented, beautiful, lovely people? _

Her vision grew bright and spotty.

_ Did she really think she was one of them? _

The sudden sound of a stool scraping against the ground sounded from her right.

“Excuse me! I need to go to the restroom very urgently!”

Every band and staff member turned towards Eve, who stood with a hand raised like some sort of student in class.

“We’re going on soon, Eve-chan,” said Aya. “Why didn’t you-”

“Please! It is a crisis!” said Eve, her voice sounding strained. “It… It is going to come out like Takeda Katsuyori’s cavalry charge at the Battle of Nagashino!”

“Haha, that’s an interesting image,” said Hina, chuckling.

Chisato could be heard muttering “TMI” under her breath.

The closest manager sighed. “Hurry up, please. We don’t have long.”

Eve nodded and, without so much as asking, yanked Maya away by the hand as she made for the door.

“E-Eve-san?” asked Maya “What are-”

“I-I need a buddy to come with me!” Eve hastily explained. “Come along, Maya-san!”

And before anybody (including Maya) could protest, Eve had whisked her down the hallway to the ladies’ room. The keyboardist stepped into the washed-out two-stall water closet, making sure the door was closed before turning to Maya. “What is the matter?”

“Um… with me?” asked Maya. “Don’t you need to, er, go?”

“Oh! N-No, that was just an excuse to get you outside of the room.”

“...Ah.” Crafty enough - though hardly inconspicuous.

“Please, Maya,” said Eve, dropping the honorific now that they were in private. “What’s wrong?”

Maya took a deep breath. “J-Just a bit of stage fright. Same as ever. I guess I n-never change, huh?”

Eve’s concerned eyes didn’t seem convinced. “Aya-san is the one who gets stage fright. Not you. You are always so brave.”

Maya felt the small wall of denial she had built up crumble inside of her. She wilted up against the stall wall. “I… I don’t know if I can do this, Eve.”

“What do you mean? We have done a hundred concerts just like this one!”

“N-No, I mean…” There was too much to unpack right now. How could she find the words? “I… I don’t know if I’m cut out for this… idol business.”

“Maya-”

“I mean it,” she said, both shakily and emphatically. “I’m not pretty or charming or charismatic like you or the others. I-I mean, I know how to drum pretty well and all, but… I’m just so plain and dull and… and… do I really deserve to be at  _ Budokan? _ Me, of all-”

“Maya!”

Eve’s voice was firm and resolute. The anxious clamor died in Maya’s throat.

“Listen to me,” said Eve, grabbing hold of Maya’s hands. “If you do not want to perform because you do not feel comfortable, or healthy, or prepared… I would understand. And I would ask to delay the concert for your sake. But if you do not want to play because you think you do not deserve to be here…” Her grip tightened. “Then I will tell you that you belong with us, over and over, until you hear me!”

“B-But I…”

“You are our drummer, Maya,” said Eve, her voice softening. “You support us all, steadily and without fail. At the beginning, when none of us could even play our instruments properly, you were there to guide us with your tempo. And you have never once failed us! Not me, or Aya-san, or Hina-san, or Chisato-san, or anybody else! We could never perform without you!”

Maya could feel the two whirlpools of her emotions collide. “I… But… I-I don’t know if I could even keep a tempo right now. My hands are sweaty. My heart’s thumping like crazy. I’m pretty sure sticks would rattle around in my hands if I held them.”

Eve drew closer. “You just need to find a beat, yes? That will not be a problem!”

“What do you-”

Before she could finish, Eve pulled her in tightly for a hug, clasping her hands around Maya’s shoulders.

The drummer’s ear rested against her bosom, so close she could hear Eve’s heart pitter-pattering away at rapid speeds. Allegro. Vivace? No -  _ Presto _ . As fast as any pulse she had ever heard, warm and bright and vivacious and uplifting.

“A-Are… you nervous, too?” asked Maya quietly.

Eve shook her head. “No. I… I am simply happy that you are so close to me.”

She was probably red before, but now… her ears must have looked like steam geysers.

“I… I really do wish for you to have faith in yourself,” Eve continued. “To love yourself just as much as I love you… because you deserve that love, Maya! More than anybody else I know!”

She didn’t know how to respond. She could only rest her arms around Eve’s waist, eyes closed as she focused in on the rat-a-tat-tat of their heartbeats, the cadence of their veins, slowly steadying until they rested at an easy andante, four beats for every breath.

“...I think I’m ready now,” Maya said finally.

Eve beamed. “Then we should go! They will be waiting for us.”

“R-Right.”

As Maya followed Eve down the hall back to the dressing room and the band finished its preparations, she - perhaps unwisely - stewed over the issue a little more. As she stepped onto the stage and clutched her sticks in each hand, she thought about how this probably wouldn’t be the last time she’d have these doubts, or the last time she’d feel overwhelmed, or the last time she’d feel out of place.

But for now, at least, she could keep the beat.

Because the rhythm was in her heart.

She just had to listen for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written for Maya's birthday! Happy birthday, Maya!!!  
I got some comments on the last EveMaya drabble that were like "I didn't quite get this ship before but now I do!" and honestly... it makes me so happy to see that kinda of reaction. It's one of my fav ships in the game so I hope I can keep pumping out content for it! Love these dorkuses


	14. Pasupare - Careful With That Axe, Hina (Crack/Songfic)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pastel✽Palettes covers a song that is, by all accounts, not their usual style.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right buckos, we're making this a _thing_  
I'm just gonna give a quick warning this time that the song included has what I can only describe as a jump-scare in music form, so keep your volume down.

“No means no.”

The door figuratively (and literally) shut in Aya’s face as the band members of Pastel✽Palettes were once again shooed away from a production staff meeting. She clutched tightly at the paper in her hands, titled _ Proposal for Writing Our Own Songs _in cutesy red ink. Her bandmates could do little but console her.

“Ch-Cheer up, Aya-san!” said Maya, doing her best to sound encouraging. “W-We just need to keep pressing them, and they’re sure to respond!”

“We’ve asked a half-dozen times already,” said Chisato, her shoulders slumped. “At this point, there’s little we can do to wrest creative control from the hands of the managers.”

“How will we evolve as artists, then?!” asked Eve indignantly. “If we cannot express ourselves on stage as we would like, then we will lose our bushido spirit!”

“Ahaha, that’s one way to put it,” said Hina, who didn’t seem too tripped up by the matter. “Man, writing our own songs would be boppin’. Too bad.”

Aya said nothing, her hands tightening further. She was fighting back tears with every second. She knew this was how the industry worked, and yet… all five of them were tired of singing someone else’s words, playing someone else’s score. They’d played the carefully curtailed and manufactured idol role for so long - just once they’d like to try and be different.

“I… I am outraged!” Eve yelled, raising her fists in the air. “We will never be able to conquer Japan at this rate!”

“B-But what can we do?” asked Maya. “They’ll never listen to us.”

“If only we could convince them that we can sell ourselves outside of our pure idol image,” said Chisato. “But how will we do that?”

Hina’s face suddenly lit up. “Hey hey! I’ve got an idea!”

She leaned in close and whispered her scheme to the other band members, whose eyes went wide in shock.

“Th-That’s crazy!” Aya cried.

“We’d be risking our careers for sure,” said Chisato.

“A-And what song would we even pick?” asked Eve. “We would have to practice it in secret, like ninjas!”

Maya’s fingers grazed at her chin. “I… I think I have one that could work, actually.”

“Awesome!” shouted Hina, before anyone could object. “Let’s give ‘em one hell of a cover!”

* * *

Budokan.

Lights flared to life. In front of the largest crowd they’d ever seen stood five multicolored idol girls, clutching their band equipment with nervous excitement. Aya steadied her heart before speaking. “Everyone! We are Pastel✽Palettes! We hope that you’ll remember this show in your hearts forever!”

The throng roared back, waving their idol glow sticks like warriors shouting ‘banzai’ at the top of their lungs. With a quick beat, Maya led into their first song.

They played through the hits without much trouble: Shuwarin Dreaming, Unite from A to Z, and Luminous Once More all elicited great responses. But as their setlist wound down, nerves clutched at their collective hearts. Instead of closing with Pasupa Revolutions, they would be playing something _ very _different. And all they could hope for was that it would go over well.

As they rounded out the last notes of Yura Ring Dong Dance, Aya grasped the mic stand, forcing a grin. “Okay, everyone! The energy you’re giving us is super wonderful! We have just one last song for you!”

A mountain of cheers.

“I-It’s a little different from our usual sound, so…” Aya swallowed, unable to come up with any other words. “P-Please enjoy!”

There was one last wave of applause before the stage dimmed, casting the girls in complete shadow. Aya turned to Chisato in the darkness and gave a shaky nod. With a heavy sigh, the bassist began strumming a single D note in alternating octaves:

[ _ Dum… _ _ Dum… _ _ Dum… _ _ Dum… _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMpGdG27K9o)

[ _ Dum… _ _ Dum… _ _ Dum… _ _ Dum… _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMpGdG27K9o)

An ominous hum descended from the loudspeakers, casting an eerie gloom over the stadium. Mist poured from fog machines onto the stage, cloaking the idols’ feet in dire foreboding. No front lamps illuminated them - only rear lighting, shading the entirety of their expressions in deep, dark shadows. Maya began a drumbeat, steady and plodding, inviting the audience further and further into the dreary mood, their previous energy yielding to the cryptic and unexpected sobriety, their curiosity struck by the sudden shift in tone. Subconsciously, the performers onstage felt themselves do the same, their previous worries melting before the abstraction of the music, their breaths syncing to the creeping beat that needled them onward towards the unknown.

Eve’s fingers fell upon her keytar - an organ-based tune, echoing like the hymn of an abandoned church, painting a picture of a lonely, desolate, ominous place long forsaken by time. The crowd, previously uproarious, now lay enchanted by the enigmatic notes spiraling from the stage, swaying back in forth in time with the bass line, being led into the misty keyboard melody without resistance. Hina jammed a slow riff, punctuating the gothic organ with draggy, stilted chords, striding across the stage in slow, measured steps. She hummed and strummed in equal accord, settling into the psychedelic rhythm with simple ease, as if out for a nice evening jaunt through a haunted forest.

Aya whispered into the mic something quiet and inscrutable.

A distant screech careened across the speaker system.

The heavy atmosphere thickened further. The sounds of the instruments became lower and more distant, as if being filtered through water. The pacing was the same speed as before, but no longer seemed like a pleasant walk - rather, it was a reserved crawl, fretfully peeking around every corner in fear of what might be found. The shadowcast faces of the band members seemed to twist and distort in the poor lighting, warping into weeping, unconsoled figures. Aya brought her face right next to the mic, her lips millimeters away from the metal:

_ “Careful _

_ Careful _

_ Careful _

_ With That Axe, _

_ Eugene…” _

The whisper repeated once, 

twice, 

three times, like a mantra left behind by a sorrowful ghost.

_ “Careful _

_ With That Axe, _

_ Eugene…” _

For a brief moment, all seemed peaceful. The organ mellowed. The guitar stilled its strings. The notes slowed and stretched… 

  
  


calmed and breathed… 

  
  


flattened and relaxed…

until...

_ BADUM BADUM _

_ BADUMBADUMBADUMBADUM _

##  _ **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO** _

Fire and steam erupted from the stage, casting Aya’s shrieking visage in red death, her blood-curdling scream pealing from floor to ceiling in an odious, death-inducing blare. She leaned into the mic with all her might, using every last muscle in her vocal chords to let loose the most ear and soul-splitting shout a girl could muster as every other band member let loose with the full force of their power; Maya slamming and dancing her sticks across the snares and cymbals like gunfire from a thousand miniguns, ratatattating the air with thunderous bangs; Eve’s fingers prancing across the keys like kunai running through the flesh of an assassination target, quick and pointed and lethal; Chisato’s bassline steady and forceful until it bored through the skull like a drill through butter, growing stronger with each and every repetition; and Hina’s guitar roaring from end to end, liquid lightning in sonic form, lurching and swaying with every riff like a howl from the depths of hell, as she soloed in every grandstanding method possible - with teeth, between her legs, behind the head, upside down, on her knees and lifting it towards heaven like some sort of sacrificial offering, sticking her tongue out like a Gene Simmions imitator. The band members synchronized their chaos, rocking so hard that the wall of sound formed by their playing sent a dozen audience members into epilectic shock, dragging the rest down into the rawest and most untamed form of music that humankind had long ago bequeathed a simple, powerful, and undeniable name: “rock.”

The explosion petered out, smoothening into a luscious jam that stirred and shook, jived and relaxed. Aya’s voice flattened into one last pitiful wail as the sound of chaos dissipated into nothingness, leaving only Chisato’s bass, lumbering onward, horrifically undefeated by the sheer discord it had just soldiered through, until one last D note hung over the audience.

For a brief moment, the members of Pastel✽Palettes stood upon the stage, silently panting, before bowing.

“Everyone! Thank you very much!”

The crowd went insane. Light sticks flew as ravenous fans removed their shirts and began spinning them around at high velocity, their brains melted by the sheer force psychedelica they had experienced. In the front row Pareo had prostrated herself upon the ground like a prophet before her God, weeping giant tears as her memory sought to internalize every single vibration of the moment. Calls of “Encore! Encore!” reverberated almost as loudly as Aya’s screaming had, and the five members trod backstage with enthralled, adrenaline-soaked expressions.

“W-We did it!” heaved Maya, bug-eyed and frazzled out of her mind. “They _ loved _it!”

“My… My heart feels as if it is exploding within its chest!” cried Eve. “Is… Is this how a samurai feels after a victorious battle?”

“Told y’all it would work out,” said Hina smugly.

Even Chisato’s rictus grin seemed more sincere than usual. “That was… intense, certainly. The managers won’t be able to ignore us now.”

Aya nodded. “We’ve shown them just how different we can be!”

As if on cue, the group’s producers appeared in the wing, wearing bemused yet content expressions.

“Did you see us, sirs?” asked Aya, motioning towards the raucous cries of the audience. “We rocked their socks off!”

“Yes… it was an absolutely electrifying performance,” one producer admitted. “I’ve never experienced anything like it in my life.”

The five idol band girls beamed.

“Also, you’re all fired.”

Their grins froze on their faces.

“Have fun breaking into the industry again!” And with that, the idol producers sauntered away, still secure in their jobs and positions.

The former members of Pastel✽Palettes looked at each other plaintively.

“Well… nothing to stop us from doing an encore,” said Maya.

A beat of contemplation.

“Wanna play Slayer’s _ Raining Blood?” _suggested Hina.

The other four shrugged and nodded.

“I like playing metal music!” said Eve.

“It certainly does feel more representative of my inner turmoil,” Chisato admitted.

“It’s also more interesting from a technical perspective… huhehe,” Maya laughed.

Hina pulled a fistpump. “Get ready world! The era of Putrid✽Palettes starts now!”

Aya gulped. “C-Can we workshop that name, please?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus, the most legendary metal band ever was formed.  
I honestly have no idea how these particular kinds of fic come across, so I hope it's enjoyable even in just like a conceptual way of "imagining Aya screaming death at the top of her lungs is funny."  
Credit to Pink Floyd for making the perfect "I need to disassociate at _3_am" music  
And before you ask... yes, I already have songs in mind for the other bands. Look forward to those shitposts when the time comes.


	15. Ako/Rinko - All Grown Up (Future Fic)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After moving away for college, Rinko meets up with Ako for the first time in years, who's grown in more ways than one.

Rinko waited outside the mall’s train station, clutching her purse with both hands. Outside, she probably looked like she was bearing the same quiet awkwardness as usual… but inside, she was giddy with anticipation, her eyes scanning the station entrance up and down as her fingers wrapped around a tiny bat charm attached to her bag strap.

She hadn’t seen Ako in almost three years. Time sure flew when you went off to college… she could hardly believe her old friend was at university now, too. They’d kept in touch, of course, but they’d been messaging each other less and less as time passed - studying was apparently taking up all of Ako’s time, and they hadn’t gotten together on NFO in months.

Even so, Rinko was ecstatic to see her. Her time at the conservatory had really helped her blossom: besides building her piano talents, she’d made friends, joined a costume club, and even tried taking some after school public speaking courses. It’d been a lot of work, but Ako had helped her along the way. Rinko really wanted to thank her for that.

Still… the time was getting late. Rinko checked her phone, her hand reaching up to itch at her fresh bob haircut.  _ Her train was supposed to arrive ten minutes ago, but I haven’t seen her… where could she be…? _

“Yo, Rinko!”

Hearing a smooth, husky voice call her brought Rinko’s head back up to meet… a complete stranger. A tall figure, hugged by slim jeans and casually attired in a loose red tank top, with only a couple black bracelets for accessories. But there was no mistaking that curly purple hair or devilish grin. “A-Ako-chan?”

Ako chuckled as she brought Rinko into a hug. Her laughter sounded much more mature than her younger self’s snickers. “Surprised to see me after all these years?”

“I’ll… say…” said Rinko, now having to look up to meet Ako’s gaze - the opposite of her previous experience. “You look… much more like your sister now.”

“Haha, thanks. “Ako winked - it was almost sly. “I really take after her, don’t I? All cool and collected and all.”

Rinko smiled and nodded. Though, of course, she’d always thought Ako was cool.

“Anyway, what’d you wanna do?” asked Ako, stretching her limbs as she faced the mall just across the street.

“I was thinking of… just shopping,” said Rinko. “Like old times.”

“Sounds great! Let’s go!”

They set off into the mall’s glitzy interior, examining the array of shops and services that had come and gone in the past few years. As they walked, Rinko remained affixed on Ako - her new, easy stride; the casual slouch of her shoulders; the way she stuck her hands in her jeans pocket with the thumbs dangling out… not at all like the manic squirreliness of the past. They’d both grown, it seemed.

While it had been a long while, their old routine was still familiar to them. “Bookstore first?” asked Ako, to which Rinko nodded. They entered the familiar, slightly-dusty shop, where their paths always diverged temporarily - Rinko would check out the current novel selection, while Ako would spend time flipping through the manga section. Then they reconvened, bought anything they wanted, and left.

At least, that’s how it usually went. Today, Ako followed Rinko into the literature section, causing the keyboardist to look at her in muted surprise. “Aren’t you going to check out the shounen selection…?”

“I don’t really read that stuff these days,” said Ako, smiling and waving dismissively. “Nowadays I’m more into stuff like… this, y’know?” She pointed at a copy of  _ IQ84  _ on the shelf.

“Oh… are you a Murakami fan…?” asked Rinko. “What’s your favorite work of his…?”

“Uh… hard choice, but this one, I think,” said Ako, her finger not moving.

Rinko’s expression lightened - she and Ako already shared a lot of interests, but she never expected her to get into this. “I like... _The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle... _and _Kafka on the Shore_… though _Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World _is great too…”

“Yeah, er, totally!” said Ako, flashing her teeth. “It’s, um, been a while since I read ‘em, so I’m fuzzy on the details, but I remember liking them a lot!”

“Would you like… recommendations?” asked Rinko. “I know other authors… who are like him.”

“Oh, I’m not really in a buying mood today,” said Ako. “Just browsing! Saving money’s important now that I’m a uni kid, haha.”

“Oh… alright.” After perusing a little longer, Rinko picked out two novels and bought them up front. Secretly, she hoped that maybe Ako would show an interest and ask to borrow them - though the chances of that happening were admittedly slim.

Next up on their shopping schedule: clothes. Rinko knew just the store Ako liked, making her way for the east corner of the second floor without so much as asking. “Here we are… Hot Topic.”

Ako put her hands on her hips as she looked up at the gaudy logo. “Wow! This place brings back memories. Although, uh…” She chuckled nervously. “Sorry, Rinko, but I don’t really shop here anymore.”

Rinko blinked. “Really?”

Ako shook her head. “Yeah, all that kinda goth stuff? Old phase. I get kinda embarrassed just thinking about it. I shop at places like… Forever 21 now.”

“Forever… 21…”

“Y-Yeah,” said Ako. “I mean, if  _ you  _ wanna shop here, go ahead, but I’ll-”

“N-No, it’s fine,” said Rinko, shaking her head. “I’ve just… never been to that store… so I’ll go with you.”

“C-Cool!” Ako coughed. “Let’s check it out, then!”

They did just that. Rinko found some outfits she liked at the new store, but everything was just a touch off: either too simple, or too flashy, or too… normie (she didn’t have another word for it). After a few minutes of browsing, she left without buying anything, waiting outside the store for Ako to finish shopping. To her surprise, her violet-haired compatriot also exited the store empty-handed. “Nothing good today,” she explained with a resigned grin.

The mood felt a little more dour now for whatever reason. Fortunately, Rinko knew the last activity would do away with the glum in one fell swoop - the arcade. This is really where the two of them spent hours - whether it was 1v1ing in fighters, playing their favorite rhythm game tracks, or sinking away thousands of yen to collect crane game prizes… it was like a little sanctuary for the two of them. A home away from home. Rinko beheld at the inviting array of whirring lights and clicking sounds with a relaxed smile, feeling the wave of familiar sensations wash over her. “Are you ready to play, Ako-chan?”

“Uh, Rinko,” said Ako, looking at the same sight with a bit lip. “I dunno how to tell you this, but…”

“What is it?”

Ako rubbed the back of her head, glancing away. “I, uh… don’t really play games a lot. Not since you left.”

“...What…?”

“I mean, I like playing NFO with you!” Ako hurried to say. “Playing anything with you is loads of fun! But games in general are just…” she shrugged. “Kiddy stuff, you know?”

Rinko didn’t reply.

“S-Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply you liked kids’ stuff,” said Ako. “I, er…”

“It’s… okay,” said Rinko. “I was just thinking… you really have grown up, Ako-chan.”

Ako couldn’t hide her delight. “I have?”

Rinko nodded. “Yeah… but… I have to admit, I kind of… miss being teens. Throwing on leather clothes… spending hours on NFO raids… listening to your cool dark angel lines...”

It was Ako’s turn to be silent.

“But… people change, I guess.” Rinko smiled sadly. “Even if we don’t quite have the same interests anymore… you’re still my friend… so let’s find something we can enjoy together… okay?”

She couldn’t stop herself from turning away. Oh no, she had said more than she should’ve. Now it sounded like she was guilt tripping Ako… she didn’t want that. All she wanted was to spend time with her…

“R...R-Rinrin…”

Rinko lifted her head to meet the giant, watery eyes of her best friend, mere moments before:

_ “Rinriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!” _

Ako collapsed into Rinko’s arms, blubbering with all of her might. This wasn’t the first time something like this had happened, but the last time it had occurred Ako was half her current size; Rinko was struggling to remain upright and console her. “A-Ako-chan…?”

“I’m sorrrry! I liiii-hii-hiiied!” Ako wailed through big snotty tears. “I still like all that stuff! All the overdramatic battle manga! All the zippered-up goth clothes! A-All the super cool video games! B-But I thought if you knew that I still liked all that stuff, you’d think I was still a kid!”

“Ako-ch-”

“I-I wanted to look like a big cool adult, so I pretended to like cooler adult things! B-But I didn’t realize it’d make you sad! I’m so sorr-hee-heeee!” She blew her nose right into Rinko’s blouse.

“Oh, Ako-chan…” said Rinko, consoling her. “You’ve always been cool to me.”

Ako looked up, sniffling. “I-I have?”

“Of course. So outgoing… and dashing… and unafraid… I couldn’t ever think of a cooler person.” Rinko smiled. “Especially when you became a demon…”

For a moment, Ako pulled back and just looked at her, with crimson pools of tears. And then…

“Hehehe…”

Thunder. 

“Ahahaha…”

Lightning. 

“AHAHAHAHAHA!”

Like a morning star fallen from heaven, the dark angel descended once more.

“M-My apologies, dear Rinrin!” said Ako, striking a flamboyant pose with her hand. “I was blinded by my own arrogance, but no more… the fallen angel may bring chaos and darkness to all, but even she must cherish her vaunted allies!”

Rinko giggled.

“Now then!” Ako made a grand sweeping motion - she was much more imposing now, considering her new height. “I must atone, just as I have atoned for all my other sins… alas, my hand aches! It yearns for the grip of a joystick, the pulse of the buttons… the…” She closed her eyes and swallowed. “Th-The warm grasp of her closest comrade!”

Rinko understood immediately, grabbing Ako’s free hand with her own, intertwining their fingers together.

“F-Forsooth!” cried Ako, now blushing. “The mephisto waltz lightly descends upon the heathens, inviting them to ruin… hark, let us crush the peons and infidels beneath us with our Tekken Tag Tournament 2 play!”

As they began striding inside, Rinko felt the smile on her face blossom further. “Ako-chan… you have grown.”

“I-I have?”

“Yes… you don’t need me to help you finish your monologues anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Been a while since I updated this!
> 
> The "Ako hits a growth spurt" headcanon is pretty common so I wanted to provide my own spin on it. I feel bad that it's taken me this long to write content for her and Rinko 'cuz they're honestly a super cute couple... underrated. (Disclaimer: I claim 90% of Bandori ships are underrated)
> 
> P.S. You may be wondering what happened to Roselia post-graduation in this story. They're still together - they all ended up going to college in the same area - but they had to find a new drummer, since Sayo was NOT going to let Ako skimp out on her education just to play music.
> 
> P.P.S. I've never read Murakami either Ako don't worry I'm a poseur too


	16. Aya/Hina - Monoamory (Sickfic)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Aya's birthday, and she's sick. Hina's choice of remedies is... eclectic, to say the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna give a hefty content warning this time: if you're not okay with creepy-crawlies (of the bloodsucking variety), dead animals, or other kinda icky medical stuff... you'll probably wanna skip this one.

When she looked at her life from a broad point of view, Aya had to admit that she was pretty lucky to be where she was. But even with that perspective in mind, she felt incredibly unfortunate a lot of the time. Tripping on cracks in the sidewalk, getting scolded at work, having her bandmates laugh whenever she came up with a new catchphrase… she was used to misfortune nipping at her heels.

But this - being bedridden with an awful fever on her _ birthday, _ of all days - that had to be a new low. All her excitement: vanished. All her plans: cancelled. All her friends: absent. Not that she’d want them to catch what she had, but… when she messaged the group chat to announce her illness, she had hoped that her bandmates would jump at the opportunity to come and take care of her. But nope! They all just wished her well and told her to drink plenty of fluids. _ It was her birthday! _Were they all just going to up and ignore her?

“Ooouuuuugh…” she moaned, wearily sinking into her mattress. All she wanted to do was sleep; she was so tired. What kind of crummy celebration was this?

Suddenly, a knock on the door. “Patient Maruyama~? The doctor is here to make a house call~!”

Despite her fatigue, she nearly bolted out of her sheets. “H-Hina-chan!”

“That’s right!” called Hina through the door, as the clatter of bottles sounded from beside her. “I’ve got your remedy right here!”

Aya wanted to cry. She _ did _cry. Hina coming to her rescue was legitimately unexpected, and even if the medicine wasn’t effective her company was greatly appreciated. “I-I can’t get up to let you in… but the door’s unlocked.”

“Gotcha.” The door unlatched and into the room stepped…

A girl wearing a top hat and a plague doctor’s mask, her bag overflowing with noxious fumes.

Aya’s grateful smile morphed into wide-eyed shock. “H-Hina-chan?”

“Good day, my boppin’ patient~!” Hina called, setting the bag full of implements to the side. “Don’t worry - I’ll fix you up in no time!”

“What’s with… all that?” asked Aya weakly, motioning towards the bag, which seemed to writhe in place.

“Oh, that just has all the medicine!” said Hina, beginning to unpack bizarrely colored vials and setting them on Aya’s desk. “Me, Eve-chan and Kokoro-chan have been reading up on some retro doctor techniques, so I figured I’d try some out with you!”

Retro…? “D-Don’t you have some more… _ normal _medicine?”

“It’ll work out zippity-zap!” said Hina. “It’s just… whaddya call it… homeopathy! A little different from the norm, just like me!”

Well… Hina seemed confident. And she _ was _a genius. Aya supposed she could be trusted. “A-Alright. What treatment do we start with!”

“This!” Hina held out a jar full of charred-black material, long and stringy.

“Um… what is that?”

“Burnt onions!” said Hina. “Rub ‘em on your skin. It should help.”

_ Burnt onions? _ “I-Is that really useful…?”

“Won’t know until you try!”

Aya had no idea what the actual medical applications of burnt onions were, but if Hina thought it’d help… she took a handful of the scalded vegetables and began rubbing them on her arms.

“Make sure to get it on your whole body! That means torso!”

“O-Okay,” said Aya. “C-Can you look away, at least?”

Hina nodded, beginning preparations on her next implement as Aya stuck a bunch of onions under her shirt, feeling the brittle charcoal flake against her skin. Just as she had finished making sure she was covered, Hina handed her another jar, this one filled with soft, pinkish cubes.

“Same deal?” asked Aya.

“Yup.”

Aya took a handful and began rubbing down her skin again, as the cold juice from the cubes mixed with the onions. “Um… what are these?”

“Oh, that? That’s raw, chopped-up snake meat.”

After a beat of shock, Aya scrambled out of bed, hurling the meat away as hard as her limp arms would allow. _ “Snake meat?!!? GROSS! How is that supposed to help?!” _

Hina shrugged. “It just is! You seemed to take the onions just fine…”

“Th-That wasn’t a dead animal!” Aya cried, tears welling up in her eyes.

“Is that a problem?” asked Hina. “I was gonna try a dessicated pigeon next…”

“No more rubbing dead things on my skin!” Aya commanded. “I-It’s not helping, anyway!” Indeed, she felt twice as exhausted as before.

“Okay, then!” Hina replied, not skipping a beat. She grabbed a vial filled with silvery liquid and handed it to Aya. “Drink this.”

Aya took the vial and sniffed it - she didn’t smell anything funky, at least. “What is it?” she asked, bringing her lips to the brim.

“A mixture of some stuff - minerals, treacle, gravy - but mostly mercury!”

The liquid stopped inches from Aya’s lips. “M-Mercury? Isn’t that a metal? Th-That’s not safe to drink!”

“It isn’t?” asked Hina. “I read that it helped cure Ben Franklin’s syphilis.”

_ “Well I don’t have syphilis!” _

“Good to know,” said Hina, winking.

Aya growled as she thrust the vial back into Hina’s hands. “Don’t you have something less… poisonous?”

“Hmm…” Hina’s head moved to scan the room, eventually falling upon an empty trash can. “Can I borrow this?”

“Um… I-I guess?” Aya had no idea what Hina was going to use a trash can for, but there were more dangerous tools.

Hina took out a large pouch filled with herbs and began tossing them in in large pinches, taking dollops and dabs from other bag pouches in liberal quantities, humming as she went.

_ Is she going to mix them together or something…? _Asked Aya, wondering if she had some sort of stick to use as a makeshift pestle for the trash can’s makeshift mortar.

Without a word, Hina took out a match, lit it, and tossed it into the can, still humming as the herbal mix lit ablaze.

_ “Hina-chaaaaaaaaaan!” _

“The fumes should help clear out your system!” Hina explained, as the green mixture of powder formed a particularly pungent smoke. “Mm… like a fresh meadow… all fwah-fwah and swoo-swoo…”

_ “Put it out put it out put it ouuuuuuut!” _

Aya’s screaming was loud enough for Hina to get the memo, and she ran to Aya’s bathroom sink to dowse the tiny trash fire. When she returned, only one thing was left burning up within the room.

“Uuuuuuuuuooooooough…” Aya groaned, sinking back into bed. “I feel like I’m going to pass out…”

“Hm… nothing’s working,” said Hina, reaching back into her doctor bag. “This illness is a toughie! Fortunately, we still have the doctor staple to try!”

“Ibuprofen…?” Aya suggested.

Hina triumphantly pulled out a long, brown worm with teeth at one end. “Leeches!”

Aya’s scream could be heard in Timbuktu.

“Aw, come on, they don’t bite,” said Hina.

_ “Yes they do! That’s the ENTIRE POINT!” _

“Oh yeah!” Hina thumped herself on the head, winking with her tongue stuck out. “I can be a really dummy sometimes, haha.”

Aya didn’t even have the energy to talk anymore. She simply slithered into her bedsheets, miserable and defeated.

“Man, this plague is really gettin’ to you, huh? Makin’ you all grk-grk and uppity-up…”

“It’s not… a plague…” Aya moaned. “You don’t even know what sickness I have, do you?”

“Guess not,” said Hina. “What are your symptoms, anyway?”

“Well…” Aya began, nearly breathless. “I’m mostly just really tired. And I’ve got a fever. Though I’m not sniffly or anything… oh, and I’ve got these weird lump things on my neck.”

Hina punched those items into her phone immediately. “Well, according to the internet, you have mono.”

“Mono?”

“Y’know… kissing disease?”

“Kissing disease?” asked Aya. “When would I have gotten-”

And that’s when she remembered:

The Christmas party two days prior.

The mistletoe.

Oh, that dastardly mistletoe.

“Wow~! Hina lilted. “I guess we shouldn’t have made out… thirty? Forty times?”

“I-It wasn’t that many!”

“Really? Pretty sure I lost count around thirty-six…”

Flustered, Aya covered her head with a blanket. “Pl-Please don’t make me remember… Chisato-chan and everybody were watching!”

“Well you didn’t realize that till the end,” hummed Hina. “I guess this is your punishment, huh?”

“Oooough… I really am unlucky…!”

“Hey, cheer up!” said Hina, removing her top hat. “If you’ve got mono, you know what that means, right?”

“...What?”

Hina pulled off her doctor mask to reveal her usual grin. “It means _ I’ve _got mono, which means there’s nothing stopping me from snuggling up close to you~!”

“H-Hey wait!”

Too late - Hina had already dived under the blankets, enveloping Aya’s aching body in her soft, wiry arms. The vocalist didn’t have the strength to resist - not that she wanted to. The sensation of finally being embraced so tenderly, after experiencing such headaches… it was a catharsis that few would ever know.

“Boy, you sure are warm,” said Hina, hugging her closer. “You like being the little spoon?”

“Y...Yeah…” Aya admitted. Hina sure could be rough, but man did she know how to be soft… nuzzling her nose against the back of Aya’s neck, stroking the side of her abdomen gently, sliding down to grasp Aya’s hands with her own… even planting little smooches on her shoulder. So sweet. “Hina… k-keep kissing there. That feels nice.”

“Uh…… that’s not me.”

Not her? Then who was-? Aya reached back to her shoulder, and her hand grabbed onto… 

A long, slimy, thirsty leech.

The ensuing scream was so annihilatory that her vocal chords wouldn’t work for a month.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday Aya! I'm sorry I made you suffer so much. You don't deserve it.
> 
> Pretty much everything Hina did in this chapter was, at one point, used in plague treatments, apparently. Boy, medicine used to be _fucked_
> 
> (Also it takes more than a couple days for mono symptoms to surface but shhhhhhh)


	17. Sayo/Tsugumi - Feeling Thirsty (Vampire AU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As a vampire, Sayo doesn't like sunshine. Even though Tsugumi emits it.

Vampires didn’t like light. The sun was the only source of it that could actually kill one, but even torches and the moon weren’t agreeable to them. Dim corners, cloudy nights, and long shadows were their preferred habitats. They were creatures who cherished the dark - at least, that’s what Sayo had always presumed.

And yet, somehow, her home had been brightened beyond recognition.

“Oh, Ms. Sayo! Good morning! Or, er, should I say good night…?”

Yes. The cheeriness of her greeting… the vivacity of her movements… the warmth in her smile… this girl truly was the brightest thing Sayo had ever seen.

Tsugumi put a stack of books to the side, busting out a duster to wipe away the cobwebs that had accumulated behind Sayo’s bookshelves. “I hope I’m not being too presumptuous! I haven’t thrown anything out; I just arranged them by the door there. I hope that’s okay!”

“Hm? Oh, yes, that’s fine.” Sayo felt a little peculiar watching her new guest scurry about in an effort to clean things up - she was so used to her castle being a dusty necropolis full of doom and gloom that it felt rather strange to see someone actually try to spruce the place up. It wasn’t as if Sayo liked living in such murk; it was just that she lived alone, and didn’t have much reason to clean. Though now that she saw how polished the halls and parlors could be with a little bit of upkeep, she was beginning to have second thoughts.

“I’ll try to have the library done by the end of the day!” said Tsugumi, working the duster around a corner. “Or, uh… end of the night? I-I’m not used to this kind of schedule…”

“...You don’t have to worry about it.”

Tsugumi giggled. “Well, yeah, it’s just a little semantic thing, hehe.”

“No, I mean…” Sayo sighed. “You don’t have to take it upon yourself to clean any more of this place. You’ve done more than enough.”

Tsugumi, frazzled, shook her head. “I-I couldn’t leave it like this! Not after you saved my life like you did! I’d be a wolf’s dinner if you hadn’t come by.”

“...I was just looking for dinner myself,” said Sayo. “That I happened to save you is a coincidence. You really owe no debt to me.”

“You say that, but I’d feel terrible to just leave you here,” said Tsugumi, hoisting another stack of books. “Don’t you get lonely by yourself?”

“Not particularly,” said Sayo. It was certainly preferable to holing up in the same keep as her sister. “I’m sure your parents are worried about you, Ms. Hazawa. You should be getting home.”

“Th-The tavern will be fine for a couple more days without me!” said Tsugumi, her determination only growing stronger. “Please, just let me finish what I’ve started!”

Sayo couldn’t resist a face that eager. “...Very well. Do what you must.”

Tsugumi clasped her hands in triumph. “Wonderful! Let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you in the meantime!”

Sayo continued to look at her scamper around, only able to stomach the sight for a few moments before moving to help clean up herself. The entire time, she couldn’t help but think how strange this girl was. Most people would be terrified of a vampire and want to escape a place like this as soon as possible, wouldn't they? And yet here Tsugumi was, willingly prolonging her time, actually thankful towards Sayo, somehow. Who in the world would find her appreciable? She didn’t even have any grand legends or hushed whispers about her like Hina did - she just sat in this castle and stewed. Hardly an alluring air of mystique...

In the midst of her clean-up, Tsugumi suddenly paused. “Um… are you getting hungry?”

“Hm? Not particularly,” said Sayo, shaking her head. “Were you offering to make dinner again tonight?”

“N-No, I meant…” Tsugumi gulped. “About… your diet.”

It took Sayo a moment to understand what she meant. “Blood, you mean?”

Tsugumi nodded nervously.

“If you’re worried about me drinking from you, don’t worry,” said Sayo, smiling softly. “I swore off human blood long ago. I drink only from wildlife now.”

“...Oh,” said Tsugumi flatly. “Is human blood not good?”

“It’s rich and thick. Comparing it to human food, it’d be like fatty steak.” Sayo crossed her arms, her cape billowing across her chest. “Not to my taste.”

“Huh,” said Tsugumi, sounding a little surprised. “But… maybe you’d like to have it every now and again? Just as a treat?”

Her words bewildered Sayo. “Where are you going with this?”

Tsugumi’s eyes darted to the side. “W-Well…” Her hand reached up to cover her neck. “I-I was thinking that maybe I could repay my debt in that way.”

Sayo’s usually stoic expression gave way to total shock. A human, willingly giving herself up to be a vampire’s food? She never would have imagined it. “Out of the question.”

“But-”

“There are two paths if that happens to you,” said Sayo. “Either you have all the blood suck out of your veins and become a withered husk, or receive an infectious bite and become a vampire yourself. I want neither to happen.”

Tsugumi’s hands wrung around. “O-Okay. If that’s what you want…”

Something about her tone bothered Sayo. “Are you… disappointed?”

“W-Well…!” Tsugumi’s eyes panickedly flew around, looking at every inch of the room that wasn’t Sayo’s face. “I-It’s just that my friend Himari has these…  _ books...  _ some of which are about vampires... a-and they describe scenes where the counts lay the fair maidens down on the table and slide up their bodies before sinking their teeth into barren necks, a-a-and I guess I felt like experiencing that myself might be…”

She trailed off, now as red as blood. Sayo could do nothing but stare in confusion as Tsugumi looked for the right words.

“...k...kind of… s-spicy?”

Sayo blinked. “Spicy?”

Tsugumi nodded frenziedly.

“Are you referring to something…” Sayo coughed, turning away. “...Lascivious?” 

Steam was pouring from Tsugumi’s ears. “Well! I! Er! Um! A! Uh…!”

In spite of her own embarrassment, Sayo somehow laughed. She couldn’t remember the last time she had done that. Something about seeing Tsugumi hurry to hide her own desires was immensely charming. “I… I see. So that’s why you were asking.”

“J-J-Just forget about it!” said Tsugumi, waving her arms frantically. “I-I’ll get back to cleaning…”

“I was wondering why you’d be unafraid of an old monster like myself,” said Sayo. “But I suppose it’s clear now.”

Tsugumi stopped mid-turn, facing Sayo with an even more anxious expression. “Th-That’s not it at all! I mean, before…”

She gulped. Then, without asking, she suddenly reached out and took Sayo’s hands. Her thousand-year old cold hands felt enveloped by a basket of warmth.

“I… I like you as a person - er, vampire, Ms. Sayo!” Her eyes shone clear and honest. “When you saved me, and took me in, and gave me food, all without hesitation… I appreciated all that so much.” Her gaze moved to the floor. “I… I didn’t even think about Himari’s books being all that great until I met you. So…”

Sayo felt almost blinded by her earnestness. So forward, hardworking, and pure… a person who deserved far better than a pale villain like herself. And yet, if she had a wish…

“Do you want me to do it?”

Tsugumi looked up at her. “I-I’m sorry?”

Sayo cleared her throat. “To… b-bite you, I mean.”

Tsugumi’s mouth hung open in shock. She stuttered and stumbled over herself for a moment before taking a deep breath and shutting her eyes tightly, tilting her head to one side to expose the nape of her neck. An invitation.

Exhaling, Sayo leaned in, getting a closer look at Tsugumi’s face - the little black freckles that dotted her button nose, the little wrinkles on her forehead that crinkled whenever she got flustered, the round chin that quivered in anticipation for what was about to come, and her little pink lips that hung firm yet soft in place. Sayo took every inch in, noticing a new detail that she adored with every moment. Until, subconsciously, without intention…

She touched lips to hers.

Tsugumi’s eyes opened wide at the contact. 

A split-second later, Sayo recoiled, dazed by her own actions. “I-I’m so sorry! I didn’t intend to… I-I…”

“It… It’s okay,” said Tsugumi warmly, her cheeks flush. “I mean… it wasn’t very spicy, but…”

She smiled so brightly that Sayo was certain she would turn to ash on the spot.

“It was sweet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To me Sayo and Tsugu are the epitome of a 17th century Puritanical couple that gasps at exposed ankles and tries to dispel any thoughts of their flames in the slightest, but once the barrier gets broken down they just. Can't contain themselves.
> 
> Also when Hina comes over to play Uno Tsugumi is _totally_ onboard
> 
> Happy birthday Tsugumi!!!


	18. Reona/Chiyu - Reinventing Nyubara Reona (Trans Fic)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reona wasn't born a girl. But after meeting Chiyu, she knows what kind of woman she wants to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put a bit more effort into this drabble than I usually do, as it deals with a subject matter I haven't written about before. I (currently) do not identify as trans, but did my best to address the topics with thoughtfulness and care. Of course, I have blind spots and can only do so well with such matters, so if you have any feedback as to how I can improve my depiction of such characters, please let me know. I want to be as honest, real, and accurate in my writing as I possibly can.
> 
> CW: transphobia (external and internal), dysphoria
> 
> (The title is in reference to Reinventing Axl Rose by Against Me!, one of my favorite albums ever)

Reona wasn’t sure what it meant to be a girl.

Even though she knew she wanted to be one - that she _ was _ one - finding out _ how to be _ one was a struggle all its own. At first she thought it was just like being one of the idols on TV: frilly and pink and feminine and adorable. Reona liked all of those things, and she always did her best to show off her bubbly, peppy self with as bright a smile as she could. But that just got her snickers and swirlies and sneers as people called her names that she didn’t like to remember. So after a while of that she stopped. Even if the whispers about her didn’t.

All of those rumors made her feel scrawny and weak and helpless. Was that what a girl was supposed to be? Definitely not - girls were tough and resilient and cool and strong. So she styled herself like that. Dark clothes, spiked bracelets, piercings… along with the little touches like thick makeup and pleated skirts, just to make sure people got the memo. But just because she looked tough didn’t mean she _ was _ tough, as she was reminded when she spent hours crying in the boys’ bathroom (she wasn’t allowed in the girls’, as the school reminded her through grit teeth every week) after being pelted with cafeteria food.

She pleaded with her parents to let her go to an all-girls school. They asked what was wrong with co-ed. Surely she could be herself just fine there, right? Surely her classmates would stop bullying her if she just showed them that she wasn’t bothered by it, right? Surely if she just dressed like ‘normal’ and just told people upfront about her gender then they’d respect it and leave her alone, right? The feet dragging continued until she nearly collapsed on the living room floor from desperation. And even then, she could tell with their averted eyes and muted coughs how they really felt.

Now that she was at a girls’ academy, Reona figured she could be a more simple kind of woman. Wear the uniform plainly. Put on just a light touch of makeup. Talk about… which boys she thought were cute, or something. But that didn’t work out either. Maybe it was because she never really liked boys. Talking to them. Talking about them. Being told she was one of them. She’d prefer to think about those girls on the stage with their lacy uniforms and rainbow-colored hair, so dazzling and colorful and bright… after all this time, that was still the kind of girl she admired - the kind she wanted to be.

At least, she thought she did.

But trying that just got half-disguised giggles as she walked down the hall, and displeased mutters as she entered the classrooms, and her multicolored wig torn off her head and tossed along with her bag out the window and into the courtyard fountain because all the other girls (who never had to think hard about being a girl) thought it’d be funny. So why did she still do it? She asked herself it so often, and sometimes didn’t have an answer.

She was fighting back tears as she picked her notebooks and makeup bag and other miscellany out of the fountain, feeling the chilled, lichen-soaked water coagulate around her knees. Sometimes she wasn’t sure why she always bothered fishing her things out - they always ended up ruined, or smelling like mildew, or just reminding her of the torment she went through on a daily basis. She may have not known what it meant to be a girl, but she did know that she didn’t want to smell like pond water.

And if trying to be a girl meant she was going to go through that…

Then maybe… she should just not-

“Oy. You need help?”

Reona blinked, tilting her head to the side to see a short girl with long, feathery red hair fishing her wig out of the pond. Panic set in immediately. “A-Ah! D-Don’t touch that!” Reona snatched the wig from the girl’s hand, the strands still soaked with rivulets of dripping water as she crammed it back on her head.

“Hey! Ask before you grab something, _ s’il vous plait!” _The girl snapped, before sifting her hands back through the water. Her cat-ear headphones lay around her neck, her socks and shoes kicked to the side so she could wade through the fountain. Reona recognized her - she was another girl her bullies liked to harass, usually by tossing her belongings above her head like a football.

“You’re… Tamade-san, right?” asked Reona, adjusting her wig.

“Call me Chuchu,” she replied, pulling out a grimy hand mirror from the water. “You’re the girl who was locked in the toilet stall next to mine last week, right?”

“O-Oh, uh, yes!”Reona nodded shakily, forcing a smile. She hated feeling in such low spirits… she just needed to pep up a bit, right?

“What’s your name?”

“Um…” Reona could never tell people the name she was supposed to say out loud - it made her feel awkward and lousy and… not herself. So she scrambled to pull out her waterlogged wallet, zipping open the frame to pull out her ID - when Chuchu’s hand fell upon her own.

“That name doesn’t matter,” said Chuchu, both quietly and pointed. “I want your _ real _name.”

A strange feeling washed over Reona. She wasn’t used to somebody talking to her like that. “R...Reona. Nyubara Reona.”

Chuchu’s lips squirmed, as if chewing on something misshapen. “Reona? It doesn’t suit you.”

Her spirit sank, just as it had a hundred times before. She’d heard that so many times… that it was too girly, too feminine, how she should hardly be able to say it out loud without laughing it was so unbecoming of her…

“It sounds way too futuristic and robotic,” Chuchu continued. “Someone as dainty as you deserves a much cuter name.”

It was like the world flipped on its head. Reona, stared at the girl, feeling her chest rise with a sensation she couldn’t name. “D...Dainty? Cute?”

_ “Por supuesto,” _said Chuchu, smirking as she removed a textbook from the depths. “I’ve had my eye on you for a while, you know. Your fashion, sense of style, and overall aura are all primed towards one aesthetic: sugary sweet, dazzlingly demure, and marvelously multicolored.” She extended the textbook out towards her. “Am I wrong?”

Reona thoughtlessly took the book from her, continuing to stare as Chuchu turned around and muttered to herself. “Yes, someone with such a striking palette deserves a more fitting- wait… palette… pareto… pare…” She snapped her fingers and swerved around, splashing water around her legs. “I’ve got it! I’ll call you Pareo!”

The name filtered through one ear and out the other. “Pare...o…?”

_ “Ja! _It’s great, isn’t it? It sounds like one of those cutesy mascots you see on TV. Perfect for you!”

Reona knew - and loved - those kinds of mascots, but she couldn’t ever imagine being as charming as one. She repeated the name silently in her head, trying to see how well it fit her. _ Pareo… Pareo… _

Chuchu scrounged up the last of Reona’s things and put them on the fountain’s balustrade, sitting next to them with a contented sigh. “I know, I have a very creative mind, don’t I? Thank me all you’d like.” She not so subtly cupped her ear in expectation.

Reona sat down, looking over the pile of things that Chuchu had fished out of the fountain, picking at her elbow with her long, half-painted nails. “Um… thank you so much, but… why did you help me?”

Chuchu’s expression soured. “Easy. I saw those girls throw your things out and felt a kinship. That’s all.”

“A kinship?”

“That’s right,” said Chuchu, flopping her feet in and out of the water. “Those jealous bitches hate anyone who’s different - whether it’s because they weren’t born a girl, or because they’re…” She coughed. “Petite in stature.”

Reona winced at the harsh language as she looked down at her feet, unable to see their shapes through the murk. She shouldn’t have been surprised that Chuchu could tell, after that earlier comment. And it wasn’t like she was great at passing, anyway. No matter how hard she tried - how many dresses she wore, how high she inflected her voice, how careful she was to walk in a ‘feminine’ manner - everyone always knew. She was beginning to lose hope that anyone would ever see her that way.

“But…” Chuchu continued, cupping a fist with her open hand. “That’s why we’re gonna show them up.”

Reona turned to face her. “Show them up?”

“Hell yeah!” said Chuchu, jumping to her feet aboard the balustrade. “You and me, we’ve got our own sense of style. We’re mavericks - revolutionaries! We don’t give a crap what they think!”

Reona… well, she did kind of give a… _ dang _ what other people thought of her. But maybe she shouldn’t have? Maybe she should be a ‘maverick’ like this person thought she was. But how…?

“Pareo!” Chuchu suddenly shouted, pointing at her with vigor. “What do you love?”

“M-Me?” Reona twiddled her thumbs, eyes darting to avoid Chuchu’s gaze. “I-I like idols, and cute things, and pink, and… cabbage…”

_ “Esattamente! “ _said Chuchu, pressing closer. “Most people wouldn’t toss cabbage in with those other things, but you have a taste and you’re not afraid to say it! That’s just the kind of attitude we need!”

Reona didn’t really think it was that special. Was it…?

“You play the piano too, don’t you?”

Reona eeped. “H-How did you know?”

“I told you, I’ve had my eye on you,” said Chuchu, smiling arrogantly. “I heard your dulcet notes just a few days ago as I passed the music room… Stravinsky’s [ _ Petruschka _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DD77HzhRB4) _ , _wasn’t it? It takes a real master to perform a piece like that - no, an actual genius, considering your age! I bet you’ve been playing since you were quite young.”

Reona gulped. “Y-Yes. I’ve been playing for almost ten years now.”

Chuchu clapped her hands together in triumph. _ “Отлично! _Then we’re one step closer to fulfilling my dream!”

“Your dream?”

Chuchu pulled a piece of jerky out of her shirt pocket, tearing into it voraciously. “I’ve decided to start a band. Not just any band - the greatest the world has ever seen, with the songs and talent to define a generation! And _ I’m _going to be the producer!”

This was all a bit sudden. A band? Reona enjoyed the piano just fine, but-

“And you, Pareo!” declared Chuchu, pointing the half-eaten jerky straight at her nose. _ “You _ are my first recruit!”

She was once again left flabbergasted. “Me? Why?”

“Haven’t I been telling you?” said Chuchu. “Your feminine appeal is off the chart! Even here, sitting on the edge of this filth-ridden pond, caked in grime… you wear that blue-and-pink wig with dignity! Folding your hands on your lap with dainty surety! Sitting tall and proud even after the world’s beaten you down!”

Reona’s heart soared with gratitude - gratitude she didn’t know how to process. She quickly pivoted away from it. “B-But I don’t know if I can. I mean, considering what I...”

_ “Mondainai!” _ said Chuchu, now standing practically above (or, well, parallel) to her. “What you are doesn’t matter! _ Who _you are is the only thing that’s important! And I’ve made up my mind! With a sterling presence like yours, we’ll easily wedge our way into the hearts and minds of the world!” She extended a hand. “Come on, Pareo!”

She looked into the sea-blue eyes of the woman opposite her, shining and resolute. Without a hint of hesitation or doubt. They were eyes that carried a confidence that she had never known - a clarity of purpose, an unending drive. Like a blue flame, drawing herself further and further towards it. She had never known a sight so inviting. A plan so bold. A person… so considerate and admiring of her, a person who had never even cared for herself.

She wasn’t sure what it meant to be a girl.

But she did know that someone this bold, and daring, and bright… was the kind of girl she hoped to be.

So it was that Pareo took that hand, lifted herself to her feet, and smiled. “Let’s do it, Chuchu-san.”

“Hey now,” she replied, smirk-scoffing. “It’s Chuchu-_ sama _, got it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> We still don't know everything about Chuchu and Pareo's backstories, so this fic may be wildly outdated in just a week or two when more of Season 3 comes out, but I wanted my own spin on it anyway. I'd love to write a follow-up that follows Chuchu's perspective in the relationship more closely at some point!
> 
> I've been going through some primo Gender Identity Questioning lately, and while I wouldn't call this a 'vent fic', it is an expression of my desire to talk about such topics. Again, please let me know if you liked this piece, and if there's anything I can add to the content warnings to be more accurate/considerate, or feedback so that my next Transdori piece can be better than this one!


	19. Tae/Saaya - The Wrong Side of the (Rabbit) Tracks (Humor/Legal Drama)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Hanazono Land, crime doesn't pay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: cops

_ ~You Are Cordially Invited to the Grand Opening of Hanazono Land~ _

Saaya folded over the gold-foiled card in her hand, smiling contentedly as she beheld the sight before her -- an entire playground dolled up with cardboard cutout backgrounds and elaborate set-pieces, depicting forests of mushrooms, tea parties, and a host of other familiar aesthetics.  _ Alice in Hanazono Land, huh?  _ she thought, stifling a laugh.  _ I’d guess the white rabbit will show up any second… _

Sure enough, Tae popped out of nearby bushes moments later, adorned with a pair of prop rabbit ears. “I’m late. I’m late,” she repeated in monotone, hopping in a motion perhaps too similar to a rabbit as she bounded into the first area. 

Unable to contain her laughter, Saaya followed.  _ Yeah, that’s Otae alright… did she and the rest of the band build this just for me? I doubt she did this single-handedly. _

She passed through the bead curtain leading into the initial room -- the classic one featuring the door that Alice had to shrink down to enter. Sure enough, the table contained a small bottle of Yakult, pasted with a sticky note that had  _ Drink Me  _ scrawled across it in tiny handwriting. Expecting the door to open after finishing the drink, Saaya peeled off the foil lid and gulped it down without a second thought.

_ WEOOOO _

A police siren sounded two feet behind her ear, sending her jumping.

“There’s the perp!” A whistle. “Sic her!”

Before she could turn around, or even process what was happening, Saaya was tackled to the ground, her arms wrestled into handcuffs behind her back in the blink of an eye. “Wh-What’s-?”

“Shaddap!” shouted a sharp yet familiar voice as a bag was draped over her head and she was dragged to her feet and carted away. “It’s gonna be the slammer for you!”

Oh no... Was she being kidnapped?! Here, of all places? Of all the…

...Maybe it was part of the Hanazono Land experience? With anybody else, it’d be an absurd idea… but with Tae…

“You have the right to remain silent,” said a voice, which Saaya recognized as Hagumi’s. “Anything you say can and will--”

“Hold on!” barked the voice from previously, which Saaya now realized was Tomoe’s. “...Does Hanazono Land have Miranda Rights?”

“Otae said so!”

“Oh, alright.” A throat clearing, as they continued shuffling along. “Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of the Queen. You have the right to an Attorney. If you cannot afford--”

“Wh-Where are we going…?” asked Saaya, more confused than concerned.

“Who gave you the right to speak, prisoner?!”

“M-Miranda?”

“Who is Miranda, anyway?” asked Hagumi.

“Good question, but it doesn’t matter,” said Tomoe. “The Queen awaits!”

Saaya was suddenly stuffed into a chair before the bag was ripped off her head, her eyes blearily adjusting to see… a courtroom bench?

She blinked to clear her vision. She could make out Tomoe and Hagumi in what appeared to be card soldier uniforms, Rimi in a large top hat standing on the other side of the room, a jury full of peers from fellow bands (ranging from Moca to Kaoru to Ako and more), and a very irritated Arisa in the judge’s chair, who was dressed in luscious (if kitschy) red heart attire.

“Ah. I made it.”

Saaya twisted right to see Tae, still with the rabbit ears on but now dressed in a well-fitted blue suit with a briefcase, a solid bronze attorney’s pin gleaming on her lapel. “Um, Otae? C-Care to explain what’s going on?”

Tae patted her on the shoulder, shaking her head with a grim expression. “Saaya… in Hanazono Land, crime doesn’t pay.”

Crime…? “Er, what did I do exactly?”

Tae sighed. “You drank the yakult.”

“Y-Yeah? It said to.”

“The evidence says otherwise.” Tae pulled out a ziploc bag containing the small plastic jug in question, holding it close to Saaya’s eyes -- upon closer inspection, the word  _ Don’t  _ could be made out before  _ Drink Me,  _ as could the name  _ Arisa  _ on the side of the bottle. “You drank the Queen’s yakult, and now you have to pay the price.”

“I don’t really actually care…” Arisa muttered from above. It couldn’t be any more obvious that she had been roped into this somehow.

“Wait, I thought you were the Queen of Hanazono Land, Tae?” asked Saaya, thinking logically.

“There was a glorious revolution,” she replied. “I was overthrown in a bloody struggle.”

Saaya chuckled lightly. “I… see…”  _ How are you still alive, then? _

“Unfortunately, the new regime is a ruthless one,” said Tae. “There is a universal penalty for drinking someone else’s yakult.”

“What’s that?”

“Death.”

“Who would kill someone else over a bottle of yakult?!” Arisa snapped.

“You would, my liege!” said Tomoe and Hagumi simultaneously.

“Wh-Who do you take me for? A tyrant?”

“Don’t worry, I’m a good lawyer,” said Tae, paying Arisa’s outbursts no mind. “If you let me work I may be able to lighten your sentence. I don’t think I can get you off scot-free though.”

“That’s fine,” said Saaya, smiling as she began to understand the scenario concocted before her. “I mean, I’m sorry, but I did drink it…”

“Pleading guilty off the bat is bold, but I think we can do better,” said Tae. “Trust in me.”

Saaya nodded. “Thanks, Otae. My, er, life is in your hands.”

Arisa growled. “How are you playing along with this so easily…?”

“Your Honor!” Tae cried, gesticulating wildly. “Start the trial.”

Arisa grit her teeth and crossed her arms, not even bothering to raise her prop heart-shaped gavel. “Fine! So begins the trial of Saaya Yamabuki! Prosecutor Ushigome, your opening argument?”

“R-Right!” Rimi -- appearing to be dressed in some sort of burgundy Mad Hatter ensemble -- clumsily straightened up her papers (presumably a script). “U-Um, the defendant was caught on video drinking the yakult--”

“Objection!” shouted Tae. “What video do you speak of”

Arisa sighed. “Rimi, do you have the video on hand?”

“Y-Yes!”

A screen suddenly popped up below the judge’s chair  _ (how much time did they put into this?  _ Saaya wondered). Moments later, grainy monochrom footage -- like that of an ancient security camera -- showed Saaya drinking the yakult before being apprehended by Tomoe and Hagumi (who proceeded to pose for the camera).

“V-Very open and shut, as you can see…!” said Rimi, clearly trying to inject some energy into her voice.

“Objection!” cried Tae. “The footage is too difficult to make out clearly. That could have been anyone!”

Saaya really wanted to say it was just her to get it over with, but figured she might as well see where this was going.

Arisa exhaled. “...Explain, Defense.”

Tae strode before the court floor with a practiced walk. “Ladies of the jury, you’ll notice that the only truly recognizable feature of the perpetrator is her ponytail. A ponytail that truly belongs…” She swiveled on her feet and pointed dramatically at a juror in the front row. “...To one Lisa Imai!”

Everybody in the courtroom turned to face Lisa, who smiled blankly. “Um… I didn’t do it.”

“Oh, really?” Tae replied. “I’m so sorry. That was a terrible mistake on my part.”

“What’s with the attitude flip?!” Arisa snapped.

“A-As you can see,” Rimi continued, “the defendant’s guilt has been well-established. If e-even that is not enough evidence, however, we have an eyewitness account.”

“An eyewitness?” asked Saaya.

On cue, Kasumi rose into the witness stand, wearing a cheshire grin and matching cat ears. “It’s me-ow, Your Honor!”

In the jury, Yukina -- who had previously been watching with mild disinterest -- now leaned forward with intense focus.

“No more cat puns or I throw you out of the courtroom,” Arisa responded.

“Arisaaaaaaaa…”

“Don’t give me that whine!”

Rimi approached the witness stand. “Kasumi-chan, please tell us what you saw.”

“Ok, Rimirin!” Kasumi pointed towards the defendant’s bench. “I saw Saaya drink the yakult! With my own two eyes!”

“You did?” asked Saaya. “But you weren’t on the tape.”

Everybody in the court gasped and seemed to recoil in their seat.

“A… contradiction!” gasped Tae.

“Wh-What is the meaning of this, witness?” asked Rimi.

Kasumi’s shocked expression soon melted into easy confidence. “W-Well, it’s simple! I’m the Cheshire Cat! I can cam-oh-flahj myself!”

“...No you can’t,” said Arisa matter-of-factly.

“Yes I can! I ate some of Saaya’s special bread before coming here and it gave me chameleon powers!”

Arisa heaved a breath. “Kasumi, what grade are you in? Yamabuki Bread is nothing special; it can’t give you--”

“OBJECTION!” Moca suddenly bellowed from the stands. “Yamabuki Bakery bread is  _ divine!  _ How DARE you suggest it’s nothing special!”

A rabble rose amongst the crowd. “Y-You’re out of order, juror!” Arisa snapped back.

“Out of order? This whole damn court’s out of order!” Tae shouted, pounding her fist and throwing her papers in the air. “Where’s the  _ justice?  _ The  _ integrity?  _ The  _ truth?” _

“The truth is that Saaya drank the yakult!” Kasumi howled.

“That may be true, but it isn’t right!” cried Tae.

Saaya watched the carnage unfold with a dull smile, unsure how to process all -- or any -- of it.

Eventually Arisa slammed the gavel. “Order! Order! The evidence appears to be cut and dry -- all that’s left are closing arguments. Prosecutor Ushigome?”

“Um… I-I think I lost the script for that part…” Rimi replied quietly.

Arisa sighed. “Never mind, then. Defense?”

Saaya was starting to actually feel slightly nervous somehow. There wasn’t any way she was actually going to die, but… being shamed for it still didn’t feel good. Even if she was pretty sure this was some elaborate scheme to do… something.

Tae must have sensed her apprehension, because she offered her an encouraging smile before turning back to the court at large. “Ladies of the jury, Your Honor, Rimirin… tell me. What is yakult?”

“U-Um, a probiotic milk drink?” suggested Rimi.

Tae nodded slowly, as if absorbing the answer. “A probiotic milk drink. Yes. Exactly. And yet…” she motioned to the world at large. “Is it not so much more?”

Arisa pinched the bridge of her nose. “Explain.”

Tae faced her. “Your Honor. Everybody knows yakult assists in good digestion, and is great for various other health benefits. Surely any one of us would jump at the chance to drink our daily dose.”

“And? What does that have to do with anything?”

Tae motioned towards Saaya. “My client -- Saaya Yamabuki -- would you not say she is a woman of the highest moral fiber?”

Saaya wasn’t expecting  _ that. _ “T-Tae, don’t start--”

“She takes care of her family’s bakery, day in and day out,” Tae continued. “She watches after her younger siblings and her ailing mother without expecting a word of thanks. And even after caring for all of them, she takes the time to be a motherly presence for her dear friends, and all of the downtown district. Is that not commendable?”

Murmurs of agreement from the jury. “Plus she makes  _ very  _ good bread,” Moca added.

“A-And choco cornets!” said Rimi.

Saaya was resisting the urge to hide herself. “H-Honestly, it’s not that--”

“Your Honor,” Tae continued, her voice as clear and enunciated as Saaya had ever heard, “would such a righteous woman simply drink your yakult without reason? Nay -- to relieve her stress, her weariness, and her ailing gut… she did what had to be done.” A single tear flowed down her cheek. “And you would dare reprimand such an  _ angel _ for it?”

Rimi and several in the jury were crying. Kasumi blew her nose loudly into a handkerchief. Even Arisa, mouth agape with the desire to yell, seemed to be getting choked up. Saaya’s hands wrung together in gratitude as Tae took a bow before the assembly. “No further remarks, Your Honor.”

“E-Eh? Oh, uh right!” Arisa cleared her throat. “Th-The jury will convene and come to a decision now!”

The twenty-ish girls in the stands bent their heads together and whispered loudly for about seven seconds before returning to their initial positions. Misaki, as the foreman, muttered lowly as she looked at the papers in her hands, “Given the irrefutable evidence before us, we declare Saaya Yamabuki guilty on one charge of drinking yakult… however, given the arguments we’ve heard today, we encourage Your Honor to consider lightening her sentence.”

Arisa forced a nod. “Very well.” Gavel pound. “I sentence the defendant to… to…” 

Saaya leaned forward as Tae’s hand clutched around her shoulder. An exasperated sigh escaped Arisa’s lips as she fell forward into a facepalm, grumbling as she threw her script against the table.

“...To make sure she’s getting enough nutrients in her diet everyday…” A deep sigh. “...and to pay her attorney’s fees, in the form of five kisses.”

Saaya turned to Tae, who was smiling that familiarly soft, airy smile of hers. “A high price, I know. As I said -- in Hanazono Land, crime doesn’t pay.”

Saaya let loose a deep belly laugh. “Did you stage all this just for that?”

Tae shook her head. “If that was it, I would just ask.”

“Then why?”

“Well…” Tae lifted up the ziploc bag again. “I thought you could use some probiotics.”

Saaya couldn’t help herself. 

She paid off her fees right there on the courtroom floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this fic is just showcasing my subconscious desire to write that Aya Maruyama: Ace Attorney idea I've been kicking around
> 
> Also this was NOT paid for by yakult I just really craved one while writing it


	20. Masuki/Rokka - Mægenstán (Fantasy AU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rokka has been tasked with the noble quest of saving the princess -- who it turns out can save herself pretty well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was born from me unable to stop thinking of the line in S3E1 where Masuki was described as a princess in a tower.
> 
> CW: monster blood, monster death

Knights -- the eternal symbol of duty and chivalry. Those who strove to hold true to a high moral code, to assist the people of the land in any way possible, and to possess the utmost strength, loyalty, and courage in all ways of life. Unfortunately, Rokka didn’t have any of those qualities.

“Don’twannadiedon’twannadiedon’twannadie--AAAAAAAAH!”

She screamed as the cyclops’s hammer -- the size of a battering ram -- slammed into the wall ahead of her, missing her head by only a meter as the stone facade collapsed into nothing. She scrambled to her feet, hauling her rickety armor up a rocky staircase as the monster’s bludgeon was torn back from the wall. She was barely able to keep her head from whipping back as she hurried inside the oaken door at the top, slamming it shut behind her while the cankerous beast bellowed from below.

Rokka slumped down to the floor, her face stung with tears as she buried her head as low as her plate mail would allow. Why oh why had she, of all people, been sent to rescue the captive princess? She was far from the best suited to the job… clumsy, weak, inefficient… ready to be charbroiled by dragon’s breath at any moment. But even so the cat-eared empress had gesticulated wildly in her direction and proclaimed  _ Sir Lockheart! You will be the one to rescue the captured princess!  _ Her?! She couldn’t even win jousting tournaments -- she fell off her horse by her own error every time. What was she supposed to do here?

She might have lied there, mired in her own self-pity forever, if she didn’t hear the sound of snoring.  _ Loud  _ snoring. Deep, throaty, monstrous snoring. She tremulously lifted her head to see…

Florid trimmings, a dainty carpet, and a translucent curtain showing a female figure resting against a bed.

She had somehow ended up in the princess’s room. 

Rokka shot straight up, the clank of her greaves against the stone floor echoing louder than she would’ve liked. She tiptoed over as best as she can, her axe lightly clanging against the back of her mail as she approached the curtain. She’d heard tales of the princess’s beauty -- sharp-eyed and golden-haired, with a disposition both fierce and gentle. With a gulp, her fingers wrapped around the linen and yanked back the curtain.

The princess was sleeping, alright. Her hands were stuck behind her head with her elbows sticking out as one leg lay splayed out over the bed’s frame. Her maroon dress had been torn at the sleeves and at the knees, showing a terrible mistreatment. And her mouth was hung open in a wide, lazy, slightly drooling snore, the fringes of her short blond hair going every which way. Despite the racket outside, she hadn’t budged an inch. Was she enchanted? Did...

Did she need to be woken in the way princesses usually are?

Rokka gulped as she slinked over to the head of the bed, trying to find the best place to put her hands before realizing that there really wasn’t a good way to do that and that maybe she should remove her glasses first before diving into this and oh gods was she really about to kiss a girl she’d never spoken to?? Maybe it would be better to shake her awake but also she was a princess and that might be too rough and she didn’t want to get exiled for one little slip-up did she  _ wait there was no time to waste the dragon would be coming after them any minute!! _

With that train of thought in mind she bent in low over the princess’s slightly ajar mouth, feeling her face flush as she pursed her lips together and leaned in…

...Only for the princess’s dark golden eyes to peel open.

Rokka immediately jumped back as the princess sat up, yawning with a stretch before scratching her behind. “Ah, nice nap… slept like a log.” She turned to the interloper with mild interest. “Hm? Who’re you? A knight?”

“U-Um, y-y-yes!” Rokka replied, caught off guard by her casual attitude. “I-I’m Rok- er, Sir Lockheart, come to t-take thy good hand and, er…”

“You can skip the court talk,” the princess murmured sleepily, waving it off. “I’m Masuki.” She smirked as she rose to her feet. “Glad to see someone cute--”

They both freeze. Masuki coughs.

“Ahem… Er, glad to see someone else show up -- you can help me bust out of this place.”

“B-Bust out…?”

Without another word, Masuki kicked down the oak door, sending it flying down the staircase and hitting the cyclops square in the eye.

“Y-Y-Your Majesty!” Rokka squeaked out. “Th-There’s a dangerous cyclops outside! You shouldn’t--”

“Oh, that guy,” said Masuki flatly. “He’ll make a good warm-up.”

Rokka could do nothing but quiver as Masuki stepped down the stairs lightly, her hands stuffed in pockets that had been cut into her dress’s waist. As soon as she reached the screaming brute she kicked it once in the stomach, blowing it back and crashing it through several walls.

“C’mon,” said Masuki, turning around and motioning towards a dazed Rokka. “I’m sick of this place.”

It took Rokka a few seconds to process the words before she scurried up to follow into a monster-filled hallway. “U-U-Uhm, Your Majesty…”

“Masuki.”

Rokka gulped. “...Mi-Milady Masuki, have you always been so… strong?”

A howling skeleton appeared before them. Masuki’s fist turned it into a pile of bones in a flash. “Guess so.”

“I… see,” said Rokka, sparing a passing glance to the scattering of ribs before catching up to her. “E-Er, then why haven’t you escaped before?”

Masuki glared, causing Rokka to shrivel up out of fright. “Usually it’s the dragon. Hard to fight that with my bare hands.”

“D-Do you not have a weapon?”

“Nope,” said Masuki, before decking a wall slime so hard it disintegrated on the spot. “Not like that fancy axe of yours.”

Rokka gripped her axe -- the legendary  _ Mægenstán  _ \-- with tight, trembling hands. “I-It’s nothing special, really… I’m just… er…

“Nothing special? You made it all the way here…” Masuki kneed a hobgoblin in the stomach. “So you’ve gotta be pretty talented.”

“N-Not at all!” said Rokka. “I’m not strong, or bold, or courageous, or, or, or, orororororor--”

“Slow down, champ,” said Masuki, speaking with surprising tenderness as she snapped a lich’s neck. “You’re handling that two-handed battleaxe like it was a toothpick. That’s gotta be worth something.”

“W-Well-!” Rokka clumsily swung her axe in a panic, fortunately smashing a nearby orc in the face. “I-I have been practicing since I was a child, so-!”

“See? You’re a pro.” Masuki smirked. They behold the carnage in their wake before entering into the next room: a labyrinth full of spikes.

“I… guess it is my job to be a knight…”

“Yeah. And they don’t hand out peerage to just anybody.”

“They… kind of do, if you’re born into it…”

“And were you?”

Needles shot out from the wall, missing Rokka by centimeters. “N-No, I’m from the countryside.”

Masuki smiled as she yanked Rokka out of her tight spot. “Dang, and you’re adorable, too?”

Rokka became red as fire. “D-D-Do you mean that?”

A silent stutter. “Well, uh…” Masuki scratches her neck. “I just have a weakness for freckles. That’s all.”

Rokka gently grazed the spot on her face where her blemishes lay before they sauntered into the next room, which contains a bridge over boiling acid. “U-Um, I think you’re very l-l-lovely yourself, Milady Masuki…”

Masuki’s face hardens further. “Not many would say that about someone who tore off their sleeves and the bottoms of their dress.”

“Y...You did that?”

“Yeah. Makes moving around easier.”

“Oh… w-well it’s still a nice outfit.”

“Thanks.”

They continued tiptoeing across the bridge, their bodies awfully close together.

“Um… Milady Masuki?”

“Masuki.”

“M-M-Masuki… do you think we’ll be able to escape out of here?”

“For sure,” said Masuki. “After all, I’ve got you with me.”

“But I haven’t done anything.”

“Yeah you have.”

“What?”

“You’ve made it this far.”

Rokka stared at the florid rabbit on the back of Masuki’s dress as they left the room.

They both breathed a sigh of relief as they recognized the room before them -- the atrium, wide and open-skied. “See? We’re just about out of here,” said Masuki. “Let’s--”

“Ohoho… what little morsels are intending to escape my grasp?”

The beating of wings sounded in their ears Rokka and Masuki held arms aloft to ground themselves as a glittering violet dragon descends before them, smirking with serpentine satisfaction.

“Why, we have a couple of runaway kittens here,” the dragon chuckled. “Do you really endeavor to run away, my dear princess?”

Masuki flipped the dragon off. “I’m sick of your shit.”

“Oh! Such words sting me…” The dragon clasped its claws above its heart. “Alas… I’m afraid I cannot let you leave, lest I grow ever lonely.”

It happened in a second. With sudden and surprising quickness the dragon darted out its reach to ensnare Masuki in its grasp, the princess struggling and squirming within its clutches. “Hey! Let me go, dammit!”

Rokka could do nothing but watch with jellified legs.

The dragon’s chuckle boomed. “Did you really think you could escape? What a foolish little royal.”

Masuki spat in the dragon’s face. “Whatever. This time, I’m getting out!” She turned back to Rokka and smiled. “Isn’t that right?”

“H-Huh?” She squeaked out in response.

The dragon’s gaze fell upon Rokka. “This little kitten? Hm… hmhmhm… is she really stronger than yourself?”

Rokka knew the answer to that question in a heartbeat. She wasn’t the one who clobbered fiend after fiend on the way here. She wasn’t the one who could take down an undead with her bare hands. She wasn’t--

“Hell yeah she is.”

The clarity and confidence with which Masuki said it surprised both dragon and knight.

“She’s gonna rock your world.” Masuki’s grin only widens. “Isn’t that right, Sir Lockheart?”

Rokka had always thought that name was a little silly. But hearing it out of Masuki’s mouth.

“No matter,” said the dragon, chuckling again. “She’ll make a fine, fleeting dinner tonight!”

The dragon beat its wings, intending to blow Rokka back towards the wall. In that moment, she planted her axe in the ground, feeling the sharp wind send both her glasses and her hair tie flying back into the ether. But at the end of the storm, she still stood, her brow scrunched in a new emotion:

Determination.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!”

She roared as she charged forward, hoisting her axe to lock with the dragon’s claw as it swiped, ducking and dodging under fireballs and spiny needles as she reached the drake’s legs, cleaving forth with mighty two handed swipes as she digs deep beneath the dragon’s scales.

The beast howled with pain as blood oozed from its right foot, stumbling over with pure indignation. Rokka wasted no time -- she made for the drake’s tail, readied her hatchet, and hacked it clean off.

Another cry of pain, but the beast still didn’t relinquish its grip. “Let the princess go!” Rokka yelled. “You may live yet!”

The dragon said nothing, instead lunging towards her with an agape mouth, ready to swallow her whole. Rokka somersaulted forward, turned around, and arced her weapon upward, slicing the dragon’s head off in one sweeping motion.

The headless beast teetered for a moment, gasping one final “hrakanaiiii…” from its limp, beheaded mouth. With a quaking thud it fell on the ground, its claws finally releasing Masuki mid-air -- who was caught in an effortless princess carry by her knight.

“Are you alright?” asked Rokka, staring into her majesty’s face with sharp-eyed coolness.

Masuki nodded, smiling wide.

It’s when Rokka matches her smile that she realized what she’s doing. “O-Ohmygods, I’msosorry, I’llletyoudown--”

“No,” Masuki commanded. “Carry me like this for a while. I like it.”

Rokka blinked. “Y… You do?”

“Yep. I can see your freckles up even closer this way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess I should tag this fic with Major Character Death...
> 
> Can't believe I killed Kaoru on her birthday RIP to a real one


	21. Tomoe/Himari feat. Kaoru - My Himmortal (Fic Within a Fic)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tomoe stumbles across one of Himari's notebooks -- and with it, things others were not meant to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wasn't sure what to tag the ship as on this one so I'll just say that if you enjoy any combination of these three characters together you'll probably have a good time. Or a terrible one.
> 
> CW: Rated T for Teen Hormones

“Hey, Himari! You in here?”

Tomoe swiveled past the door frame into an empty classroom, seeing no sign of the wayward bassist -- just items atop a desk.

“Weird, she asked me to meet her here.” Tomoe shrugged. “She left her stuff… maybe she went to the bathroom or something?”

She idly walked over to Himari’s desk, noticing a notebook decorated with sparkles and glitter lying atop it. Tomoe spared it a glance before sitting down on the desk next to Himari’s.  _ Oh hey… math. I kinda zoned out today during class… hope she doesn’t mind if I take a peep at her notes. _

Without the slightest bit of hesitation, she picked up the pink heart-accented notebook and cracked it open. And within, she saw not equations and math symbols…

...but something she would never, ever be able to forget:

> _ i wake up 2 the alarm clock (u dont kno ur beeautiful by ONE DIRECTION XD) and drag myself out of bed. ‘uuhgh’ i say as i throw on my plain blue jeans and black tshirt before tying my plain pink hair in a messy bun. i look myself over the mirror - im not what you’d call ‘conventionalyl attractive’ with my bright green eyes and sculpted eyebrows and full lips. Im just lik any other girl really,, getting ready 4 school. _
> 
> _ with a sigh i go downstairs. my mom SCREAMS at me as soon as she sees my converses hit the bottom of the stairs. ‘ur ugly’ she shouts. ‘Also ur so disobedient and independent and freespirited and i wish u would be the perfect daughter i want u 2 be’ i yell back ‘SHUT UP MOM IM MY OWN WOMAN’ and she screamm ‘NO UR NOT NOT ANYMORE’ i gasp. wat did she mean??? ‘what do u meen mom???’ she scoffs and turns her head to the side. ‘were broke. im selling you for money. as of today u hav a new onwer.’ _
> 
> _ i gasp. A neew owner??? ‘wat do u mean, mmom? i thot i was ur daughter!!!’ ‘NOT ANYMORE YOU AREN’T’ she screams. i flip her off and call her a BTICH. she gasps. _
> 
> _ i clear the hair out of my bangs. ‘so whoo did u sell me 2?’ i enquire _
> 
> _ Theres a nock at the door. “I think thats  _ <strike> _ her _ </strike> _ him nau’ mom (or rather my former btich mom) says, opening the door. _
> 
> _ i gasp. On the other side is a TOTAL HOTTIEE.  _ <strike> _ s _ </strike> _ hes dressed in a bright white suit with a white bowtie and white cloves and white pants and a white bumberbund and a white carnation and a white smile.  _ <strike> _ s _ </strike> _ he has long pruple hair tied up ina slseek ponytail and sharp red eyes like rubies that cut you right to your soul and a face so sculpted tht taht david guy from rome wouldn’t be able to put a figner to it.  _ <strike> _ s _ </strike> _ he bows with a chadly air. ‘gooddday madam. ur looking most fletign i must say _
> 
> _ My breath hitches in my thraot.  _ <strike> _ s _ </strike> _ he’s the most bbeautiful thing ive EVER seen. And  _ <strike> _ s _ </strike> _ he’s my NEW OWNER?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!@1 _
> 
> _ ‘My name is Kaworu Seita’  _ _ s _ _ he chortltes, extending a hnad. ‘Ur [y/n] correct?] _
> 
> _ “Yes’ i moan out, feeling  _ <strike> _ her _ </strike> _ his crimson gaze bore into my soul. fuck its so hott.  _ <strike> _ S _ </strike> _ he smirks back ---- it’s like a bmillion golden sun rays hitting my eyes i think my retinas don’t work write anymore.  _
> 
> _ ‘my qween ive come 2 marry u. come along on my cherryot and well go off to greener pashtures, ones that are fleeting and elegant and coool. _
> 
> _ i feel my heart thumping like a drum insiide my chest.  _ <strike> _ S _ </strike> _ hes the sexiiest thing ive ever seen and i feel my breath gasping and panting as i breathe. im just about to taek  _ <strike> _ her _ </strike> _ his hand when……………………………………! _
> 
> _ ‘hey [y/n]! wats goinn on???’ _
> 
> _ i realease a breath i dind’t kno i was holding. On the other side of kaworu-sama is my best frined from childhood, Tomo Utakawa.  _ <strike> _ S _ </strike> _ he haslong flaming red hairs and piercing blue eyes and is wearing a choker and a black croptop that shows off  _ <strike> _ her _ </strike> _ his SICK abs and BULGING biceps right now.  _ <strike> _ s _ </strike> _ he flasheees me the same causal smirk as usul befor turning to kaworu-sama with a BIGG glare _
> 
> _ ‘wat do u think ur doing with her u PRINCEY MORON MOTHERFUKER!’ _
> 
> _ kaworu-sama justt laughs a litl.e ‘my my wats this little kitten (litten XD I luv Pokeemon) doin here? have u come 2 congrattuulate me n my new bride? _
> 
> _ “like SHIT i am!!’ tomo growls in that super cute protecctive way as  _ <strike> _ s _ </strike> _ he steps betwen me and kawor-sama. ‘ur not steling himari while im around!’ _
> 
> _ “T-t-t-t-tomo-kun…’ i blush as i look at the bakc of my childhood friend, having to stpp myself from swooning _
> 
> _ kaworu-sama just laughs again. ‘mym y, ur a feerce 1. I lik that in a  _ <strike> _ girl _ </strike> _ boy ;)’ _
> 
> _ ‘The fuk r u talkin about” tomo asks _
> 
> _ SLAM before i know it kaworu’s pinned tomo against the wall with 1 arm!!!!!  _ <strike> _ S _ </strike> _ he smirks wider in  _ _ her _ _ his dominant kabedone positionn and strooks a finger across tomo’s chin. ‘Why whats the matter kitten?? U look so goregeous when u pout ;)) _
> 
> _ Tomo growls ‘like hell i do! I don’t care wat u do 2 me just dontt lay a finger on my girflfriend! _
> 
> _ my hearrt stops as bubbles and flowers and sparkles flitter thru the air like a shojo mango.  _ <strike> _ s _ </strike> _ he...  _ <strike> _ s _ </strike> _ he had feelings form e all this time??? I always just thougt of  _ <strike> _ her _ </strike> _ him as a freind… weather it was walking home together, or playing snowball fights, or making out in the gym closet or grabbing <strike>her </strike> _ <strike> _ boob _ </strike> _ his abs on the roofttop… i ddindn reelize  _ <strike> _ s _ </strike> _ he thouht i was  _ <strike> _ her _ </strike> _ his GF tho!!! _
> 
> _ ‘all the kittens of the world are mine!’ kaworu ejaculates back ‘that’s wat shakespeer says’ _
> 
> _ ‘FUCK SHAKESPEER’ tomo snaps and then BAM  _ <strike> _ s _ </strike> _ he pivots around and now  _ <strike> _ S _ </strike> _ HES kaboedoneing kaworu!!! _
> 
> _ but kaworu just seeams to think its hot. ‘Ohoho so the little doggy has some bite after all? How fleting…’ _
> 
> _ tomo got so angry that  _ <strike> _ s _ </strike> _ he wanted to shtu kaworu up by aNY means possible. So  _ <strike> _ s _ </strike> _ he thrust  _ <strike> _ her _ </strike> _ his head forward and KISSED  _ <strike> _ HER _ </strike> _ HIM ON THE LIPS!!!!!!!!!!! _
> 
> _ For a second they just stayed locked their with their super red and tender lips locked together in bliss. slowly they opened their lips and started open-mouth frenchign right before my eyes! Befour long they wrestle to the ground, tomo’s big himbo legs straddling kaworu’s lithe chesst before snoggign on the mouth. they were ANIMALS leaping down each others throats, their tongues BATTLEING for dominance as they inhaled each others beings with succulent moanns. I stood there transfixxed on the seen because it was horrifeid and also really really hot _
> 
> _ eventually one of tomo’s hickie groanns becomes 2 much and i cnat take it anymore. “GUYS!!! STOP FIGHTING!!!” _
> 
> _ They pull away from one another on the floor and jump to their feet, kaworu tossing  _ _ her _ _ his hair back. ‘Ohohohoho ur not bad for a firsttimer ;)))’ _
> 
> _ tomo howls and starts stepping towards  _ <strike> _ her _ </strike> _ him, i hold  _ <strike> _ her _ </strike> _ him back. ‘Tomo plz!’ i weep _
> 
> _ “I cant help it’ bellows tomo. ‘i want that twink obliterated’ _
> 
> _ i start cryin out of fruststration. ‘I thought you guys loved ME! I meen making out is HOT and all but u cant keep it all 2 urselves!!!’ _
> 
> _ both kaworu and tomo look embarassed. ‘She’s right’ kaworu admits with a lamentful sigh. ‘i bought u 2 show u the world after all.’ _
> 
> _ ‘Yeah’ affirms tomo. ‘i just wanna lov u the same as always y’know???’ _
> 
> _ ‘I do know tomo!” i shout. ‘but... i can’t deccide betwen u 2!’ i collapse into a puddle of tiny tears as my ugly face grows bright with tears _
> 
> _ they both console me. I look up into their smoldering sharp eyes and feel something burn inside of me. Suddenly before i know it i’m kissing both of them. Kaworu has lips that taste like buttercream cake all smooth and rich and light and cakey. Tomo has lips that taste like cinnamon and spice and fill me with a big zest in my mouth.  _
> 
> _ i pull myself away. kaworu smirks. ‘I didnt think we’d end up in a menage a trois but alas life is feltting like that.’ tomo chuckles to h _ <strike> _ er _ </strike> _ imself ‘yeah u kno what this works out.’ i nodded as i realized these were the two hottest hunks i’d ever laid eyes upon, feelign my heart ready to burst out of my chest at any moment _
> 
> _ And then we took off our clothes and _

“Tomoe?”

She slammed the notebook shut and thrust it back on the desk before Himari entered the room, leaning back on her seat with faux-casualness. “Y-Yo!”

Himari’s cheeks puff up. “What are you doing in here? I told you to wait for me by the bathroom!”

“But you messaged me to meet you in homeroom…”

“At first! But then I texted you to--” she cuts herself off with a growl. “Urgh, does nobody read their texts? Come on…!”

Himari packs her notebook and other belongings into her bag without a second thought -- it appears she didn’t think Tomoe had read it. Not that the drummer had any sense of what to make of the… whatever that was. Was it a story? A fantasy? She was so thoroughly confused by the dialogue, pacing, and just about everything that she didn’t know what to make of it. All she understood was that it featured herself, Himari, and… Kaoru? As dudes? She was pretty sure? ...Would Kaoru be able to make sense of it?

“Tomoeeeee!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” Tomoe wraps an arm around Himari’s neck to assuage her pouts as she continues to try and comprehend what she had just read. Whether by fate or coincidence, her phone buzzed at that moment.

> Kaoru: Hello, dear Tomoe. How are you on this fine evening? I was staring out at the crimson glow of sunset and thought of you.🌇 Take care of yourself, my dear. Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you. ❤️

“Ooooh, did Kaoru-senpai text you?” asked Himari, the hearts pounding in her eyes as she peered over Tomoe's shoulder. “What’d she say?”

“Er, nothing important,” said Tomoe. “Just asking what’s up. Say, can I use the bathroom real quick?”

Himari grumbled. “This is why I asked you to-!”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry.” She gave Himari a quick apology peck as recompense. “I’ll be back soon, okay?”

Himari crossed her arms, but she looked more happy than hurt.

Tomoe began pacing towards the bathroom, using the excuse to message Kaoru in private. She wanted to ask about Himari’s weird story, but didn’t know where to begin… she was kind of bad when it came to just jumping into broad topics. Maybe it’d be better to start with a small question: Kaoru was knowledgeable. She’d probably figure out what Tomoe was getting at soon enough. So after a minute of thinking it over, she sent a reply:

> Tomoe: hey seta-senpai? do you know what a ‘menage a trois’ is?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wait for the follow-up where Himari approaches Rimi to illustrate her story as a doujin
> 
> (I'm so sorry)


	22. Sayo & Hina - The Ol' Switcharoo (Humor)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hina has convinced Sayo to pull off the classic twin swap. Nobody (except Aya) is fooled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the Hikawas' birthday, and featuring cursed content hot off the presses!
> 
> Also contains some HinaAya and SayoTsugu if your opposed to those for whatever reason

In the mirrored room of Pastel✽Palettes’ rehearsal studio, where four of the five band members were already in the middle of stretches, a girl with teal hair tied up in twin braids entered, her smile twitching involuntarily as she offered a stiff wave. “G...Good afternoon, everyone…! What’s… b-boppin’?”

Eve, Maya, and Chisato turned towards her, their expressions swiftly turning to dull perplexion. Aya, meanwhile, waved back cheerily. “Hi, Hina-chan! How are you today?”

“I’m doing qui-- er, I-I’m boppin’, Ma-- A-Aya-chan!” Her paper-width smile spread even thinner across her face. “L-Let’s do our b-boppin’ best today!”

“Yeah!” cheered Aya, striking a practiced pose.

The other three continued to look on blankly until Eve spoke. “What are you doing here, Sayo-san?”

‘Hina’ nearly tripped over. “Wh-What do you mean, Waka-- E-Eve-chan? I-It’s me! H-Hina Hikawa! A ha ha ha...”

Aya laughed. “That’s a good joke, Eve-chan. But this is clearly Hina-chan! Believe me, I’m her girlfriend; I would know.”

“Um…” began Maya, scratching the back of her head. “She’s clearly throwing her voice.”

“Whaaa?” asked Aya, double-taking towards the aquamarine guitarist whose expression had grown stiff as a board. “You’re crazy. She’s a dead ringer! She’s got the braids and everything!”

Chisato giggled. “Then I suppose I’ll have to start calling you Himari-chan, considering the two of you both have pink pigtails.”

“Oough…!” Aya turned to ‘Hina,’ frustrated beyond belief. “Back me up here, Hina-chan!”

All she got in return was a sigh, as a familiar hardness fell onto the guitarist’s face. “I should have known the charade wouldn’t last long…”

“Wh-What charade?” asked Aya. “A-Are you doing okay, bae? You’re acting kind of funny…”

“Maruyama-san, I’m not your…” Throat clear. “I’m not Hina. It’s me, Sayo.”

Aya stepped back. “What…? N-No way… th-this isn’t a trick, is it? I know you’ve pranked me by pretending to be Sayo-chan before!”

“I’m a little concerned that you can’t recognize your significant other,” said Chisato, still smirking.

Aya deflated as Sayo crossed her arms, her sharp eyes and creased brow now exuding her usual stoicism. “I apologize for the deception, Maruyama-san. It wasn’t my idea.”

“Did, er, Hina-san put you up to it?” asked Maya.

Sayo nodded. “She said she wished to… how did she put it… ‘pull the old twin switcharoo.’” Her face contorted as she said it. “Honestly…”

“I think it was charming!” said Eve. “You look very cute in her hairstyle!”

Sayo turned away slightly, the lightest of blushes crossing her face. “Regardless, I must again apologize for my transgression. I didn’t wish to deceive you in such a thoughtless manner.”

“It’s quite alright,” Chisato replied. “Honestly, Eve was correct -- it really is an adorable concept. Though I wonder why you went through with it if you seem to have so many hang-ups over the matter.”

Sayo crossed her arms, closing her eyes in thought. “Hina… was very pleading. That’s all.”

“Surely there’s more to it,” Chisato continued. “I know she can be a bit of a fireball, but certainly you, of all people, could dissuade her.”

Her words hung in the air for a moment as everyone stared at Sayo, waiting for an answer. She let out a long sigh, her expression softening. “...We used to do this sort of thing when we were kids, actually.”

“Really?” asked Aya.

Sayo nodded. “We would ‘swap places’ for a day and see if anybody at school or in the neighborhood. In retrospect we caused a great deal of trouble for everyone around us, but… for us two, it was a great deal of fun.” She stared at her reflection in the mirror. “But people eventually caught on. It only made sense -- she and I aren’t of equal ability, after all.”

“Sayo-san…” said Eve.

“S-So you were doing it for old times’ sake, then?” asked Maya. “You never struck me as a nostalgic person…”

Sayo shook her head. “Dwelling on the past tends to make me feel more bitter than sweet. But… for the longest time, I shunned Hina with every fiber of my being. I directed every ounce of energy to shutting her out and refusing her desires… even when she only wanted what’s best for me. I was a terrible sister. So I suppose…” Exhale. “...I simply want to make up for lost time. Any way I can.”

Silence -- not the uncomfortable kind, but the sort that always lingered after something heavy. The quiet was broken by the sound of Aya sobbing.

“Maruyama-san?” said Sayo, stepping over with concern. “What’s wrong? Have I upset you?”

“Y-You  _ are _ a good sister, Sayo-chan!” Aya wailed.

Sayo blinked rapidly, taken aback by the sudden compliment.

“She is right!” said Eve. “Doing such a prank may seem silly, but if you did it because Hina-san wanted to then you care about her deeply.”

“I… I don’t know about that…” Sayo replied, rubbing her arm with hesitation.

“I dunno, it’s kinda a fun idea, huhehe,” said Maya. “Maybe we could try out an actual proper band swap sometime? I think you’d have a good time in Pastel✽Palettes.”

“W-Well…” Sayo coughed. “I hardly think such things would be beneficial to either of our band’s development.”

“And cutting your hair to match Hina’s length helps you out greatly, I presume?” asked Chisato.

“Th-That’s a separate matter!”

Laughter from all around (save Aya, who was still crying). 

Sayo was caught off-guard by how… warm this reception was. “Are you truly not mad at me?”

“Why would we be?” asked Eve. “We enjoy your company, Sayo-san!”

“And this is really light, as far as pranks with Hina-san go,” said Maya.

“I-I-I’m a little mad…” Aya admitted, too quiet for anyone to hear.

Sayo sighed with relief. “Well then. I won’t fret over the matter. Although I suppose I should practice with you in the meanwhile to cover for Hina.”

“Yes, a wonderful idea,” said Chisato, nodding towards the instruments perched on their stands in the corner. “We’re in your care today, Sayo-san.”

Sayo smiled. “Likewise.”

As the other members picked up their instruments, Aya grumbled to herself. “What’s Hina-chan even doing right now…?”

* * *

“Sorry I’m late!” yelped Lisa, bursting into the CiRCLE studio with spent breath. “Got caught up in--”

“Imai-san!”

A voice as sharp as blades slashed through Lisa as soon as she entered, the imposing figure of a cross teal-haired woman looming before her, glaring daggers into her soul. The other members of the room lay around the fringes of the room, slightly shrunken in the face of such a menacing aura.

“Imai-san, you are exactly twelve minutes, forty-nine seconds, and seventy-eight milliseconds late,” said ‘Sayo,’ not even glancing at the clock. “If we wish for Roselia to be the best, then we have no choice but to demonstrate the utmost punctuality!”

“S-Sorry, I was just--” Lisa stopped. “Hold on, that voice… Hi--”

A snap of the fingers. “You’re dawdling, Imai-san! Such disrespectful behavior can hardly be described as boppin’! Now pick up your bass and get to practice!”

“R-Right!” Lisa felt herself get caught up in the flow of ‘Sayo’s’ intimidation, skedaddling over to unzip her instrument bag. She ended up right next to Rinko, who was doodling the first notes of Megalovania out on her keyboard. “Um… Rinko? Is everything okay?”

“Sayo-san… told me to practice this song… for our next live show…” she replied.

“I’m working on the drum part now!” Ako hollered before launching into the middle fills of the song.

Lisa glanced over at Yukina, who was surprisingly on her phone. “A-Are you going to practice, Yukina?”

“Shortly,” said Yukina. “Sayo recommended that I look at songs for us to cover first -- she provided a playlist. I must say she provided some astute choices.”

"Weren't we going to cover Bad Apple...?"

From Yukina’s phone, Lisa could hear a faint melody.

> _ Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo _
> 
> _ Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo _
> 
> _ Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo _
> 
> _ Baby shark! _

“Uh…” Lisa gathered herself, facing the teal interloper in the middle of the room with a smile. “Hi-- er, Sayo, was it? Do you want to explain what’s going on?”

“Hold your tongue, Imai-san,” said ‘Sayo.’ “I’m messaging Hazawa-san right now. It is a matter of critical import. Get to practicing, if you wish to consider yourself fully devoted to Roselia.”

“O-Okay, then…” Lisa had no idea what Hina was up to, but she could get the sense that she was having fun. Of some sort. She picked up her bass and began tuning as Hina’s fingers ran like wildfire across the keyboard of Sayo’s phone:

> _ Dear Hazawa-san. I find you to be an angelic madame of the utmost poise and beauty. I smell your coffee-scented hair in the morning breeze and long to caress your cherubic face in my dreams. You are, without a doubt, the most luscious woman this world has ever seen. I wish for nothing more in life than for you to ravish me on this very evening. I expect you at my bedroom window at 7 o’clock sharp. Come and make a maiden of me. Your dearest, Sayo Hikawa. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I leave Tsugumi's response for someone else to write
> 
> Happy birthday twins!


	23. Rimi/Rei - Fallin' (First Meetings)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rimi tries to figure out how she wants to confess to Kaoru when an unexpected ally catches her eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh I can't believe I'm pioneering a ship tag for once. Uncharted territory here. Ma, pa, are you proud of me?

> _ Dear Kaoru-san _
> 
> _ I’m sure you get many letters like this. I know there are many girls out there who have similar feelings, and love you each in their own particular ways. I’m not sure if what I’m about to say will be special, but I feel I have to say it anyways. _
> 
> _ You inspire me, Kaoru-san. You’re so bold and outgoing and passionate and yourself. I always feel afraid to express myself, and that I’m a little cowardly, but seeing you shine in everything you do really inspires me. I want to be as brave and encouraging as you. And that’s why I want to say… _

Rimi stared at the letter with pencil in hand, her mind blank upon thinking of what to write next. “I want to get to know you better”? “Please be my girlfriend”? “I love you”? None of them sounded right. She had nothing but trite cliches to offer. Could she really say her feelings were genuine? After all, it was like Kaoru sometimes said: ‘Love is like a child that longs for everything it can come by.’ Maybe she was just swooning over somebody she didn’t really know.

She sighed as she folded up the stationery and tucked it away in her bag. She’d thought that taking a walk through the park might clear her mind and help her figure out what to say, but it just left her feeling more hesitant than before. She knew that Kaoru would be getting at least a hundred letters from adoring fans on Valentine’s Day… what could she possibly do to make hers stand out while still remaining sincere?

Well, she had one idea, but…

Just as she was wistfully staring at her feet, a far-off strum soared into her ears, the kind she’d recognize anywhere -- a bassline. Her head turned in the direction of the source to see a small crowd of half a dozen people, all surrounding a sole musician. Curious, Rimi stood and walked over, only to realize who it was from a good ten feet away.

_ Rei-san? _

Raise A Suilen’s frontwoman was playing a low groove, stretching and slapping the notes with a rhythm somehow both turgid and pronounced. It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t boisterous. And yet Rimi could feel its vigor all the same, curling around her feet and sending little jolts down her spine, accented by the Rei’s quiet yet powerful hums. It took Rimi a moment to realize it was all improvisation -- riffs Rei was coming up with off the top of her head. That impressed her even more.

After a minute or two of jamming, Rei played out the last of her notes before bowing with a smile. The audience politely clapped, tossing a few coins into her open bass case before milling onward with their walks. Rimi did the same, unsure whether or not she’d be able to start a conversation: she knew Rei only tangentially, after--

“Oh, hey!”

Rimi shrunk back a little as the coins fell from her hands into the instrument case. Rei’s easy smile caught her unawares. “U-Um, h-hello.”

“You’re Hana-chan’s friend, right?” asked Rei. “What was it… Ushigome-san?”

Rimi nodded, surprised that she remembered. “Y-Yes. You can call me Rimi. I’m the bassist for Poppin’ Party.”

“Ah.” Rei chuckled. “Guess that makes us comrades, then? Sisters-in-arms, you could say.”

Rimi didn’t know about that, but the idea of someone so talented considering her an equal made her flush. “Er… that was a really good performance! I-I was so amazed by your talent.”

“Ahaha… really?” Rei smiled with a hint of embarrassment. “I was just kinda doodling… busking isn’t usually my style, but I didn’t have much else to do today.”

“No, it was very impressive,” said Rimi. “I’m not very good at improv… I usually have to think up melodies for a long time before I feel comfortable playing them.”

“Ah, that’s right, you’re Popipa’s songwriter, aren’t you?” Rei’s expression lightened as she shuffled the money into her pocket and began putting her instrument away. “Honestly, I’m not very good at that kind of thing myself… I can sing and play what’s in front of me, but I’m not so creative when it comes to actually creating music. You must be talented.”

“I-I’m nothing special, really…” said Rimi, twiddling her fingers together. “I don’t even write our lyrics -- Kasumi-chan does. If I did, then…”

_ Then I’d know what to say to Kaoru-san. _

She was once again reminded of her own inadequacy, and her expression must have shown it, because Rei suddenly looked concerned. “Hey, is everything, um, okay? You look down.”

“O-Oh, uh…” Rimi considered what to say. She certainly didn’t like saddling someone else with her problems, but Rei was a friend, right? Or at least an acquaintance. Not to mention she seemed pretty cool and collected. Maybe she’d be able to help Rimi out with ideas. “It… it’s a little personal, so…”

“Ah, okay,” said Rei, taking a step back. “Won’t pry.”

“N-No! I mean, um, if you’d help out, th-that might be kind of helpful, actually.”

Rei scratched the back of her head with a little exhale. “Well, if that’s what you want… I can try to help out as best I can. Why don’t we grab a drink?”

* * *

Minutes later they were back on the park bench with acquisitions from the vending machine. Rimi quietly sipped from her Boss Coffee as she took out her letter, momentarily afraid to unfurl its contents.

“Ah, a love letter?” guessed Rei, in-between sips of strawberry milk.

Rimi gulped. “That obvious, huh…?”

Rei chuckled lightly. “Well… you may not believe me, but I get a lot of those.”

Blank stare. “You… you do?”

Rei nodded. “Usually it’s from fans after shows, saying they love my voice and think I’m beautiful and want to go out with me… pretty standard stuff. I’ve been getting them since middle school, actually.” She ran a hand through her hair sheepishly. “I guess people have always thought I’m… handsome?”

“Well… y-you are,” said Rimi, trying to sound matter-of-factly.

Rei laughed again. “Thanks. But yeah, I’m used to this kind of stuff.”

“H-How do you respond to letters like that, though?”

A shrug. “Most of the time I don’t ever see them again anyway, but I usually try to let them down easy. It’s hard though… I’m not very good with words. Or feelings.” Deep sigh. “I kinda feel guilty reading those letters, honestly.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Rei leaned forward, resting her elbows on her thighs. “It’s clear that a lot of the girls put themselves and their emotions into the writing, but not many of them really talk about me. I guess that sounds kinda self-centered, but… I can tell they’re putting a lot of themselves out there, and I’m not sure how I can reciprocate. It’s a lot of pressure, you know?”

Rimi felt her mind churn at the words. That was something she hadn’t really considered before: how would Kaoru feel about reading her letter? Would she really want to return Rimi’s feelings? How well did Kaoru even know her? How well did Rimi know  _ her? _

“Ah, sorry for unloading all that,” said Rei, turning back towards her. “Do you wanna show me what you have so far?”

Rimi was starting to hesitate in just about every respect, but getting a second opinion at this point was probably for the best. “H-Here.” She deposited the slip in Rei’s hand and turned away, too bashful to look.

She heard a quiet rustle from behind as Rei opened the letter. A few moments passed, until… “Honestly, this seems like a good start.”

Rimi pivoted back around, startled. “R-Really?”

“Uh-huh.” Rei handed the letter back to her with a smile. “It’s lacking a little in confidence, but it still feels earnest and sincere… if that makes sense. If you could just figure out a few more things to say, I think you’d at least get your feelings across to her.”

Rimi felt her face grow hot. “W-Well I reckon that’s not-- I-I mean, um…”

“Oh, are you from Kansai?” asked Rei. “A-Ah, sorry, don’t mean to make you feel self-conscious or anything.”

“N-No, it’s okay. I am from out west.” Rimi took a deep breath. “Anyway, er, I appreciate the feedback, but I’m not sure what else I can say… I feel a little embarrassed by what I’ve written so far.”

“Hmm…” Rei crossed her arms in thought. “Well, what do you like about her?”

“About Kaoru-san?” Rimi replied. She thought for a moment -- well, Kaoru was handsome, and cool, and loving, and mature, and… lots of things. But doubt was starting to creep in over how much she knew about her. After all, she’d fallen for that mysterious Phantom Thief who absconded with her on the cruise, too… did she just have a type? Were her feelings insincere?

“Take your time,” said Rei. “I assume this is for Valentine’s Day? You have another week at least.”

“Y-Yeah…” Rimi stared at her balled-up hands. “But… there’s something else I wanted to work on, too.”

“Something else?”

Rimi nodded. “It’s… a song.”

For the first time, Rei seemed stunned. “Woah, you wrote a song for this girl?”

Rimi bit her lip. “I-It just kind of came to me one night… I had a riff that I couldn’t get out of my head a-and--”

Before she knew it Rei was unlatching her case and thrusting an acoustic bass into her hands. “Go on, play it!”

Rimi trembled a bit in place, if only because she hadn’t noticed how sharp and sculpted Rei’s features were before she was right up in her face. “I-I only have a few verses sorted out, and… um…”

Rei suddenly seemed more cognizant of herself. “Ah, s-sorry, didn’t mean to impose. But I’d really like to hear it, if you’re willing.”

Rimi was unconfident, to say the least. But she could see the image of Kaoru encouraging her onward in her head. And if she couldn’t play for Rei here… she’d never be able to play for Kaoru later. So she looked strummed a couple notes, tuned accordingly, and then began to play.

Her groove was a melancholy skip: ¾ time, somber, perfect for the brisk winter weather. It lulled the two of them back and forth, the pluck of Rimi’s fingers growing more and more legato as she settled into the rhythm. When she finally felt like she had found her groove, she sat up straight, closed her eyes, and crooned:

> _ When I first lay eyes on you _
> 
> _ Felt like I was in outer space _
> 
> _ Whole world disappeared _
> 
> _ Till I fell flat on my face _
> 
> _ I guess that’s why they call it _
> 
> _ Fallin’ _
> 
> _ ♪♪♪ _
> 
> _ How I wish, how I dream _
> 
> _ Of you taking me away _
> 
> _ Sweeping me off my feet _
> 
> _ To a far off place _
> 
> _ I guess that’s why they call it _
> 
> _ Fallin’ _
> 
> _ ♪♪♪ _

A skip to the beat.

> _ But when will I hit solid ground? _
> 
> _ When will you know what I’ve found? _
> 
> _ I only wish I could be so profound _
> 
> _ As you, as you _
> 
> _ Tell me how can you be so dang brave? _
> 
> _ Can you give me that courage that I crave? _
> 
> _ I really hope that you can help me save _
> 
> _ Myself, myself _

The wind came with the chorus.

> _ ‘Cuz I’m fallin’ forever with nothing below _
> 
> _ Fallin’ forever, I thought you’d wanna know _
> 
> _ Singing this song ‘cuz I don’t know how to show _
> 
> _ How I love you _
> 
> _ Yes, it’s true _
> 
> _ I’m fallin’ forever as far as I can see _
> 
> _ Fallin’ forever hopin’ you’ll catch me _
> 
> _ Prayin’ that all these notes’ll reach _
> 
> _ ‘Cuz I love you _
> 
> _ Do you love me too? _

Rimi slowed her strumming in a vast  _ ritardando,  _ the last chords of her ballad reverberating over the field. She was afraid to open her eyes to see whatever discerning stare Rei would be giving her. Internally, she braced for whatever critique was coming.

“That…”

The breathiness in Rei’s voice forced one of Rimi’s eyes open, only to see the blank shock of someone well and truly dazed.

“That… was great.” Rei exhaled, exhilarated. “I’m… you said you just came up with that?”

“I-I mean, yeah,” said Rimi. “I-It’s just a cheesy love song, isn’t it? I thought the lyrics were pretty cliche…”

“You sounded so sincere, though,” said Rei, her eyes shimmering a little. “And your bassline really carried it home -- feelings that are heavy, but make you feel light and fanciful… Rimi-san, that was fantastic. I’m sure she’ll…”

She trailed off. “Rei-san?”

“A-Ah, nothing,” said Rei, a little red-faced. “Um, I can’t help out too much with the songwriting, I guess, but… just put in a few verses that are maybe more specific? That could help convey your feelings. Er, I think.” A light sigh. “Like I said, I’m not great with feelings… you probably shouldn’t take my advice.”

“No! I appreciate you listening to the song, at least,” said Rimi, gingerly putting the bass back in its case. “U-Um, do you mind if I workshop it a little more with you sometime soon?”

“I…” Rei smiled. “Yeah! I’d be down. I guess I could learn something about songwriting too, huh?”

Rimi smiled back. “I’d be happy to teach you!”

It suddenly felt pretty warm for a winter day.

“R-Right,” said Rei, picking up her instrument bag with a huff. “I should, er, be going now… ugh, I sound so awkward, don’t I…?”

“You’re fine,” said Rimi. “I… I actually think you’re really cool, Rei-san!”

Rei’s face lightened a bit as she stood up. “You think so? That’s funny.”

Her hair caught in the breeze as she turned around and casually winked.

“I was just gonna say the same thing about you.”

It was only then that Rimi wondered if their cheeks weren’t just pink because of the weather.

And it was only as she waved goodbye to Rei, suddenly cognizant of the fact that her heart hadn’t stopped pounding since she had finished her song, that Kaoru’s words resurged from the back of her mind.

Because Love, like a child, longs for everything it comes by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I know that was fairly lowkey but these things take time. Ya gotta let 'em simmer a bit. I'm not a "they met and then immediately started kissing" kinda person I need _time_
> 
> (AKA I will probably write a sequel to this eventually)
> 
> Happy birthday Rimi! Your present was a fic where I didn't mention choco cornets once


	24. Afterglow - Five Non Blondes (Crack/Songfic)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Afterglow covers a song that, by all accounts, is not their usual style.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Ran's birthday and I knew what must be done.
> 
> There's some MocaRan and some YukiRan in here btw

The list was pretty much what they expected:

> _ I’m Not Okay (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance _
> 
> _ Best Song Ever - One Direction _
> 
> _ Baba O'Riley - The Who _
> 
> _ All-Star - Smashmouth _
> 
> _ Everybody (Backstreet’s Back) - The Backstreet Boys _
> 
> _ Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley _
> 
> _ Sugar We’re Goin Down - Fall Out Boy _
> 
> _ Heart of Gold - Neil Young _

The members of Afterglow looked at one other across the Hazawa Coffee table with thinly veiled disappointment.

“Is this really the best we can do…?” asked Ran with a sigh.

“Don’t look at me! At least I picked a song that’s from the last decade!” Himari huffed.

“Isn’t your other one from like the 90’s?” asked Tomoe.

“You’re one to talk, Tomoe! All of your picks were stuff my grandpa would listen to!”

“What’s wrong with classic rock?” Tomoe replied. “Besides, Moca picked an older song, too.”

Moca rolled her head along the table with a sleepy smile. “Can’t go wrong with the classics.”

“She’s just messing around like usual,” muttered Ran, half-scowling.

“Nah, I just wanna relive the mid-00’s like you do,” said Moca, poking Ran’s arm.

Before Ran could properly shun her, Tsugumi arrived with their drinks. “Hey guys! How’s the cover shortlist coming along?”

“Terribly,” Himari moaned. “We each tried pitching a couple songs but they’re all…”

“The same as always,” Ran finished.

“Ahaha, our tastes haven’t changed too much,” said Tsugumi, grabbing a quick seat now that she’d dispensed drinks. “Even if our sound lately has been all over the place…”

“I think that’s part of the charm,” said Moca. “Are we punk? Are we pop? Are we emo? Are we some weird slow jam amalgamation of all three? Who knows~.”

“It’d be nice to figure out some kinda core, don’tcha think?” asked Tomoe. “I mean I like variety as much as the next gal, but I’d like some direction, you know?”

Tsugumi’s eyes suddenly lit up. “Oh! I actually heard a song the other day that I thought would be neat for us to cover!”

“Ah, our dear Tsugu, describing things as ‘neat’...” Moca sang. “I just wanna pinch your cheeks, you’re so cute.”

Ran elbowed her lightly. “What song was it, Tsugumi?”

Tsugumi pulled out her phone and scrolled through her Spotify library until she found her mark. “Here it is!” She cranked up the volume--the cafe was sparse enough that they didn’t need to worry about bothering anybody-- and hit play.

A slow acoustic guitar riff was soon accompanied by a similarly lethargic jam, and then a flighty, accentuated vocal line. Tomoe peeked over at the title. “What’s Up by 4 Non Blondes… never heard of ‘em, but I’m likin’ this vibe.”

“Our stuff is usually really uptempo, so I was thinking something slower like this might be interesting!” said Tsugumi. “A-Although we were just talking about our style being all over the place, huh…”

“Nonono, I like it!” said Himari. “It’s got like, a passionate quality to it, right Ran?”

“...It’s not bad,” Ran replied.

“Not bad, yes,” said Moca, a sly edge sneaking into her voice as she pulled out her phone. “But I think there’s an arrangement closer to what we’re looking for.”

“An arrangement…?” asked Tsugumi.

Moca flipped over to her YouTube page and clicked on a video. A pulsating 80’s technobeat started as some blonde, pink-clothed man from an American cartoon became surrounded by rainbows and sparkles, his falsetto soaring into the cafe air.

“What the hell is this?” asked Ran, her nose scrunched up in disbelief.

“It’s like I said,” said Moca, nodding with a satisfied smirk. “You can’t go wrong with the classics.”

“Is this a classic?” asked Tomoe, half-unsure and half-curious. “It just seems… fruity.”

“You can say ‘gay,’ Tomoe, it’s okay!” said Himari. “I mean, _ I _can’t call it gay because I’m an ally and I don’t want to co-opt your language inappropriately.”

Everybody stared at her blankly for a second.

“Someday, Himari, someday…” Tomoe muttered under her breath.

“Anyway, I’m vetoing this… whatever it is,” said Ran, gesturing towards Moca’s phone. “I liked the version Tsugumi had just fine.”

“Booo,” said Moca with puffed cheeks. “You’re just afraid to try and get that high falsetto with your voice, aren’t you?”

“Am not!” Ran snapped.

“Ohoho, somebody seems unsure,” Moca taunted, hands on her hips. “Of course, little Moca-chan has the soprano of an angel, so she could sing it just fine~”

Ran was moments away from rising out of her seat ready to throw hands when Tsugumi patted her shoulder tenderly. “R-Ran, you should know better than to fall for Moca’s goading…”

Ran released her emotions through her breath, crossing her arms in the process. “...You’re right. Anyway, I don’t want to cover this.”

“Fair enough,” said Moca, pulling out her messaging app. “Guess I’ll send it to Lisa-san instead. I’m sure Minato-san could nail those notes just fine.”

“Sh-She could not!” Ran protested. “Besides, it’s not like she’d ever want to sing a cornball song like that.”

“Are you suuuuure?” asked Moca, long and drawn out. “This is the same woman we saw having an extended conversation with a sidewalk cat last week.”

Ran could feel her blood pressure rising as the thought of Yukina effortlessly singing this song drenched in more rainbows than a self-congratulatory corporation in June while still coming across as the most effortlessly aloof and in-control person in the world. And unfortunately for her, Ran was not the sort of person for whom logic was greater than passion. With a clenched jaw she leaned back in her chair and grumbled,

“...Th-This version isn’t so bad either, I guess.”

* * *

The next Afterglow concert was a packed house. Roselia sat in the front row with curious eyes, offered VIP seats after a certain bread-breathed guitarist had sent them handmade invitations.

“I had to make sure Ran’s girlfriend saw the show,” Moca explained backstage as the rest of the group peeked out at the crowd.

“I thought _ you _ were Ran’s girlfriend?” asked Tomoe.

“She can have multiple girlfriends as a treat,” said Moca, wearing her usual feline grin.

Ran was too on-edge to tell her to can it. It wasn’t just Roselia--her dad, the other bands, and a whole host of classmates had come. For many of them this would be their first experience watching them perform… and she was about to pull out the most ridiculous performance of her entire life. Why couldn’t they have just covered _ Basket Case _or something?

No… no! She could pull this off! After all, nothing was cooler than trying to own something so cheesy and sincere, right? It was like a reverse psychology thing. If she appeared totally nonchalant yet completely genuine then it would be the coolest performance ever. She just needed to believe in that and give it her all!

So when they got out on stage in their giant baggy hoodies and parachute pants, she did it with the coolest possible stride anyone could have. Hell yeah. She was Ran Mitake, vocalist of Afterglow, the band full of the coolest people she knew. They would kill it! So it was that with a cocky grin she leaned into the mic and shouted “Let’s Rock!”

[ Tsugumi’s funky keyboard sounded over the audience ](https://youtu.be/32FB-gYr49Y?t=28). Ran took a deep, operatic breath, and belted:

_ Tweenty fiiiive yeeeears and my life is stilll _

_ Trying to get up that great big hill of hooope _

_ For a destiiinaaatiooon _

Himari’s head vibed to the rhythm.

_ And I rrrrealized quickly when I knew I shooould _

_ That the world was made up of this brrrraaatherhoood of maaan _

_ Or whatever that means… _

Tsugumi’s keyboard faded away as Moca bent forward into the mic and shouted: “Fab it up!”

The band discarded their hoodies and baggy pants to reveal rainbow-striped leg warmers and tie-dye shirts, Himari donning striped shades and Tomoe ripping off her sleeves to show swole rainbow hearts tatooed onto her biceps as an upbeat pop rhythm escalated from Tsugumi’s keyboard and Ran danced, multicolored hues pulsating from the backlights as she lilted:

####  _~*AND SO I CRY SOMETIMES WHEN I’M LYING IN BED*~_

####  _~*JUST TO GET IT ALL OUT WHAT’S IN MY HEAD*~_

####  _~*AND Iiii-Iiii-Iiii*~_

####  _~*AM FEELIN’ FEELIN’*~_

####  _~*A LITTLE PECULIAR*~_

unts unts unts unts

####  _~*AND SO I WAKE IN THE MORNIN’ AND I STEP OUTSIDE*~_

####  _~*AND I TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND GET REAL HIGH AND I*~_

####  _~*SING FROM THE TOP O’ MY LUNGS*~_

####  _~*WHAT’S GOIN’ ON?*~_

Ran closed her eyes, feeling the passion flow through her soul.

####  _~*AND I SAY:*~_

##  _~*HEEEEEEYEEEEEEAYEEEEAYEAYEA*~_

##  _~*HEEEEEEYEEEEEEAYEA*~_

####  _~*I SAY HEY*~_

####  _~*WHAT’S GOIN’ ON?*~_

Her entire body bobbed to the beat.

####  _~*AND I SAY:*~_

##  _~*HEEEEEEYEEEEEEAYEEEEAYEAYEA*~_

##  _~*HEEEEEEYEEEEEEAYEA*~_

####  _~*I SAY HEY*~_

####  _~*WHAT’S GOIN’ OooooOOONNN?*~_

The world flashed with prismatic pop.

####  _~*AND SHE TRIES*~_

growled Himari.

####  _~*OH MY GOD, DO I TRY*~_

Ran bellowed.

####  _~*I TRY, ALL THE TIME*~_

####  _~*IN THIS INSTITUTION*~_

####  _~*AND SHE PRAYS*~_

Tomoe chortled.

####  _~*OH MY GOD, DO I PRAY*~_

Ran heaved.

####  _~*I PRAY TO SAY GOOD DAY*~_

####  _~*NYEEEEH*~_

Tomoe sneered.

##  _~*FORRRRREVOLUTIOOOOONNN!*~_

Ran howled.

####  _~*AND I SAY:*~_

##  _~*HEEEEEEYEEEEEEAYEEEEAYEAYEA*~_

##  _~*HEEEEEEYEEEEEEAYEA*~_

####  _~*I SAY HEY*~_

####  _~*WHAT’S GOIN’ ON?*~_

Moca joined Ran’s mic as Tsugumi crooned in the background.

####  _~*AND I SAY:*~_

##  _~*HEEEEEEYEEEEEEAYEEEEAYEAYEA*~_

##  _~*DOOOOOOON’T CRRRRYYYYY_

##  _~*HEEEEEEYEEEEEEAYEA*~_

##  _YYYYYYYYY*~_

##  _~*JUST KEEP IT INSIIIIIIDE*~_

##  _~*LEARN HOW TO HIIIIIDE*~_

##  _~*YOUR FEEEELIIIINGS*~_

For a split second, apropos of nothing, Lisa in the audience thought of baking a cake at home.

##  _~*HEEEEEEYEEEEEEAYEEEEAYEAYEA*~_

##  _~*HEEEEEEYEEEEEAYEYEYEYEEEA*~_

####  _~*I SAY HEY*~_

####  _~*WHAT’S GOIN’ O-ON?*~_

####  _~*YEEEEAH!!*~_

The disco-pop beat suddenly screeched to a halt. Ran panted, sweat dripping down her chin as she lifted her head and bared her soul into the mic.

_ Tweenty fiiiive yeeeears and my life is stilll _

_ Trying to get up that great big hill _

_ Of hope _

A smile.

_ For a des _

_ ti _

_ naaaatiooon _

Tsugumi’s last few piano notes trickled over the audience, and Ran shut her eyes, feeling her spirit wane as the roar of a crowd exploded before her. She felt her legs wobble below her as she clutched the mic stand for support--they had more songs on the set list, but she immediately knew that she had given it her all, and had no more energy left within her. Moca seemed to understand, mouthing the mic to announce “We are Afterglow! Stay proud of who you are, everyone~!” before whisking Ran off-stage. The rest of the band followed close behind as Moca propped up Ran on her shoulder.

“See…? Told you…” Ran gasped. “I fucking rocked that song.”

“Hell yeah you did,” said Moca, softly and sing-songy.

The two limped off towards the wings.

“H-Hey...” Ran gathered up the last of her spittle to speak. “I’m… cool, right?”

“The absolute coolest,” Moca replied.

Ran smirked. “Thought so.”

The two hung together, the other band members’ eyes boring into their back as the reality of their performance began to sink into them.

“...Y’know what, Moca?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m gonna murder your ass someday.”

“I know, Ran. I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nobody took my keyboard away from me before I sinned  
I have only myself to blame
> 
> (Yukina thought the performance was exceptional, by the way)


	25. Kaoru/Chisato - You wanna hear my Love Song? (Fluff/Humor)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After getting into an argument with Chisato, Kaoru tries to win her back the only way she can - with the power of Kpop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only really know one Kpop song, and by the powers of transitive property, so does Kaoru.
> 
> Note: this fic gets a bit spicy, particularly in the muscle department. Himari Ueharas of the world be warned.

It was a rare sight: Kaoru with her shoulders stiff, back straight, and head held rigid, as if about to bow and regurgitate the reasons why she deserved a job at this company and where she saw herself in five years. Of course, this was a living room, and there was no board of interviewers here to decide her fate--only someone far more wary and judgmental.

“Kaoru.” Chisato said her name with a great viscosity, as if it were made of unsweetened molasses.

“Chisato.” Kaoru’s voice was uncharacteristically grounded, without a hint of its typical floridity. “I believe you know why we’re here.”

Chisato crossed one leg over the other, leaning back in her easy chair. “I haven’t the foggiest, actually.”

Guilt creased Kaoru’s face. “...Do you remember the argument we had last week? On Tuesday?”

Chisato nodded curtly. “Yes, I remember.”

“Yes. Well.” Kaoru cleared her throat. “I dearly regret the rift caused in our relationship by such a heated dispute. From the bottom of my heart, I wish to apologize.”

“Kaoru--”

“Please,” said Kaoru, stepping aside to reveal a TV screen with a queued-up YouTube video. “I could think of no other way to let you know the depth of my shame--and the depth of my feelings for you.”

Chisato steepled her fingers together for a moment. “How long is this?”

“Four minutes and seven seconds.”

By Kaoru’s standards that was beyond restrained. “All right, then.”

With the humblest bow Chisato had ever seen from her, Kaoru stepped aside and pushed play on the remote.

The image focused from itemless black to a dark street at night. Noiseless rain battered the ground as Kaoru--in a trim suit jacket and slacks with a shirt that had the top button popped off--ran towards the camera in slow motion, breaking through the misty fog as water streamed down her entire body. Her expression showed nothing but agony as her visible breath billowed into the night, the three cross necklaces she wore slamming against her chest as a mournful piano began to trickle through the speakers, accompanied by a dulcet wail.

“Since when are you Christian?” asked Chisato.

“It was an aesthetic choice,” Kaoru replied with a hush. “Now listen.”

Right as Kaoru in the video halted, slamming her eyes shut in heartrending anguish, it cut to a brightly-lit interior, the camera shaking as her blemishless face sauntered into frame. She began looking around the space as her luxurious tenor lilted out over the speakers in words that Chisato couldn’t comprehend.

“I didn’t know you speak Korean,” she said.

“I learned it just for this occasion,” said Kaoru.

“Did you think to include subtitles?”

“I wanted you to focus on the emotion in my vocals.”

The video cut to footage of Kaoru giggling and being intimate with a blonde actress who Chisato was fairly certain was a stunt double of hers at some point. Interspliced with this were clips of Kaoru passionately crooning before the same double, who was acting as if Kaoru wasn’t there. The piano notes only grew more maudlin by the second, as Kaoru reached out for “Chisato” with the most desperate gesticulations the world had ever seen.

Chisato sighed silently as the tearjerking ballad reached its first chorus, the on-screen Kaoru making dramatic ‘take me back’ motions with every measure. Such a melodramatic video really should have been expected… Kaoru always went ten times as far as she needed to in any given gesture. Oh well--the song was rather soft, at least. Perhaps she could simply sit back and let the melancholic notes wash over her until the overwrought spectacle concluded.

But then came the bedazzled Yankees cap.

Were it perhaps just that--a mere bedazzled Yankees cap, nothing more and nothing less--then Chisato would just cock an eyebrow and disregard it. But it was accompanied by an entire ensemble: vest, pants, boots, and gloves. All decked out in the same glittering golden sequins atop black velvet. 

Kaoru’s entire body from head to toe was covered in sparkles and shimmers… except her arms, which were bare and oiled up to the point that they were twice as bright as the clothing.

Chisato’s mind blanked.

A miniature beat drop, and Kaoru immediately broke into a highly choreographed dance around a mic stand, gyrating and flexing and robot-ing all around it as four other dancers in the exact same get-up--Tomoe, Lisa, Ako, and Hina-- mirrored her motions behind her, stradling their stands and flexing their greased-up arms in a movement so impassioned that it bled through the screen. Golden fog surrounded them as the dancers’ hands framed their bodies, accentuating every tense and flex of the muscles, overcome with something that could be expressed only in the vibrato of Kaoru’s vocals.

It was so mesmerizingly incomprehensible that Chisato couldn’t even blink.

The tempo picked up. Kaoru and the rest of the dancers collapsed to their knees as they sang, thumping their chest to show the sheer pain they were experiencing. Chisato could relate, for once. Indeed, every moment they spent crying out and coiling their spines around in an effort to show off the musculature of the human form, she felt a sharp jolt down her spine.

Eventually all the dancers converged on Kaoru, on her knees as the thump of the bassline pounded like a drum. She removed the Yankees cap as she stood up and ran hands through her hair, looking distraught at the mere thought of existence. With clammy, convulsing hands she removed her vest as the music began to crescendo.

_ ...What is she doing? _

Kaoru grabbed on to her undershirt with tight fists.

_ Oh. _

And she began to pull.

_ Oh no. _

Chisato had no control. She could only watch as Kaoru tore off the tanktop to reveal abs that had either grown in the space of three seconds or were painted on entirely, pulsating as Kaoru relaxed in a low body roll synchronized with every other dancer in her vicinity. The abs rolled, and rolled, and rolled until she once more fell on both knees, pounding against her heart as the vocal track hit a high note that flew above every music key known to man, her arms spreading to the sky in rapturous torment.

In an instant, everything quieted, and then there was only Kaoru, whisper-singing as she reached out to the camera with only hurt in her eyes, murmuring the one Korean phrase Chisato knew: 

##### “Saranghae.”

The piano dimmed, along with the camera lens, leaving the five dancers stricken and showing off their abdominal muscles. Hiding nothing and revealing everything. Bronzed gods experiencing the deepest maladies of man.

The “replay” icon popped up, signaling the video was finally over. Not that she believed it. Chisato was sure that at any second it would continue and that Kaoru would start showing off more muscles that she didn’t have in real life.

“So?” Kaoru’s voice was hopeful. Prying. “Did… Did you like it?”

Silence.

“W-Was that not enough to make up for my transgressions? Please, Chisato. Tell me that it was.”

Once her thoughts had become properly recombobulated, Chisato turned to look Kaoru in the eye. Her fingers traced her armrest as she looked for the right words. “Kaoru.”

“Yes?”

“How long have we been married?”

“It will be our tenth anniversary next month.”

“Correct. And the backpack by the front door? Who does it belong to?”

“Why, our dear adopted daughter, who just started kindergarten.”

“Yes. And what was our argument last week about?”

“Whether or not _ Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again _is superior to the first movie.”

“Right. So…” Chisato smiled awkwardly. “Do you really think a little dispute like that was enough to harm our relationship?”

“I…” Kaoru stroked her chin, deep in thought. “I suppose not.”

Chisato laughed, in spite of herself. “See? No need to pull something dramatic.”

“I-I know,” said Kaoru. “But I worry. I quake at the mere thought that I might have upset you in any way.”

“You didn’t, and I would have let you know if you did.” Chisato relaxed into her chair, trying to look as reassuring as possible. “Besides, if you really had hurt me, there would be a much simpler way to make it up to me.”

“Truly?”

Chisato nodded, motioning with her finger. “Come here.”

Still looking rather remorseful, Kaoru rose to her feet and moseyed over until she was standing over Chisato.

“Closer.”

Kaoru bent down inquisitively, peering into her with her sharp, ruby-red eyes…

Right as she got close enough for comfort, Chisato shot up to plant a kiss on her lips.

“See?” said Chisato, sighing happily. “That more than makes up for it.”

Kaoru reflexively took a step back, dazed.

“Don’t look too paralyzed, now,” said Chisato, climbing out of the chair to lightly embrace her. “Just let me know if you feel too guilty, all right? You don’t need to resort to…” She gestured exasperatedly towards the TV. “Whatever that was.”

“A-Ah… *ahem* right.” Kaoru nodded. “Right.”

Chisato kissed her one more time for good measure before cradling her cheek and separating, striding off towards the staircase. “I’m going to go check on Momoka. Wait for me in bed?”

Kaoru still seemed a little flummoxed. “Y-Yes, of course.”

Chisato stopped four steps up. “Oh, and one more thing.”

“Hm?”

Chisato spun to face her, a mischievous grin on her lips. _ “Mamma Mia _is clearly the better of the two movies, no matter how you look at it.”

Kaoru stared at her for a moment before a smirk broke out on her face. “Ahahaha… is that so?”

“Absolutely. It’s an undeniable fact.”

More chortling. “Well, my dear, I am afraid you’re mistaken. After all, does the first movie have Cher in it? Cher, the most fleeting musician of all time?”

“Agree to disagree,” said Chisato with a wink as she turned back around and hiked up the stairs, humming “I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do” all the way up, happy to hear that her wife was back to normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chisato and Kaoru's only real heated arguments are about which ABBA songs are best.
> 
> This fic is inspired directly by [Love Song by Rain](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xHfAjfIdYo), and like... just. Just watch this video. And tell me. That Kaoru would not recreate it 1:1. It's too perfect.


	26. Misaki/Kanon - The Country Bear (Fluff/Humor)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While visiting Misaki's grandma in the countryside, Kanon starts to suspect that her bandmate has folksy roots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by a conversation with my buddy Day.
> 
> Can you believe this is only the second MisaKanon story in this collection? Who am I

It was in the middle of preparing dinner that the bomb dropped from Misaki’s lips:

“Dagnabbit!”

The yelp caused Kanon’s hand to stop mid-chop as she whipped around to see Misaki rushing to the sink. “Wh-What happened?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine,” Misaki mumbled, jamming open the cold water faucet before thrusting her hand into the stream. “Hand brushed against the burner for a second, that’s all.”

“Oh no!” Kanon dropped her knife and ran over, arms scrambling at the air to do something. “D-Do you need anything? A bandage? Ice???”

“I-I’ll be fine,” said Misaki, forcing a grin as she shook her red-singed hand around. “Just a flash of pain, nothing to worry about.”

“A-Are you sure? I mean--”

“Kanon-san, I appreciate it, but I’m fine.” Misaki’s voice was strained, but still light. “Get back to cutting up vegetables, okay? I don’t want to keep the dummies hungry when they get back.”

Kanon knew Misaki had a habit of downplaying whatever she was hurting over, but realized that now wasn’t a good time to push back. “Alright.”

Misaki grinned and patted Kanon on the shoulder with her unburned hand. “Thanks for worrying, though.”

Kanon froze in sapphic tension for a second before creaking around and returning to her station at the cutting board, her lips melting into a dimpled smile as she began chopping up garlic. It was nice to cook like this, just the two of them… Misaki’s grandmother was taking the other band members on a tour of the farm, and that meant they could prepare the spaghetti and meatballs in quiet.

And what a quiet it was… windows open to show blue skies and green pastures, wind tinkling chimes hanging on the front porch, the smell of tomatoes and beef and herbs mixing with earthy soil, the drone of a fan blasting cool air upon their sweat-slicked bodies… it was almost meditative. Kanon could lose herself in the omnipresent warmth of the countryside summer, her hands establishing a rhythm as she crushed and minced cloves of garlic under her knife.

And it was in the midst of this serenity that a long delayed thought finally caught up to her.

_ Did… Did Misaki-chan just say ‘dagnabbit’? _

She must have misheard, right? After all, Misaki was definitely a city girl. She spoke plain, standard Japanese. There was no way she’d suddenly slip into some sort of country drawl just because they were visiting her grandma. That’s not how accents worked.

...But then again, Misaki _did _say she lived with her grandma for a bit when she was little. It was always possible that she picked up a slang word or two. Who knows, maybe that was actually her natural speaking voice that she repressed when she moved back to Tokyo. After all, who would just drop a ‘dagnabbit’ like that just out of nowhere? Did Misaki say other things like that in her head? Was… was she really a yokel at heart?

Kanon tried to imagine Misaki speaking like that.

_ “Howdy, Kanon-han!” _

“Pffft--!”

Misaki turned away from the ground meat she was mixing towards Kanon, who was covering one hand with her mouth and shuddering. “Kanon-san? Is everything okay?”

“I-I’m fine!” Kanon squealed through her fingers, doing her best not to dissolve into a pile of giggles. The sheer idea of hoodie-wearing, lo-fi loving urbanite Misaki Okusawa adopting any sort of rural drawl was patently ridiculous, and she had to lean on the table for support to avoid falling over.

Misaki leaned over to look. “Did you bite your tongue or something?”

“N-No, just…” Kanon took a deep breath and stood up straight. “N-Never mind. Thought of something funny.”

“Oh… kay…” Misaki gave her a half-worried eyebrow before continuing to mix the meatballs together. “Did you want to tell me, or…?”

Kanon was mortified at the mere thought. “N-No, you, um, wouldn’t get it, s-s-sorry…”

“Ah, it’s fine. You done with the garlic?”

“Huh? Oh, yes!” Kanon lifted the cutting board up and scraped the garlic bits onto the meat mix. “What should I do now?”

“Just sit tight for a sec while I mix this all together. Then you can help me shape the meatballs.”

“Got it.”

Kanon watched Misaki knead the reddish-brown blob of beef for several moments, working her lean biceps to make sure everything was thoroughly mixed and not too tough. Kanon found herself fixated on Misaki’s arms… those muscles… they may have been forged by tennis practice and Michelle duties, but how had they started on their current path? Maybe she helped out a lot on the farm when she was little…

Suddenly, a vivid image of tiny Misaki with an oversized straw hat picking vegetables entered her mind.  _ “Look, mawmaw!”  _ said imaginary Misaki, giggling with one tooth missing as she held up a fresh tomato.  _ “It’s fuller than a tick! Ah reckon we’ll have a real good harvest this year!” _

“Um, Kanon-san?” said the real Misaki. “Why are you smiling?”

“E-Eh? Oh, um, you, um!” Kanon stammered, scrambling for something to say. “Y-You just look… I mean…”

“Something about my appearance?”

“N-No! I-I’m just having a brain fart right, now, alright?!”

Misaki looked at her with intense worry. “O… kay… is that really all that’s going on?”

“Well…” Kanon fuee’d silently, unable to come up with a proper excuse because she was still fixated on the image of little Misaki sloshing through mud in her overalls. 

Misaki sighed with a smile. “Take it easy, okay? I can handle the rest of the cooking if you need me to.”

“N-No, I’m fine, it’s just…” What was she supposed to say? ‘I’m enamored with the idea of you being a secret country gal’? That was just ludicrous, not to mention based only on one phrase that Kanon was 99% sure she misheard. She should really stop thinking about it. After all, the only idea more ridiculous than Misaki as a country bumpkin was imagining  _ Michelle _ as a country bumpkin.

…

The instant the thought of a twig-chewing hillbilly pink bear with a rural drawl entered Kanon’s mind she fell to the floor, clutching her abdomen while trying (and failing) not to wheeze.

Misaki leapt to her side at once. “H-Hey! What’s wrong? Did something happen?!”

“I’m… pfffthahah! I-I’m f-f-f-fine!” Kanon resisted the urge to pound her fist against the floor hooting. “I-It’s no.. nohohohothing!”

It was clear at this point that Misaki wasn’t swallowing it anymore. “Okay, you’ve been acting up for a few minutes… what’s wrong? Did Kokoro do something to you?”

“N-No! No, no, it’s… er…” Kanon wobbly rose to her feet, wondering how she could even begin to explain herself. “S-Sorry, I was just thinking, or uh, wondering…”

“Wondering what?”

Kanon latched onto the countertop edge to compose herself before facing Misaki with quivering lips. “U-Um, when you burned your hand, did you say ‘dagnabbit’?”

She expected Misaki’s reaction to be bemused, maybe just passive.  _ ‘Oh, that? Guess it slipped, haha.’  _ Instead she turned as red as the tomato sauce currently simmering on the stove behind her. “D… Did I?”

Unable to speak, Kanon nodded.

“..................Oh.”

Misaki’s hands went to the brim of her ballcap. She always did that when she was nervous--cramming it down over her eyes, as if her inability to see other people meant other people couldn’t see her. Guilt washed over Kanon immediately. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--”

“Y-You don’t have to apologize!” Misaki stammered. “I mean, it’s not a big deal, right? Right? Just a… a… word.”

Oh god. This was getting more awkward by the second. She was clearly trying so hard to play it cool and utterly failing and that was only making it worse. Could Kanon even salvage this? Or should she just try to rip the band-aid all the way off at this point? “Um, Misaki-chan?”

“What? What is it? What?” Misaki’s eyes were so jumpier than a cricket. “I-Is something the matter?”

“Are… Are you…” Kanon swallowed her spittle and summoned her courage, her mind scrambling for the right words. “Are you a secret hick?”

...Those were not the right words. 

Misaki’s mouth hung so agape that Kanon could make out her uvula. The intense fear pouring from her eyes betrayed her answer before words could. And yet she somehow managed to get her undulating tongue to eke out a few words. “I… uh, uh, uh… I n-need to use the restroom.”

“Fuee?”

Faster than Kanon could blink, Misaki careened away from the kitchen and down the hall, the afterdraft of her sprint whipping wind through Kanon’s hair as she heard a distant slam.

“M-Misaki-chan!” Kanon gave chase, stopping right before the rickety wooden door. “I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to say that!”

No response. Kanon could imagine Misaki curled up on the commode in a light panic. 

“I... Er, you don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to! You can come out and we can both forget we ever said anything about it!”

The sink inside turned on--was Misaki washing her hands free of meat? Maybe her face, to refresh herself? Or was she trying to drown herself in shame?

“B-But, um, er…” Kanon exhaled, her shoulders slumping over before slouching against the opposite wall and sliding down towards the floor. “I-I really am sorry. The only reason I asked is… is… I’m not even sure now.”

The sink turned off. And then… “...You don’t know?”

Kanon ears perked up at the voice. “Y… Yeah! I mean, uh, I’m curious, I guess, b-but it’s not a big deal! We should only talk about it if you want to, s-so again, if you want to forget about it…”

A cough. “Did you… like it?”

This caught Kanon off-guard. Did she like it? Did  _ Misaki  _ like it? She had no idea. It was impossible to tell how her given response might affect her. So all she could do in the meantime was be honest. “I... suppose I did, y-yeah.”

She wasn’t sure what to say beyond that. She could feel her words linger in the air, declarative and firm, no doubt mixing inside Misaki’s head. The longer the silence persisted, the more sure she was that she’d made a mistake. But just as she was about to walk it back, the bathroom door creaked open, revealing…

“...Shucks.”

Misaki’s cap had been dragged down to cover her nose and mouth, revealing only her watery blue eyes that tracked the floor. One of her feet bashfully rolled around on its ball as she twiddled a stray hand of her dirt-brown hair. A pure sense of humility emanated from every fiber of her beingl. Kanon could only watch. “M-Misaki-chan?”

Misaki sighed. “Ah was fixin’ to keep this hush-hush, y’know. Ah wouldn’ want one o’ the dummies hootin’ and hollerin’ ‘bout how strange I was talkin’.”

Kanon’s mind had fully flatlined, leaving her mouth just ajar enough to eke out a  _ fueeeeee? _

“Ah know, ah know…” Misaki muttered, cramming her hat back on. “It’s enough to make a gal soil her britches, ain’t it? Always known if ah’d put on my drawl back in Tokyo then the city slickers’d start raisin’ cain over every other word outta mah mouth.”

Despite her fantasizing about this very turn of events not five minutes ago, Kanon was half-convinced that her ears had stopped working properly. Had she hit her head or something? Was she hallucinating?

“I reckon you wanna have yerself a real hard laugh, don’tcha?” Misaki mumbled, her voice shakier by the moment. “Jus’ like earlier when you was hee-hawin’ away at mah slip o’ the tongue. Well go on, then. Laugh. Ah already feel like hell in a handbasket as is. Have half a mind to jus’ run off into the mountains and let the varmints take me, ah’m so embarrassed.”

She let her last statement stand as she slumped against the door, as if patiently waiting for Kanon to start pointing and laughing at any second. But Kanon wouldn’t even dream of doing that now. After all… “Misaki-chan…”

Misaki’s eyes flicked up to meet hers. “What?”

Kanon’s fists trembled as the corners of her eyes wettened with tears. “Y-You’re so…”

She charged into Misaki with a full force hug.

“YOU’RE SO CUTE!!!!!”

A mighty fierce blush bloomed on Misaki’s face as her hands struggled to reciprocate the motion. “A-A-Ah don’t know what yer sayin’--”

“It’s  _ adorable!”  _ Kanon emphasized, squeezing tighter. “You didn’t have to hide it from me! If this is how you talk, I love it!”

“Y-You don’ mean that,” said Misaki, her fingers still squirming around confusedly as their shoulders bumped into the door frame. “This accent ain’t worth a lick. It’s jus’ another--”

She was cut off by Kanon’s lips. 

She pressed Misaki against the door, pushing her ball cap off her head and tumbling to the floor behind her ankles as they lost themselves in the embrace. Kanon tasted the watermelon they’d snacked on an hour earlier, sweet and succulent and watery, inviting her deeper into the sensation until she found the slightest salt of sunflower seeds on Misaki’s tongue. She could feel the countryside in those lips, as bright and vast as the mountains, filling her up with all the warmth and vigor of summer…

At some point she pulled back to look into Misaki’s expression, which was now more squiggly than a worm in the rain. Slowly her expression curled upward as she pressed her forehead against Kanon. “Yer a darlin’, you know that?”

Kanon giggled as she rubbed her nose against Misaki’s. “Only half as much as you.”

Misaki giggled. “If ah could be a sweetheart like you and the rest o’ the band, then ah probly wouldn’ worry so much ‘bout the way ah talk.”

Kanon’s hands slid up to cup Misaki’s chin. “Do you not like this?”

“Naw, ah’m jus’ mighty bashful ‘bout it.” Misaki’s cheek leaned into Kanon’s palm, her eyes shuffling away timidly. “But if yer takin’ a shine to it… well, then ah’ll oblige.”

“Y-You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to!”

Misaki chuckled. “Naw, ah like that you like it. It can be jus’ between the two o’ us. Well, an’ mawmaw, ‘course.”

Kanon leaned in and rested her chin on Misaki’s collarbone, her arms wrapping loosely around her shoulders. “It’ll be our little secret.”

“Peachy,” said Misaki, reaching down to grab her cap. “Wouldn’ want Kokoro and the rest o’ ‘em findin’ out ‘bout this.”

“Finding out about what?” asked a familiarly bright and noisy voice in their ears.

Kanon and Misaki both stumbled back into the bathroom, shook by the sudden appearance of their vocalist. “K-Kokoro-chan?” Kanon yelped. “Where did you come from?”

“Outside!” Kokoro replied matter-of-factly, smiling at both of them. “Misaki’s grandma was telling us that ninja hung out around here a long time ago, so we were practicing ninja quietness when we entered!”

“Nin nin!” said Hagumi, who was apparently just a meter to her left.

“Fleeting…” said Kaoru, the same distance in the other direction.

“Anyway, what were you guys talking about?” asked Kokoro, sizing Misaki up. “You sounded funny!”

“N… No I didn’t,” said Misaki, all trace of her accent now dust in the wind. “You must have misheard me.”

“Really?” asked Hagumi, poking her head in through the door frame. “I could’ve sworn I heard Mii-kun say something odd.”

“Ah,” said Kaoru, doing the same. “I believe she was saying ‘whomst’d’ve’.”

“What I was saying is none of your business,” said Misaki crossing her arms in her usual stern, motherly fashion. “Can y’all just drop it already?”

The dummies all looked at her inquisitively. “Y’all?”

Misaki choked on her own breath. “N-Nevermind! Go on and git--e-er, get out of here and help grandma with cooking already!”

“Okay!” chimed Kokoro, spinning back and dashing down the hall.

“We’re coming to help, Grandma Okusawa!” said Hagumi, charging after her.

“I see… so ninjas must be swift as well…” said Kaoru with a chuckle as she followed.

Misaki watched them leave before rubbing her temples gently. “Jeez… if I actually slipped in front of them, they’d probably blow the roof off…”

“I think they’d love you for it,” said Kanon, nudging her with her shoulder.

“But would I love myself…?” asked Misaki. “It’s weird, isn’t it?”

“What’s there not to love? After all...” asked Kanon, leaning in for another peck on the cheek. “You’re a real sweetheart.”

And with that she traipsed down the hall back to the kitchen, hearing the softest of “aww shucks” in her wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can take my yokel Misaki headcanons from my cold, dead hands

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure how often this collection will update, but I'll try to post whenever I need some straightforward practice/chill writing days, or simply when I'm in the mood. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Follow me on Twitter: [@DivineNoodles](https://twitter.com/DivineNoodles)  
CuriousCat: [DivineNoodles](https://curiouscat.me/DivineNoodles)


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